It's been my plan for a couple of years now that I would wait until after I'm independent and living on my own in order to come out to my family, but I keep on hearing about stories and statistics of people in their mid to late 20's having to move back into their parents's houses because they aren't able to provide for themselves. It scares the hell out of me because I don't want to have to be in the closet for another 6-10 years of my life, but at the same time, I have no idea what I'd do if I lost my job, couldn't afford to live on my own anymore, and then end up having nowhere to go because my parents would either tell me I'm not allowed to pursue a gay relationship if I live under their roof or they might not give me the option to live with them at all. I'm so stressed out about this and I don't know what to do. :help:
I'm 19. I'm going to be attending a university in the Spring (I decided to take a couple of months off before going to college), but I don't know what I'm going to major in. Nothing seems to interest me, so I've just been looking at some of the majors that would likely get me employed after I graduate. I really don't want to have to pursue anything past a bachelor's (those 4 years alone are going to put me in thousands of dollars of debt). It seems like the only 4 year degrees worth going for are those in engineering, nursing, accounting, and a few others I might not be thinking of at the moment. I feel so stressed out over this and I wish I could just skip college altogether, but the job market is pretty bad right now and college seems to be a requirement for most jobs these days.
Hrm, well if you want a terminal degree, definitely look at business, like accounting or finance. It pays well, there's a demand for it, and even if you hate it, you're gonna need to know plenty about it no matter the profession you go into.
Yes it's true that college is a requirement for getting most good jobs these days, so you're doing the right thing. As far as the timing of telling your parents, coming out after you start college might be good. You'll be on your own, away from them. If they completely cut you off, you'll have four years to figure things out in terms of how to survive on your own once you graduate. If they'll be ok with it but will need some time to adjust, they should hopefully have adjusted by the time you graduate if you want to move back. Just my two cents.
I feel exactly like you feel. I was blessed to have my college tuition and housing paid for thanks to a college fund. But that made me feel even more obliged to stay in the closet because I was afraid my parents would cut me off. When I worked in the real world, I felt no more independent. I had to move back in with my parents for a time and the feeling of obligation got worse. Now, they are helping me pay for graduate school and I just don't know how I am going to tell them another son is gay. But I think of it like this: if my parents cut me off, it's not the end of the world. You adapt. You are not alone. There are tons of scholarships that help provide financial support to those cut off for being gay. Not only that, but there are places to go to if you are kicked out. It could be worse. But that is putting words in parents' mouths. You and I will never know what will happen until it happens. But I am here to commiserate!
Yeah, but I'm kinda bummed out about the whole idea of college, to tell the truth. I absolutely hate the idea of having to start my life off with debt. I've actually decided to go to a college near where I live so that I don't have to spend as much when I'm done. Either way, I'd still be very cautious about this because a lot of college grads seem to be finding themselves unemployed when they graduate. I think I'm going to try to major in something that will get me employed fairly quickly and then wait until I have a job that pays decently before I leave and break the news to my family. If college doesn't end up working out for me, then I'm probably going to try to get a commercial driver's license and get a truck driving job.
In all honesty, I think you are stressing out beyond the seriousness of this problem and worrying too far ahead of when it might occur. If you get a college degree in a field with demand, you are unlikely to be unemployed after graduation. Are you planning on living at home while in college to limit your expenses? Otherwise, if you are living at the college in a dorm, or in a frat house or apartment, you will generally be free to date who you want to without having to interact with your parents. Therefore, there is no need to tell them about your sexuality at this time. Worrying about having to live with your parents after graduation 4 years from now is a problem that is both unlikely to occur, and looking WAY too far in advance for someone in your position. You can deal with that problem if and when it becomes real. Or, just tell them now so you can stop worrying about it for good.
