This touches both on coming out and relationship issues. I couldn't quite decide which forum to put it in so I chose this one. I have accepted that I am gay, completely. My plan was to tell my parents after graduating but before leaving for college. However, I recently had a conversation with my friend about it. She's the only person I'm out to and I was hoping she'd be a part of my support network like I've been told. She doesn't think it's wrong. She's resentful that we can't have a relationship together. (But has she ever thought that maybe I wanted one too before I found out I'm gay?) She's resentful I didn't find out sooner, before I was 16. Then she wouldn't be hurt. And some days, she's fine. But only when I don't talk about issues like this with her. When I talked about coming out and my plan with her, she said it didn't feel right waiting that long. Like I was dropping a bomb on them and then leaving. It makes me angry why everyone could be so upset, how they could look so pained that I'm gay if they realized the pain that I'm going through. Does anyone think of that? Unless I was out and had gone through the process (which I haven't done yet of course) and a magical fairy offered to turn me straight, I'd take it. Since that's not the case, I don't know how to handle the situation anymore. My friend said that once I told my parents, "I (her) am out of there." Then she replied in a message "disregard that last text." So I didn't even ask her what it meant. But when I told her that I wanted to wait to come out, she said, "What about me?" She doesn't like that my parents joke about us being a 'thing' even though I tell them we're not (she's not my cover, I wouldn't do that to her). But, in her eyes, could we not be just friends if I was straight? What do I do? I know you don't come out until you're ready and the original date I had planned felt like a good idea, but I feel pressure from my friend and I honestly can't tell if she wants me to wait or tell them ahead of time. I only told her because I felt like I needed to know. (And she asked me why I didn't tell her sooner because she knew already!) :tears: I wanted support from her and it feels like I'm burdening her when I talk about it. We can talk about almost anything but not this. We can even talk about relationships, but in an abstract way (I never say "him," I use "someone"). At home, my parents are divorced so I'd have to tell 2 set of parents and I can't face my step-parents. I can't have them know and live in the house for another 2 years (I'm a junior in high school). And I don't want to be out in high school. There's no point. I'm not going to date anyone and I don't think I could live with the stress. And that's probably what it comes down to, whether I want to live with internal or external stress. So, what should I do? Concerning coming out? Concerning my friend? If anything, the main advice I want is how I can actually get support from her (or anyone for that matter) rather than it feeling like I'm the burden because I'm gay?
If she's acting like that then maybe she's not the support you're looking for...but...how long ago did you tell her? Sounds like she might have had some feelings for you that she's kept quiet about until now so this has all come as a bit of a shock to her. She might come around and be a huge help to you. Regardless of how bad it all seems just now. Whatever you do just don't feel pressured to come out to anyone because of someone else. You should only do it when you know you're ready and secure.
I told her in late June. And I made a small mistake there. I thought I was bi then. I didn't want to rule anything out by saying I was gay. I should have waited until I knew which was when school started again. I just told her I was gay a few weeks ago. But she said she knew anyone. She didn't seem shocked. That was a good night. I felt supported. I guess she's not bad, just inconsistent. I try to not sound selfish around her because I know she goes through a lot too but I wish she would understand that I'm going through a lot of pain.
Since you don't want to come out in high school, and don't need to, because you aren't going to date anybody, it sounds like your position is clear in your own mind and that is what you need to do. Your feeling about when to come out is what matters. Most of these other problems will be left behind when you leave for college, at least as pressing concerns. If there is anyone you need to tell privately, you can always do that, just as you confided in her.
Yos, you had good advice, but for some reason since that conversation with my friend, I can't stop thinking about coming out. I felt fine before, but lately it's been occupying my mind. I don't know if it'll pass but I was thinking about my relationship with my parents and if it would hurt that relationship by waiting until before I leave for college (in about two years). There's so many questions running through my head. How should I tell them? Letter or in-person? Can I trust them to keep it a secret? Will it just burden them further? What if they ask if I've kissed a guy? (which I have) ... So maybe it's not good to set a date to tell them, but what if I try to answer those questions first and prepare myself for the moment in general?
