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For people who have came out to anti-queer religious parent(s)

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Ticklish Fish, Dec 11, 2013.

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  1. Ticklish Fish

    Ticklish Fish
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    Something has been bothering me about to even come out in the future, and i want to ask people who had to come out to anti-queer religious parents.

    Do you have debate and arguments with your parents?
    Did the relationship change?
    Before you come out, were your parents subtle about pointing out a butch girl or fem guy? or gay couples?

    I am kind of afraid to come out and then go into stress-inducing arguments or debates :/

    I mean I'm afraid of being kicked out or disowned too, but this is among one of the things I'm scared of.

    Recently on Friday after Thanksgiving, we were having family dinner and my sister was talking about her birthday plan with her friends. While talking about one of her gay friends, my mom was saying something like how I shouldn't be or better not be gay.

    Then recently when we were dining out, my mom said she recognized this frequent customer and comment how he's a bit fem.... yikes.

    Subtle things like this make me feel hurt and sad a bit, and it's also pushing me back into closet a bit.

    (and googling the anti-gay religious arguments make my head hurts, but them I'm skimming so it's hard to think of counter argument)
     
    #1 Ticklish Fish, Dec 11, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 11, 2013
  2. Skov

    Skov
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    I can't help you out with your parents really, but if you want some alternative views on religion and homosexuality, you can check out this site: Canyonwalker Connections | Repairing the Breach

    You may also want to Youtube the Matthew Vines Bible and Homosexuality debate video.
     
    #2 Skov, Dec 11, 2013
  3. Ticklish Fish

    Ticklish Fish
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    i have seen the matthew vine one, but obviously im calculating the risk that it will be rejected
     
    #3 Ticklish Fish, Dec 11, 2013
  4. Motto

    Motto
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    The real question that I think you should consider is how long do you want to be in the closet. The quicker you come out to your parents, if you are safe, and if you don't think they will cut you off and you need their financial support, the quicker you can start repairing any damage that coming out will do. But, that sounds like a really difficult situation.
     
    #4 Motto, Dec 11, 2013
  5. phoebe

    phoebe
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    of course you are scared it's only natural. if you could be kicked out then you might want to wait until you might be able to support yourself. if you are going to come out to your parents then i would wait until you can go away for a weekend/weekfor themto digest it. hope i helped!
     
    #5 phoebe, Dec 11, 2013
  6. musicgirl18

    musicgirl18
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    Yeah, my mom tends to do the same things. Whenever I come out, I'm planning on telling my dad first, because he tends to be more calm and patient, and he can settle my mom down whenever I tell her. Honestly, I'm terrified of telling my mom. :frowning2:
     
    #6 musicgirl18, Dec 12, 2013
  7. Incognito10

    Incognito10
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    I was in a similar situation and it was tough. I stayed in the closet for as long as I could and endured the anxiety. Eventually, I was in a serious relationship (in my early twenties) and I really had no choice but to come out; however, by this time I had my own place. Most likely, your parents will come around and place their love above all else.
     
    #7 Incognito10, Dec 13, 2013
  8. Tintagel

    Tintagel
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    I don't have anti-queer parents, but my grandparents are rather anti-queer. They do know that I am homosexual, but it's just something that we don't talk about. They still love me for who I am and haven't really treated me any differently than they have before.

    I try to be respectful to how they believe (no matter how much I disagree with it). I just find that one needs to just simply nod and smile to some things.
     
    #8 Tintagel, Dec 13, 2013
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