I have been married for almost 10 yrs. I have 4 children and am now coming to terms with my sexuality. For years I have known that I am attracted to men, but have suppressed those feelings to maintain a "normal" life. I am very active in my church and my wife and I enjoy spending time together with our kids. Over the past year or so I have noticed our marriage to be more one of convenience than anything else. Don't get me wrong, I love my wife as a person. She's a great mother to our kids and has a heart for helping those in need. I just am not in love with her. I am considering coming out to her after the holidays. She deserves to be with someone who is in love with her. We have been facing some financial strains recently which has only driven a bigger wedge between us as we have very little time together. In the past she has made jokes about me being gay, so I often wonder if this is something that she already suspects. Ideally, especially with the children involved, I want us to have a relationship where we can continue to be friends and raise or children together. I have no intentions of up and leaving. I want to be there for my kids, but can not go on living a life where I am not fully honest and open. By keeping my feelings all bottled up, I tend to lash out at the smallest instance of frustration. My kids have seen me become "the monster" who yells and screams, and at one point kicked a hole in the wall. This is not fair to them to see me like this, especially when I am usually a very loving person. I love to hug them in the morning before school, and I enjoy game nights and being present for each and every school function and sporting event. I am really seeking some guidance I guess in knowing that coming out is the right thing to do. :help:
I see where your going you love her and want to break but you don't want to leave her stranded. Take care of your kids gay or not they are yours after all. You have come at this rather peacefully some people go to drinking and other things. To answer your question from me is impossible for me to answer, it's your game you make the rules and you play by them. All I can say is be strong. There will tough times and good times no matter what always remember that closets are meant for clothes not humans Take the best care -Dex
Thanks Dex. Yes I am pretty at peace about the whole thing. My wife always said I live in a dream world where everything works out fine and everyone is happy. The reality is, I know she will be hurt, and I know there is a chance that she will resent me for telling her. Ultimately, I feel it is better for everyone involved, for me to come out. While I have not physically acted on my attraction toward men, the chatting, watching gay porn, and fantasizing are making me feel just as guilty. I know that my church will not be supportive of this, and I'm prepared to deal with that as we had already decided that were going to seek another church. I'll keep you updated.
Hey lexky, I am in the exact same situation as you. For the past 2 years I have been like you, getting angry at every little thing and lashing out. I don't want to hurt the kids by leaving but know that it is best for everyone. I don't want to hurt them but I know that they aren't happy with the way things are now. But I still plan to be there as much as possible . Hopefully we can still be as much a family as possible.
Wow, sorry for taking so long to update. It's been a little less than a year since I came out to my wife. I'm still at home and we are talking about divorce. We both realize that we can't meet each other's needs within our current marriage. To date I have come out to two other people in addition to my wife. We still have our ups and downs, but know that we just want the other to be happy. I am still remaining faithful to her and not experimenting until after our divorce is final. I find myself constantly thinking about what it may be like to date, and to hold hands, and kiss another guy. I'm no longer ashamed to have those feelings and I enjoy that sense of peace that I feel when I think about such things. For so long I wondered how I could really know if I were gay if I hadn't experimented, but the truth is you just know. I enjoy reading other posts on here and knowing that I am not alone in this and that there are many who are dealing with the same things. I'll try to do a better job of updating from here on out. It's great to be back.
