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Dissapointment possibilities

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by -Michael-, Jun 17, 2008.

  1. -Michael-

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    Okay, a few months ago as i was getting picked up from school with my dad and brother in the car, i got asked randomly "are you gay". I gathered the randomness came from th probable fact that they were having this conversation whilst i was talking to my friends (girls) I answered no and gaind "are yo sure" ( i love that question) and then after much debate my brother asked my dad; "waht would you do if he was"
    and he kinda acted wierd as if to say "NOR THANKS" but then he clicked that i was watching and kinda slid back into a random spasm:stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:. This made me think.

    Later that week on a way to the shops i saw a woman with a very short skirt on and it was windy haha
    i lol at myself now coz of how camp it is haha. I said "jeseu love get a pair of tites a summing".
    My dad quickly pu.lled at the car pakr and enquired " are you sure your not gay" i answered ith a puzzled face. I wasnt going to say know becaue i wanted further clues on his reaction. He then are said "are you a 'willy wufta' or summit...."are you chasing boys" after my chuckle at the aliteration of willy wufta i kinda felt disgusted in him. He's never seemed to have a problem with gay, but then again its not as if the topic has came into this much speculation. I kinda relised if he knew i was gay i would be disappointed, maybe sickened by the fact hes failed seeing as my brother will ammount to nothing. but he would act as if to accept me fully. He would be brash on the subject and upon telling him i would only be presented with such things as " so you like men?" *_* then seeing as theyre are five mles i house....ME DAD BROTHER, then two others who are my dads girlfriends sons.... :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    I could easily see them too being differenr around me. The flattery theyd embraced themselves with would be quite sickening.

    Anywho after another of my pending life stories (see my thread in the intro section) *nice plugging*.
    do you think i should tell my family....
    TBH i couldnt careless what the two others think nor my brother, just my dad really. i dont know why,
    Ive never really had the urge to live upto his expectations but for some reason him being disappointed and not acting it seems pretty much like arse really *no pun intended*
     
  2. NathanHaleFan

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    If your dad expects you to be straight, don't think that you have to fufill his expectations.

    With that in mind, only you can really make the educated decision on whether to tell your folks. Maybe you would like to make a table of all the benefits and all of the detriments that come with coming out to your parents, and weigh your options.

    If the big reason for not coming is that you don't want to disappoint your dad, consider how much of a disappointment you think it would cause. If it would only cause a temporary letdown but you think he would get over it eventually, and as you said you didn't really care about the others' reactions, then you should think about coming out. If you think that he would disown you or anything like that (though your post didn't indicate this) then think about doing it later on, when you're not financially dependent (this would be an extreme case).

    And if you plan not to come out now, then consider toning down some of the things that have made people ask if you were gay, like the tights comment.
     
    #2 NathanHaleFan, Jun 17, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 17, 2008
  3. -Michael-

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    If my dad did unexpectantly disowned me, i be kinda happy he did.
    I rather him not have me as a son and go through hard times than being his gay son and he's okay with it but lets face it he's not going to be shouting from the roof tops and there will always be the awkward silence.

    I think one of the resons i havnt came out to my immediate family yet is for their own sake.
    I dont know if im just telling myself this to make it better or not but...
    If my brothers friends knew i was gay, they would take the mick out of him.
    They wouldnt out of me because theyd only see me in the house in which then i have the upper hand :slight_smile:
    But they could really have a go and my brother and then him being most likely to stick up for me i that situation, may lose some friends or have difficulties himself.

    My dads friends, even if my dad accepted me fully he obviously wouldnt go out of his way to tell people.
    But for whatever reason his friends found out (a visit to the house and they here a comment etc)
    Okay they wont say anything to my dad....theyll ask him if he replied yes i thiknk h woul be greatly embarassed.
    at failure?
    I guess he has taken expected us to be hardcore MEN as my mother died when i as five.
    He's had girlfriends bu he has been the only real parental influence.
    Im not sure on this one....

    I guess if i told the whole household everyone will be asking so many questions the only thing he could do
    is sit there in silence and when he does have a chance to speak i think he'll avoid the situation.
    The old me would have told his grilfriend, and then ask her to tell him for me.
    But now, i dont like her haha and something this important needs to be said face to face.
    man to man?
    Dont kno how though.

    (my wireless keyboard is craptacular....it misses out some letters every so often :S)


    :slight_smile:
     
  4. Louise

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    Although all your worries are very valid points it does seem that your dad does already suspect even if he doesn't KNOW. The fact that he has asked you several times without saying anything derogatory about homosexuals... he'll be fine.

    Yes things might be a little akward at first with a few silences but this doesn't last long, all your dad wants is for you to be happy and live your life the best you can, trust him!

    Stop over analysing every possible thing that could go wrong take a deep breath and just tell him straight. I am sure that it won't be nearly as bad as you imagine at the moment.
     
  5. Blaz

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    It's funny, because I've been in your dads position and still am. There are several people I know who's sexuality has been in question. I'm sure he's probably okay with it, and most likely feels bad that your not telling him(He might just want to connect with his son). You shouldn't worry too much, things will be alright.