Gay at 23

23...try 25. I am right there with you. I think your friend is correct in some ways. Looking back at my life I can see those moments where I thought about my orientation in high school. But coming out is ageless.

As for approaching men. I am just as awkward and ignorant as you. I went to my first gay bar the other night and it was hilarious how I just gushed at it. It was an experience. But that's what I think was so great about it...I was experiencing the world in front of me. Fear is fear. Just don't worry about, get to know people and who knows, things could change!

And the friend...if you don't know if he's gay I would go slow. Let him know you are and see how he responds. If things go further, awesome!

 

I'm in the same situation. I knew I was bi around 15 but it was only this year that I finally accepted it--actually three months ago today was when I told my parents and sister.

I feel like I'm now starting to go through all the crazy crushing and angst and wanting to explore that I missed out on when I was in my late teens. And I'm pretty socially awkward and anxious so figuring out what to do about that is tough.

Sorry I don't have any actual advice to give you other than to tell you that you're not alone! I'm always up for a chat if you want.

 

Ninerw

Did you go to the gay bar by yourself? I ask because I was thinking of going to one to get my feet wet so to speak but don't really want to go by myself. Was it weird if you did go by yourself?

 

William123, you are SO not alone. If you are not attracted to flamboyant very-much-out people, everyone you look at will make you wonder "Is he gay?" with no obvious way to find out unless you are obviously out yourself and attract their attention to you and they act on it. If you go to a "gay" bar, you can make the assumption that most of the men there are gay or bi, so it increases your hunting prospects by a lot if not 100%. But, you are more likely to find people looking for a hookup there than a long-term relationship, which sounds more like what you are looking for. When you do find the right person, you will probably ease into some kind of sexual activity you both enjoy, but some people are more interested in mutual support, cuddling, having someone to share their life with rather than constant sex. Good luck in finding the person who is right for you.

 

You're definitely not alone. As someone who has had to deal with sexuality on his own while going to a Catholic school, I can definitely say that I know difficult it is trying to figure out how to connect with other guys and try to find someone. I don't really have any advice to offer you, as I'm also just now forging my own path into relationship-y sorts of things on top of being shy and reserved, but I can definitely offer my empathy.

 

The fact that you're ok with this is a huge step already, and you shouldn't overlook that. The rest will follow in time.

 

Have you thought of meeting more gay people of your age in a 'non-sexual' environment.

Just peers who happen to be gay. That is a great way to obtain a social circle and break in to your new life.

I am thinking LGBT groups, walking groups, you know that sort of thing.

It avoids all the mess of one-nighters in the sexual atmosphere of clubs and all that scene.

Good luck ! You are not aloooone !!

 

I'm in the same situation as you 29 and realised I was gay in August. Just letting you know you're not alone. I've spent the last few months basically eyeing up men I find hot and trying to explore this suppressed side of myself. I have a lot of insecurities but I've had a few positive experiences and life just became a lot more interesting. This is so new to me the men I find attractive seems to fluctuate daily best place so far has been the gym which seems to be full of attractive gay or very metrosexual guys. I met a load of men on dating apps the first month or two but I'm now playing a waiting game until I feel a bit more comfortable. Ideally I'd like to approach someone at the gym, sometimes I subtly check someone out and they look back in a good way but I've no idea how to take it further than that. I'll have to think of a few opening gambits I can use that are non sexual but will open up a bit of conversation.

 

The gym is a good place to meet people, but not always the greatest place to have a conversation, with so many people having music player earpieces jammed into their ears, and people sometimes pushed to finish their workout routines. When you have met a likely prospect, try to engage them in conversation to get to know them better; it usually doesn't take a lot more than a few simple questions to determine if they are married or have a girl friend. When you find someone you are attracted to who is single, try to invite them out for a smoothie or coffee or a beer or meal, to see how the act out of the gym setting. I meet most of my friends either at the gym or on group bike rides, so you are on the right track, I think.

 

I went through Meetup to find a group that fit my personality and wants. So far I have only been to one event, but I met so many people there that I have already begun hanging out with them. I was super nervous, but in the end had nothing to worry about. About the eyeing guys thing...we are in the same boat. I am just now getting comfortable with looking at guys and openly expressing my attraction to them in front of friends. It's weird at first, but not once does it feel wrong.

No one here is rushing you to do anything you don't want to do. Enjoy life.

 

Yes that is true. It really is a very fundamental shift in personality however. I am having to revaluate pretty much all my life decisions including my career and my life expectations, it is a daunting prospect. I really don't know who I am I feel my whole life has been a bit of a charade. When I was 18 or so I was much more outgoing and didn't mind expressing my differences and I often wondered if I was gay back then. I always thought I would make a good gay boy

But over the last 10 years or so I've definitely slowly been worn down and become quite conformist. I've basically suppressed who I am so that I don't even know anymore. I couldn't really understand why I didn't have a girlfriend or really find anyone I was attracted to.

My self esteem suffered and I became quite passive in the choices I made in life as a result I feel I am in a good job but I feel I have much more potential. It is an enormous challenge to overcome this but I guess we live and learn.

I would really recommend the gym by the way try and scrape together the money somehow and go. Look around you might find a cheap one. , here is an article to inspire you
The Iron by Henry Rollins | Oldtime Strongman