I won't beat around the bush this time, I have to say, that I've begun to question my sexuality, and I don't know why. I've always been fine with it, since I was twelve in fact. Now, all of a sudden certain times in the day, I begin to wonder, "am I really bi? What if I'm gay or straight?" There's nothing wrong with gay or straight people, but I'm just getting really confused about it. I always used to think that sexuality was defined in three areas, gay, bi, straight. Pretty soon, after some research on wikipedia, I discovered different, pansexual, asexual, transsexual. Pretty soon, I stopped wanting to be labeled, there are too many labels out there already, why should we create more? The reason I identify as bisexual, however, is because I am attracted to men and women, both sexaully, physically, and emotionally. But as of lately, I've begun to question it. In August through October of last year, I had a boyfriend, at first he was a nice, kind, sweet guy. All of my friends liked him and my mom even liked him. Then he started getting obsessive and freaky, basically he stalked me. After Homecoming dance, I decided it was time to pull the plug on my relationship. I just stopped liking him. It happened right in the middle, I used to love kissing him...but then I didn't, I just did it out of sense of duty and not wanting to hurt his feelings. He's a pretty sensitive guy. I've had other boyfriends, and I have one now, but I feel as if, sometimes I like him and sometimes I don't. It's like a light-switch in my head. I've never had a girlfriend, not yet anyways, but I began to think "would I quit feeling so strongly about her in the middle of our relationship? How many more hearts would I break?" So, I'm wondering, even though I have physical, emotional (at least for a while), and sexual attractions to a guy, my loss of desire and urge to go out with said guy, does that imply that I'm actually gay but just want to hold on to guys for whatever reason? Sorry this post is so long, but I have a lot on my mind. Also, after I suffered a major hearbreak in January, I tried to like others, and just after I started liking someone a lot, I would just stop. Is this because my heart is still broken or because I just can't get attached to anyone, male or female? Thanks guys
Right, first off *hugs a lot* What you have to remember is that you're only 14. You've got your whole life ahead of you, you truly and honestly don't need to worry about all this now. I don't want to sound like I'm patronising you even though I'm only a year older, but it really is true. I've only ever had one boyfriend in my life, and he was a mistake. I'm inclined to think that you're still bisexual, because you say that sometimes you're just not into your boyfriend as much as you are other times. I get this all the time, the idea of guys can make me feel sick some weeks, and turn me on other weeks. I think it's normal for you to be confused, because you've still got a long time to decide truly for yourself whether it's a phase or not, because you really are the only person who can answer that. Do cheer up, my dear In my opinion, you'll know for sure once you've been involved with a girl. You haven't yet, so you've got no way of really knowing exactly how you'll respond to that (you may have an idea of it, of course) I hope what I've said has been at least a little help, do PM me if you want to talk about it some more.
hmmm... shes right.. your only 14. this is a very difficult phase for you because this is the the transition phase from child to adult. you barely know who you are and your just now discovering who that might be. you really just need to give yourself time. you are in no rush. i would just say if you get in another relationship, warn them about your feelings. it's hard discovering yourself, but it's harder for someone else to watch you discover yourself. my advice is just... relax, your only 14. you don't have to worry about a job, car insurance, college, rent..... so take your time ~Trey
It seems to me that you haven't met someone you are truely in love with for starters. I think what is happening is that you are attracted to some people, boys at the moment, you go out you have a nice time you are physically attracted but there are no deep feelings for them, not because they are boys but simply because they are not the right person for you. Don't try to hang on to a label, what is gay, bi, straight. Just relax enjoy the attractions that you feel for the people around you and one day you will find yourself in a deep and meaningful relationship either with a girl or a boy. The more you think about it the more confusing it will become, just relax and let things take their own course.
Oh my god sweetie, I used to feel like that ALL the time. When i liked people, sometimes it didnt last long at ALL, and I've broken 3 hearts before...I hate the feeling, and I was always afraid i was going to hurt someone cause i just stopped liking them. that was when I was 14... But I started getting sure of myself, and it happened less and less often. So, like Helen said, you're only 14, you have your whole life ahead of you to figure out who you are, and you have plenty of time to think it over and to become more sure of who you are. so dont sweat it too much, ok? *hugs* [rawr]
Thanks for the advice guys. I stopped questioning for a few days. I was fine. Then here comes tragedy. I had a sexual dream about one of my ex-female-crushes. I've never dreamed about guys like that, even when I had a boyfriend or even now, I have a boyfriend. But I can't count the number of times I've had romantic/sexual dreams about one of my female crushes. What does that mean?
In my opinion, it could either mean you are more gay than you thought or you are just not attracted to guys at the moment. The same thing happened to me, but it doesn't mean that it''s the same thing happening. But you may need to rethink whether you are bi or not. I know you've probably been thinking alot about it already, and you have lots and lots of time to figure it out. It's possible that you're just more into girls right now. It happens. But it's possible that you are "gayer" than you thought.
You are going through all the things that everyone is going through in their life at some point. Don't worry about it too much. Just take it as it comes. It is a natural part of us. With time, and as you become more securer about yourself these dreams won't occur as often as you might be experiencing them now. Hope this helps!
*sighs*...I mean, I always thought the reason I wasn't attracted to more guys at my school is because they are either A, ugly as hell B, annoying assholes or C, stalkerish assholes. But maybe...I don't know...I mean, there have been guys in the past. They happened the same way my crushes on girls have happened. All of sudden. But now, the 'crush on a guy' department is empty. I don't consider myself having a crush on my bf because we feel the same way for each other. So...yeah. A crush to me is liking someone you're not in a relationship with..
First of all, try not to think about it. You will only get more confused. Trust me, I KNOW this. I don't believe that your dreams about girls mean anything - at the most they are occurring because you are thinking so hard on this issue. You really must try not to overanalyse things. I am in my mid-twenties and cannot figure out whether I am straight, gay, or bi, or just confused because I had my heart broken by a guy (or did I...??). For me, the fact that I have spent years in confusion and cannot get out of it is proof enough that I am bi, because if it was clear-cut then I wouldn't be confused. I would not worry about it, but it sounds that you have been attracted to both men and women, and may therefore possibly be bi. But you have the rest of your life to sort it out, and I would REALLY try not to think on the issue. It will only get more confusing - trust me. I've been there, done that. The only way you will feel less confused is by thinking less. And also, remember that being in love with a person of one gender for a long period of time does not mean that you are not bisexual. I was, I believe, in love with a guy and no one else for many years - at that time I was straight in my particular attraction, but my overall orientation, I realise, remained bi. You don't need to be in love with both men and women at the same time to be bi, and you don't need to be attracted to them both in equal amounts. (By equal amounts I mean in terms of frequency - ie more men than women, say. I don't mean in intensity. I think that to be bisexual you need to be capable of loving someone of either sex to the same extent. If you are 99% gay, and the hundreth person you fall in love with is a man, then this should be to the same intensity if he were a girl, I believe, for you to be bi). But here are a few pointers that have been said on here, and were first said to me by MANY of my real-life gay and bi friends when I came out to them, which might help: - don't think about it, just feel it - there's no rush - don't label yourself - sexuality can change over time. If so, you can identity either alternatively as gay/straight or as bi overall But my main advice is: don't worry about it. I guarantee you that the more you think about it the more you will be confused. Don't label yourself, but be open to being attracted to anyone. Love who you love, and take no heed to what that might mean. But trust me, you really need to stop thinking about it. You will drive yourself mad, and none of us wants that
Thanks...It's just so confusing all of the time. I haven't really thought about it today, but yesterday I kind of obsessed over it. As for driving myself mad, I think I've already reached the pinnacle of madness, lol, jk.
lol! That's fine - the amount of time I have stressed over it and driven myself nearly crazy means that I totally empathise with you (*hug*). But like, for sanity's sake, we just have to turn our brains off or something... It will all work itself out in the fullness of time.
