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[Wow] Lesbian Backstabbagex10 [This is messed up]

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by InaRut, Jun 17, 2008.

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  1. InaRut

    InaRut
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    You know...you think you know someone until...they dramatically change?

    So I have this friend. We'll call her Elle (because her name starts with an "L") and Elle is a very good friend of mine. Who happened to be a lesbian. And I always could look up to her because she was one of the few gay people I knew and liked and was confident in thier homosexuality. Mind you, this is before I went to EC and met all you lovely people. Well Elle has this other lesbian friend [They are like best friends!] (but you know she's a kinda...wishy washy lesbian. Lets call her Jay Jay) who got a boyfriend. And together they would go to the movies and have fun together. And all this great stuff. So Jay Jay and I are friends too. So I would come along. We are all friends in the end I suppose. Xept boyfriend...I didn't know him very well...and I don't think I like him from what I know about him...and now know about him.

    So I just found out from Jay Jay that now Elle is dating the boyfriend. Which leaves me really hurt and confused. I mean Elle in my mind a super lesbian. I mean totally out, totally confident...and then all of a sudden here she is with a boyfriend? It hurts me because she always said she would date me if I was a girl (and we all know I'd date her if she was a boy) and I considered her a really close friend. But I guess not as close as to tell me that she also had feelings for boys. Or does she have feelings for boys? I don't know!

    It seems it my mind that perhaps somehow she's found the cure for homosexuality. Which makes me think maybe during univeristy I'll find that perfect girl and everything would be okay. As much as I may sound confident in myself, I still don't like it. I still just don't like the idea of being gay...only the idea of being with a guy (which means I'm gay). If I could be with a guy and not be stigmatized that would be great. Haha

    Anyways I have a theory about what happened. I know that Elle wanted to be with someone. She would constantly just talk about wanting a girlfriend. So I know she was lonely. That she wanted love and to be loved. Just like me (which is also another thing that pains my heart). So what happened was when she hung with Jay Jay and Boyfriend she probobly saw the "love" that they had. And developed a crush on Jay Jay (wow that's kinda offensive thinking about it) and Boyfriend's relationship. Which she must of thought as a crush on the boyfriend. Which is really bad because apparently the boyfriend is an objectifier of women.

    I really want to talk to Elle but I'm so confused and a little hurt. But not as hurt as Jay-Jay. The poor girl just lost her best friend and boyfriend.

    What do you guys think of this situation? You think Elle's decended back into the closet of confusion? I know it would help if you knew more about her.

    -She's an anime/4chan freak. hahah
    -She seemed to be really confident in being a lesbian
    -She's very smart and a very good writer..
    -She wasn't very out there in terms of being totally sociable. She hung in the library alot but that was because she helped out down there.
     
    #1 InaRut, Jun 17, 2008
  2. Vampyrecat

    Vampyrecat
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    I think you need to sit down, the three of you, or maybe just you and Elle, and include Jay Jay later, and you need to talk about it. I know it sounds lame but you'll never understand what's going on unless you talk about it!

    Who knows, maybe she hasn't tried being with a boy before? Maybe she thought, okay, well maybe I'll try it, just once to see whether or not I'm really a Lesbian. You say she was Super Confident in her homosexuality, but maybe she was feeling slightly insecure and you never saw it?
    There are SO many possible reasons why she got with this boy, but you'll never understand unless you talk to her. So talk to her. And then talk to her With Jay Jay there so she can get the apology she deserves.

    I think Jay Jay is probably really really upset and crushed and hurt and your friend Elle did do a pretty mean thing by getting stealing someone else's boyfriend. Wouldn't you be upset if one of your gay friends took your bf? (if you have one, I'm not sure about your situation, but as Atticus says in TKAMB "You can never understand someone until you step inside their skin and walk around in it for a while, to see their perspective").

    I hope this all works out for you Philly.
     
    #2 Vampyrecat, Jun 17, 2008
  3. Tim

    Tim
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    I agree with Tess, you really should sit down and talk with Elle. (Not really 100% on talking to JayJay at first, as it seems like it's mainly an Elle problem) However, you should talk to JayJay separately. It seems as though like you said, she just lost her best friend and her boyfriend, she needs someone to talk to.

    However, It sounds a bit weird... It seems to me that she may have taken the boyfriend from JayJay in an attempt to save her heartbreak in the future knowing what type of guy this boyfriend is. As you describe him, he sounds like a jerk who will just hurt her in the long run. And it sounds as if Elle is the type of person who would take a bullet (Figure of speech =P) for a friend.

    A few other things: Does Elle's family accept her being a lesbian? Or maybe she's just trying to please them by going out with a guy? And does JayJay seem hurt that they're going out, or is she ok with it? You sounded like both in the post, which is why I asked this after posting you should talk to JayJay above.
     
    #3 Tim, Jun 17, 2008
  4. Hoppip

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    I like to go on walks with my friends, like to the mall or something. Tell her [Elle] you wanna go somewhere that's kinda walking distance. You can walk there with her, and on the way there, you'll have time to talk. I had to walk to the mall with a friend once, and it was great bonding time. You could use this bonding time with her to talk. Ease it in.

    And make sure that Jay-Jay has someone to talk to, too. Tim is right, she needs some love.

    And I know how it feels to feel backstabbed, since she said that she'd go out with you if you were a girl. It's so irrelevent, but somehow it still hurts. I can only empathize.

    I'm sure that talking will help. Get to know her side of the story - sometimes we can blame people without realizing their true intentions.

    Good luck! GODSPEED! Sorry, I honestly needed to say that.
     
    #4 Hoppip, Jun 17, 2008
  5. InaRut

    InaRut
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    Well, one of the problems is that I've been trying to talk to Elle but it's been really hard to get to her. Either she's avoiding me or more likely she's just busy with the new boyfriend/work/uni whatever. I'll definatly wanna talk with Elle, nonetheless. And I do talk to Jay Jay, we had a good long discussion about it when I first found about it.

    The long walk is a good idea. Because one of my worries is that I wont get to see her without the one guy being around. but you see there is a problem with that. This one guy that they are seeing is homeless. Which means that he has no home that he is currently staying in and is actually staying with the girl that he just broke up with...So apparently he's visiting at all times.

    and the thing with Elle's mom (I love her dearly) is that according to Elle, she isn't at all comfortable with it...But it's not like she's completly psycho about it either. I say at the same level as my mom. As bad as that sounds, my mom isn't that bad (lets be reminded that I'm a uni bound student about to see indepedence for the first time). But it didn't seem to bother Elle. From what I could tell...but perhaps she had more issues with her mom under her belt then I thought.
     
    #5 InaRut, Jun 18, 2008
  6. thatuniquegirl

    thatuniquegirl
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    she is a bisexual. Period.
     
    #6 thatuniquegirl, Jun 18, 2013
  7. Maddy

    Maddy
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    This thread is five years old. Let's let it rest in peace.
     
    #7 Maddy, Jun 18, 2013
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