So I finally finished my coming out letter to my parents, but I need some feedback on how it sounds. I definitely don't want to come across rude or anything like that. So I figured I'd post it on here to get some feedback. Here it is, sorry if its too lengthy: Mom and Dad, This is kinda ironic, seeing as I’m starting to write this before Bible class. I don’t really know how to say this, I never really planned to say this. I hoped I could lock all this away and live happy like that. But, I tried that multiple times and it never worked out. I don’t say this to try to hurt either of you or anything, I’m just tired of not being able to be myself, my real self. Now, before I say anything else, mom, remember when you said you would always love me no matter what I do? Well, I’m gonna need that love, cause none of this is easy. I don’t want you to try to fix me, I’ve tried for years and it hasn’t worked. I just need love and acceptance. And, I’ll always be the Amber you’ve know and raised, just a tad different. Mom, Dad…. I’m gay. Well, it’s a tad more complicated than that, so let me elaborate a little bit. If you think of gender as a spectrum with male on one end and female on the other, genderqueer is where a person can feel like they are anywhere on that spectrum on any given day. So one day they might feel more like a man, and the next they could be more like a woman. That’s how I identify when it comes to gender, genderqueer and leaning closer to the male end of the spectrum. Now, as for sexual orientation, that’s not quite as complicated, at least in my opinion. When most people look for a significant other, gender is a factor. With pansexuals, its not necessarily a factor, at least not a really important one. They look for personality about all else. Some may tend to prefer one gender or another but ultimately its not about gender. That’s how I identify along the lines of sexual orientation, pansexual with a preference for girls. And just because I identify like this, it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God, because I definitely do. I just may believe a bit differently. And you may think that’s wrong, but honestly, and I don’t intend this to come across as rude, but, what I do or don’t think or believe doesn’t have any effect on what happens to you. And, I’m 18, I can’t ride on what you believe forever, isn’t it time I started figuring out some stuff on my own? Don’t think I’m doing this to spite you or anything, because that is not the case in the slightest. I’ve tried for the past six years to try to change myself, to ‘conceal, don’t feel’, but I can’t do that anymore, I want to finally be truly happy. Over the course of the past six years I’ve went through all the stages of self-acceptance; questioning, bargaining, self-hatred, and finally acceptance. It wasn’t easy, I hated myself for a long time, I was what is called internally homophobic. It was anything but a fun time. And who knows, maybe this is just a phase, but even if it is, I’m not gonna know for sure if you keep forcing me to conceal it. But I’m gonna need some support from you, its not easy for anybody in the LGBTQ community, I’ll probably have bullies because of it for the rest of my life, and I’d really love if my parents were on my side and not their’s. Please, don’t disown me, kick me out, take all my stuff, make me stop going to church, or anything like that, please. And please don’t make me change schools or majors, I’m happy at Lee and nothing has changed the fact that I want to major in Youth Ministry and Psychology, my career choices for after college may have just shifted a bit. I’m still your daughter, and I’m sure you’re not exactly happy. But don’t you want me to be completely happy in my life, even if its not exactly how you imagined it? I want to be out and happy, but please please please please please don’t let this change anything. I don’t want to be kicked out or disowned, I want to continue to go to church and go to Lee and major in Youth Ministry and Psychology, I just want a chance to be 100% myself at home, and I can’t do that without acceptance from my parents, even if it starts out as a work in progress.
Overall I think it's a good letter, as long as you are prepared to elaborate and defend your position after they've read it. I particularly like "And just because I identify like this, it doesn’t mean I don’t believe in God, because I definitely do. I just may believe a bit differently." but I would consider altering or removing the rest of that paragraph! It's the kind of thing that said out loud sounds fine, but written down seems worse than it is!
