1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

A little afraid

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Lovemer, Dec 11, 2013.

  1. Lovemer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 11, 2013
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    New Zealand
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi,
    Warning, be ready for a wall of text, I may add some more thoughts later on.
    I’ll get straight to it I guess. I’m a boy, at the age of 16, wanting to be a girl. I haven't told anyone yet. I’m afraid of what my family's reaction would be, but at the same time I want to tell them as soon as possible, to start earlier rather than later. I’m writing a diary of sorts, and truth be told I want my parents to open it and find out, because I’m to afraid to tell them.

    The main reason why I think I’m afraid of telling them is because I’m not sure how they’ll take it. Let me explain.
    I've always ‘wished’ I was born a girl. Sadly however I was born a boy (and now in my teenage years have developed a rough voice) I've only now been thinking seriously about being a girl because I've only now realized that it was possible. When I was young I just thought it wasn't a thing you could do and so I put it in the back of my mind.
    Now a cousin of mine, living in another country, has told his parents that he’s transgender and they’re looking into it. This is when I realized it was possible. This is where the first reason I’m afraid of telling my family comes in. I’m afraid my parents/family will think I’m just copying my cousin or a imaginary trend, I don’t know. I know it’s silly to think that but that's me. I’m also afraid of what my brothers would think, my younger brother kinda makes fun of me for playing a girl character in a certain game to the point that I make excuses why I play a girl character. I don’t think my older brother would mind, he has a friend that is a mtf transgender.

    My second reason for being afraid of coming out is this. I don’t want to change because I like boys, I don’t think I’m gay. I still like girls. I don’t know if this is weird or not but honestly if I was born a girl I know I would be a lesbian. I’m afraid my parents wouldn't understand this, that they may think I’m weird. I’m not sure if even my older brother would understand this, hell I’m not even sure if I understand this. This is probably the main issue.

    Thirdly to the reasons of being afraid. I scared of how my family would treat me. Would I get help from them? I don’t really want to be only a cross-dresser, I would become very depressed by the mere fact of what people may think of me. I want to go the full transition. But I’m also afraid of if I’ll actually be noticed as a girl, what if the transition doesn't work very well? I would for the rest of my life be second glanced by strangers, friends and co-workers.
    As a side note I’m also uncertain about changing my name if I become a girl. My name is I think rather special to my family, my name is similar to my fathers name and grandfathers. I’m kinda afraid of what they’ll think about a name change.

    There's probably more reasons why I’m afraid of coming out but these are the main I think. I’m still trying to find out if I should come out or if it’s too risky, I've been kinda depressed lately over this and I don’t want to get more depressed by coming out.
    If you have any questions that could help me, or you, to finding out more about me then please go ahead and ask.