I've put of making this thread for MONTHS! As I'm sure many know it can be difficult transfer thoughts to the written word. Here goes. I'm not ready to come out to my mum. Her partner is quite homophobic and it seems to rub off on my mum. She'll cringe if there's something related to marriage equality on the news, and has dubbed marriage equality as 'not newsworthy'. As a result of comments like this, a desire to move, academic struggles, I've organised to take 6 months of uni next year to work and move out of home and get my self financially stable. I've got my head screwed on and my plans are well thought out and will have little impact on my degree. There's a growing resentment within me. When I hear those comments, it chips away. It makes me want to come out and make her feel bad for how she's made me feel. I want her to know how her and her partners, ridiculous, archaic opinions make me feel. I want to break off contact with her and make her feel terrible. In reality, she loves me dearly and if I came out to her she wouldn't care. At present, I don't feel ready to come out face to face and continue living at home with her. So I'm thinking of writing a letter when I've moved out. To be honest, now that I'm actually writing this, I've no idea what response or advice I'm actually trying to get. I guess the main part is this resentment that just keeps welling up inside me. I want to come out to her and I want her to know how much those comments really hurt. I guess it's kind of an eye-for-an-eye.
I understand why you feel like this towards your mum that is a shame that her partner is homophobic and she seems to be the same I think a letter is a good idea because like you said to don't feel ready to sit down with her and tell her so I wish all the luck In the world and hope one day you will be able to tell your mum x
Sully, I admire your taking charge of your life like that. All the best for getting that sorted (in time for you to resume your studies in half a year!) Despite your hurt feelings by what your mum says, please don't be in the mindset of using it as a weapon to attack her. She has not attacked you (not intentionally anyway). But when the right time does come, do tell her how high feel. Like you said, if she doesn't really care and that she would still love you, then I'd be surprised if those kinds of comment would continue.
Thanks One thing that really frustrates me though is that I know what they're opinions are on LGBT things. They've said it in front of me thinking I'm straight, so I know how they really feel :/ I know that opinions change, but that generally comes from them being confronted.
My response to your first sentence would be what you wrote in your second sentence But instead of 'confronted', I'd say, 'shown another perspective'.
Do it, for your own sake. You need to clear the air with her. I am betting she will STFU about saying negative things when she knows that she is saying them to a gay person she cares about. I know how bad it feels to hear such stuff and being unable to call someone on it because you are in the closet. You may not have to move out if you can reach an understanding with her, and you need for her to stop this nonsense whether you are living at home or not. Please think about it and consider coming out right now, if you can handle it, rather than letting this anger simmer until it turns into something more unpleasant with your mother.
