I could really use some advice on the subject of coming out. First, I'll start out with a little background. I'm nearly 23 years old and currently live with my folks and two younger brothers (age 10 and 15). I'm trying to go back to college in May for the summer term (I had to drop out last May due to serious depression and suicide attempts). I have only recently discovered that I am fully homosexual. I knew from a young age that I was attracted to other women, but I also considered myself attracted to men. I dated a lot of boys in middle and high school, and was in a 5 year long relationship and engagement with a man up until last April (2012). None of my relationships felt right. Looking back on it now, I realize that I was trying to adhere to society's rules. Where I grew up in suburban North Carolina, being homosexual was frowned upon. I knew too many people who were harassed, abused, physically harmed and even driven to suicide because of homophobia. It ran rampant in my high school. My family has also always expressed homophobic sentiments, which does not surprise me. They are both highly conservative and my father is very religious now due to his battle with alcoholism. I didn't realize that I was homosexual until I met this girl online who I am now dating. Meeting her and falling for her made me realize that this was right. I finally felt like I was being who I was meant to be and now I happily accept myself as a lesbian. I am out to all of my close friends, co-workers and I now am comfortable telling new friends or acquaintances that I am a lesbian. My parents are my greatest fear and the people that I have yet to come out to. There are several worries that I have regarding their reaction. First and foremost, I have accepted the fact that there will probably be some denial, angry words, disappointment and general displeasure at the news of this. Thankfully, if they need space, I have plenty of places that I can live for a while. I am prepared in that department. However, my father pays for my university and therefore, I am worried that this news will cause him to revoke that. I have been advised by my therapist not to tell my parents until I am finished with school, but because of my relationship with my girlfriend and the fact that we will be moving in together in several months, I feel that this is something that needs to be done. Even then, I can probably collect enough loans and scholarships to go to school on my own, though it may end up being later than I planned. I have sort of been trying to drop small hints. I talk about my homosexual male friend quite a bit to gauge their reactions; neither of them react as horribly as I would have expected, but I think part of it has to do with the fact that they want to be respectful of my friend. My parents have also met my girlfriend but obviously, they don't know that we are dating. My mom and dad both say that they would love me even if I was a lesbian but I'm not sure how true that is. I also think that my mother has some suspicions; she has been asking me about my ex-boyfriend lately (if we talk, if we are planning on dating again, etc.) and I have made it clear that we are not. Basically, I'm just looking for some advice. I know that this post is sort of all over the place, but any help is appreciated. I do have a letter written up for both of my parents (each letter is different) but I would rather do it in person. But alas, I have that inherent fear that things will go terribly wrong.
If you have a letter written, I'd just give it to them. Force yourself to put them in places you know they'll find them. I know it's scary to think that they might not accept you, but if they've already said they will that's probably the truth. It'll just take some time for them to get used to it, which is perfectly normal. Once they've read the letter, you can talk to them in person about it. Keep us posted on what's up, okay? Best of wishes (*hugs*)
Part of what you said was "I have sort of been trying to drop small hints. I talk about my homosexual male friend quite a bit to gauge their reactions; neither of them react as horribly as I would have expected, but I think part of it has to do with the fact that they want to be respectful of my friend. My parents have also met my girlfriend but obviously, they don't know that we are dating. My mom and dad both say that they would love me even if I was a lesbian but I'm not sure how true that is." That's very good. I was in a similar situation when I was your age. The main differences were that I graduated from an out of state college, so I'd been living on my own for the past 4 years. Also, my parents never helped me financially. I never tested the waters like you have, about whether they'd still love me if I was a lesbian. I did mention a gay male friend I had at college, and they didn't react too badly, but then again knowing someone who'se gay is not the same thing as you being a lesbian. Although I have a feeling and hope things will go well for you, it's good that you are prepared for the worst. I think letters are a very good first step, then follow up in person. I wish I had done that, but my coming out wasn't planned like yours is, and my parents had no clues beforehand to ease them into the idea. (*hug*) Like the other poster said, keep us posted on how it goes please.
I appreciate the advice. At dinner tonight, my mom asked me about my ex-boyfriend again. I reiterated the fact that we are broken up and will never be together. My mom said that she didn't mind, that it is my life to live, and she didn't seem as upset as she has been. She also asked me about the ring I've been wearing -- a Irish claddagh that matches my girlfriend's. Perhaps the time to tell my mom at the very least is sooner than I think. Perhaps I will try for it within the next couple of days! Thanks for the advice and the support! I do hope that you are both right and that they take it well. I know that my mom at least will probably be alright with it, but I'm still unsure about my dad. I will definitely keep you all updated
