help me? friend turned homophobic?!

Hello, I'm sorry you're going through this difficult time, losing your friends to something like this is the worst. However, I was told by EC that your true friends will not leave their friends over sexuality. But I can't help the feeling that it was a set-up, like she already knew what she was gonna say when she asked.

 

I'm sorry to hear that your friend reacted this way. She may have reacted because of shock, or she might be really homophobic. She may come around with time, or she may not. If she is really your friend, then she will learn to accept you for who you are.

I agree with the poster above. It does sound like she knew that you are not straight and was trying to coax it out of you.

If you feel the need to cut, then try to find something else to do. Sometimes I'll just write on my phone or laptop. It helps me to get words down about how I am feeling. I've also found that soothing music and long walks help me as well. Also, when I am having really bad urges, I'll stay in places where people can see me. This way, I know I won't do anything. Also, feel free to PM a staff member if you feel the urge to cut as well. 2 weeks is a big achievement, so congrats on that!

 

Agree--sounds way like a set up.

So sorry you had to go through that. Being betrayed by someone you thought was a friend has to hurt, but that wasn't a real friend, and now you know. Which is better for you than thinking this person would have your back.

Now you're free to look for real friends. I hope you find them, and good supportive network. Again, so sorry you had to endure that.

 

What a terrible friend, and a terrible person! :tantrum: I agree with the others, it sounds like she set you up to come out so that she could cut you down. While friends might not "turn gay", friends also don't turn on their friends that are gay because of their sexuality. I know that it probably hurts now, but she's homophobic and not worth your time or attention.

I want to congratulate you on your two weeks without cutting, I know how hard it is. Keep it up, it will get easier over time. I've been clean for a while now, and sometimes I still get the urge to hurt myself, but it's easier to fight it now. You'll get there too. (*hug*)

 

She was never your friend; she was only pretending to be for some sick reason. You are well rid of her. Don't waste any more time thinking about trash like her and certainly don't trust her if she comes back pretending she is sorry, for a replay. And please don't cut yourself; spend your time looking for a new person who can be a real friend.

 

True friends accept and love you even more no matter what sexual orientation... I guess just leave her be and go on your own life Good luck!

 

Goodness that's awful!!! :'( I can't believe how cruel people can be. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. A true friend will love you for who you are, no matter what. As much as I'm sure it hurts, I think you're better off without her. You need people in your life who will love and support you unconditionally. This girl was not a true friend to you and I hope she can someday overcome her ignorant and hateful ways.....

 

That is awful I'm so sorry but she was never your friend that is horrible!

 

Agree
That is just horrible, I mean a true friend should never do that, ever. But here is my thought; a phobia is something that people often use to escalate a defence mechanisms. An pretty ordinary example is; when you're looking at an old pictures of yourself, you might start to point out all the misstakes in our old fashion. I would therefore might critizise the clothes I am using in that particular picture, because it is something I am somewhat familiar with (since I am using it in the pucture). An other explanation for a phobia is that you might have a trauma or bad experience related to your phobia. Take spiders, a very common phobia, that sometimes are connected with a terrifing experience you had with a spider as young. The reason I tell you this, is because I think you need to know, so you can find out which phobia your homophobic friend are suffering from. Because you say that she were your best friend, so I think a closure would make it easier for you to go on.
My conclusion are therefore one of the following:
1) She actually might be in denial about her own sexual orientation, and your statement freaked her out, because she now are awere that she might have to come to terms with her own feelings. She than uses the homophobic behaviour as a defensive mechanism, to hide her own insecurety.
2) This one is trickier, but if you ever have been a victim for some homosexual kind of actions, abuse, and so on, there might be a chance that the homophobia is something you develope out of fair or pain.
3) The last one, and also the sad one, that the peoples above me are right. That she's acting homophobic because she is a complete jerk. But to me that sounds strange, because you called her your best friend, so for me that option isn't likely, I think...

So what should you do?
My suggest is that you need to talk to her. You say that you were cutting for some time, which to me only shows the pain I think you are feeling for being rejected at the worst by someone you thought you could rely on. I think both of you need a closure, because as time pass, yes you might get over her, but still I think it would be harder for you to trust and open up to people if you don't get any explanation for your friends behaviour.
But out from the little I know I think she might be in denial about herself, and therefore threathed you that way. She might be afraid that it might be harder to patch all her feeling inside, after your confession. That this change in your friendship could make it harder for her to keep up her defence walls. So she took the easiest and most cowardly way out of it, she blocked you out. I know this sounds surreal, but just think of it. Many people struggles with coming out, even to their closest friends and family. Why? Because they are afraid of the impact and concequences it might get on their lives and social status.