...and I'm not sure if I have the guts to send it :rolle: How is there ever a right moment to do this? It seems like one of the massivest things I've ever had to think about and it's going to change at least one person's perception of me for ever. I know. I'm 38 years old. He lives in the states and I'm in the UK. We haven't always had the best relationship but a lot has improved as he's slowly realised how he was in the past. It's funny, I have a mixture of emotions. One side of me thinks I'd rather do this face to face but with the 4000 mile gap it's not practical, and phone seems even more awkward. The other side of me thinks I really can't be arsed to tell him and have to talk about my sexuality to him, as it's bound to be at least a little uncomfortable. The thing is I'm at ease with myself and long to be more open. I need to do this but have so many conflicting emotions it's driving me nuts! Wish in a way I could just press send and be done with it... :bang::bang::bang:
a difficult one isn't it??(*hug*) Can I tell you one thing: I left it too late, and my dad died when I was 25. If I think how many times I wished I had had the guts to do it and have an authentic relationship with him ... well, its just tragic But even at 38 I know how it must feel poised to press "send" You are unsure of the reaction. Will he accept it .. or risk rejection. I guess your gut must be telling you something about how he will take it ?? Normally I would say to people do it face to face, but as you are so far apart that is not really an option. The other thing to consider is a handwritten letter - it would make it more special maybe? If you want to post a draft on EC (many have done that here) you might feel more sure of things when people on EC have had a read of it.. What's to lose??
It's definitely one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do in your life. It's never going to be easy, and there may never be the right moment. If you feel 100 percent at ease with yourself, I would say go for it. He's your dad after all, he'll be there for you no matter what and he'll understand. I remember leaving my parents a coming out letter on my bed. I almost bottled it and very nearly destroyed the letter. But somehow I just felt like it had to be done, and I can honestly say it was one of the best things I decided to do. I know it sounds so cliché and cheesy, but it was such a relief to finally start being open with people. I suppose it's just one of those things, the quicker you do it, the better. Whenever and however you decide to do it, I wish you the best of luck. But I'm sure everything will work out perfectly.
Lost my Mum when I was 25, so I know that situation exactly. I was much closer to her and wish I could have had chance to come out to her, it would have been fine and she would have spoken to my Dad. It would have been a lot easier. Looking back I think she knew, she always said as I was growing up "if you decide you're gay one day it's fine, I'm still your Mum and I'll still love you no matter what". I have a suspicion my Dad might have an idea too, though I'm far from obviously gay. The difference is my Dad's far more conservative and I know for a fact he doesn't agree with gay marriage. More specifically, he said one day when he was visiting that he didn't see the harm in civil partnerships, but marriage was for men and women only, because "THAT isn't marriage". I jumped on that straight away and told him he was wrong, and that he had a really outdated opinion if that's what he thought. That was in front of my Aunt too so they both know my views at least. ---------- Post added 10th Dec 2013 at 11:22 PM ---------- Might do that...
You know you want to do it. Just "press send and be done with it". He probably has you figured out anyway if you are 38 years old and never married. If you want some help proofreading it, post it here; you can decide if and when to send it after you see what you wrote. Is there really any point in trying to hide it from him any more at your age, since you know for sure who you are now? He might be happier that you finally confirmed his suspicions than he is upset because you are gay (which he probably thinks anyway). It is never going to get easy to tell him the truth; the only question is how long you are going to worry about telling him before you finally do.
My 2 cents is just send it. Then in a few days or so follow up with a phone call. That will give him time to digest the email.
