Hi everyone, Here's my longwinded story... So I've known that I wasn't fully straight for a long time - at least through all of high school that is. I'm still not sure exactly what I am...labels scare me in a way and I don't want to label myself as gay or bi or anything in between until I have solid experience to back it up. I've never actually been in a relationship, heck I haven't even kissed anyone and I'm an adult. I always just told people that I didn't have time for that, and I never really opened myself up that way to anyone. I was always focused on my career and my life, but I just couldn't shake the feeling that I knew deep down I wasn't looking for a heterosexual relationship. The idea of having sex with a man...it's just not appealing to me. I can't see myself doing it. I can however, see myself being intimate with a woman; heck, I've dreamt about it since I was 15. Now I'm in university, and I'm at that point where I want to start a relationship with someone. I want to meet an amazing woman and act on those feelings I have. The only problem is, nobody knows I'm anything but straight. They always assume I just am looking for a hot guy like everyone else. I might add that I live in a VERY conservative area where being gay is not often assumed as an option. When I got here, I became really good friends with this one girl. She is a proud, flag waving ally, and to quote her, "more than half her friends back home are gay". She's so much fun and exciting and VERY touchy feely. One night we were out with friends and she got drunk and on a dare kissed a guy friend of ours. She then leaned over to me and said "And I'd do the same for you". I politely declined because I was scared. Scared of liking it. Scared enjoying it. Scared of seeing it as something more than she saw it as. Scared of losing our friendship. This friend is always wanting to hook up with various guys and always talking about her past relationships; what guys liked and didn't like and what she found really sexy. I often feel like she doesn't see me as as good of a friend because I don't have experience to talk about, and I'm not actively pursuing guys because I'm pretty sure I don't want a relationship with a guy. In the past month or so we've grown distant from each other simply because when we go out to parties and stuff I'm usually awkwardly in a corner while she goes and latches onto the first single guy she finds. I really just want to be around her though, I love her so much as a friend and even though I can't talk about those things with her, I love it when we just hang out and talk about every other aspect of life. I love her smell, I love her laugh, and I love how passionate she gets about things. It makes me so happy to see her happy, and I've done everything I can to see to it that she's happy. I also recognize that she's most likely straight, and I respect that. While I wouldn't say no to pursuing her in a romantic way, I value her as a friend too much. I've tried so hard to be the best friend I can be for her, and to be there for her in every way. I've laughed and joked about her latest hookup with the hot guy down the hall, and I've sent her encouragement texts when that hookup didn't work out. When she's upset about something and wants to be alone, I've let her, but I've always been a few rooms away with hot chocolate and hugs for when she needs to talk. I've reached a point of acceptance in my own life with my sexuality, but I really want to talk through it with the people closest to me. I've always been there for them through their troubles, and I really want to be able to talk about my questionings with them. I want them to know that I don't want them to keep trying to hook me up with the friends of the guys they hook up with. I want them to know how I feel and support me, because I feel so alone sometimes. I really wanted to come out and talk about it with this one friend first because she has so much experience as an ally in the LGBTQ community, and I know she wouldn't view me being queer with a negative light, but I'm worried that she's going to interpret all of my attempts of being a good friend as being romantic advances. We live together too, and I don't want things to be weird with us or our other two roommates. I want to come out and talk about all this and begin actively pursuing romantic relationships. I need to, it's been weighing on my mind far too much. I'm just worried it's going to change everything, especially with this one friend. Sorry this is long and far from direct, I just really needed to write this all out and have someone hear it and see it. If any of you who have been where I am, or sort of where I am and have advice on coming out to friends and figuring out your own sexualities, I would love to hear it. Thanks!
If you said this I didn't see it but have you talked about it with her? It sounds like you may have a platonic friend (or you will if you keep on)
Not yet, that's really where my problem is. I'm worried about talking to her about it, because I don't want to sacrifice our friendship or lose that. If that makes any sense. You're right, I love her platonically, but I often feel she doesn't feel the same way, and I'm at a point where I'm questioning and no one else knows. I'm worried that if I try to talk to her about it, she'll see it as a reaction to me not getting guys like she is or something. Or that she'll turn me into her own personal charity case and our friendship won't be the same.
I really can relate to you on a ton of this stuff. I knew I liked girls since I was probably in freshman year of high school but I never actually came out until last year, and I'm 22 now. It wasn't too hard to tell my friends, but most of my friends are super open-minded and I've only told a few. I think that your friend sounds very open too, from what you wrote I doubt you would have bad results if you just confide in her and let her know about your feelings.
Almost the same with me, knew in HS, came out at 22. My friends were open minded about it too, but in my case my friends were other college students. I attended a college a thousand miles north of where I grew up. (a conservative area of the deep south) fivebyfive, I don't know much about Canada. what section of Canada is super conservative?
