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Stressed Out

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by EM68, Jun 19, 2008.

  1. EM68

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    I have know for a while that I am gay. Wow. this is the first time I have articulated this to anyone. Right now I am stressed out and do not know what to at this point. I am not ready to come out to my family or friends but I needed to tell someone. I tried to call a help line in my area and it was disconnected. This increased my stress to a new level. I am not too sure how to proceed. I am older than most int discovering my true self. I am in my 30's and have done a lot of soul searching over the past couple of years. This is my story so far. I will post more in a little bit. This is all I can think of right now.
     
  2. LOVEjames

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    Admitting it to yourself is one thing, but I don't think that it becomes real until you actually say the words (or rather, type them, either works) out loud. I think it's incredibly brave of you to come out at such a late age. There are a few people on here that are, or were, in the same boat that you're in right now. :slight_smile: I'm sure that they'll be able to give some better advice than I can.

    The only thing that I do when I'm stressed is just sit down and think of everything that I'm stressed out about and just think of them calmly and rationally, and figure out what I'm going to do with each of them, and when I'm going to do it. I set incredibly easy goals for myself so I don't become too overwhelmed.
     
  3. panda

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    Admitting it to yourself is a big step.You've made another huge step in contacting EC and articulating it to EC and yourself.
    There's many people here that can help you on your journey.Lots of guys in your age bracket here. It took me till 62 to say the words.
    Take a few deep breaths and pat yourself on the back for making a good decision.
    Oh, and Welcome to EC.:welcome:
     
  4. EM68

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    Thanks Panda! I feel a little better already.I know it will be a process.
     
  5. Lexington

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    Welcome to EC! :wave:

    First things first. Don't rush to come out to friends or family or anybody else. You still gotta finish coming out to yourself first. Take some time, get used to the idea. When you look in the mirror, think "I'm gay" to yourself. (Trust me - time will come when you can say it without feeling like you're admitting to murder. :slight_smile: ) If you're thinking about guys, or watching gay porn while jacking off, cool - let loose. Enjoy it. Once you feel more comfortable with it yourself, you can proceed on to other people (and yes, getting a boyfriend and/or getting laid).

    Life can kick some serious ass on this side of things, so let us know how we might be able to help you over here. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  6. Mirko

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    Hi and welcome to EC! :slight_smile:

    You took your first step. You've started talking about it! It took me a while to come around to it and to articulate it as well but I realized that with time things will get 'easier'. Take your time in getting to know the new you. Yes it might take a while for you to be able to take the next steps, but that's okay. I agree with the above posts that there is no rush in coming out to your family or friends. Once you have accepted and feel comfortable with yourself, you will be able to move forward and come out to others. As Panda said, take deep breaths and try not to stress out too much about it. What might also help is try telling yourself that it is okay to be different.

    What helped me a lot was to talk to a counselor/therapist about my feelings and reading/listing to the advice of EC members. It has helped me tremendously in accepting myself and being able to come out to others.

    Feel free to pm me at any time.

    Hope this is of some help!
     
  7. EM68

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    Thanks for the advice. Believe me I am in no rush to tell my friends or family. I plan to take my time. Over the past couple of days I just felt I needed a place where I could just say this to someone. For the first time in my life I felt alone and did not know what to do. It amazing I tried for a while just to get some info and it took me a while to even find this site.
     
  8. Lexington

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    "I was trying to track it down on the Internet, but I kept getting sidetracked by porn." - Milo Oblong :grin:

    Feel free to hang out here, and maybe at our sister site. (There's more "adult" stuff going on there - that may encourage or discourage you from visiting it, but thought you should know.) Hang out, read other posts, chat a little, get to know some folks. It should help. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  9. EM68

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    Feel free to hang out here, and maybe at our sister site. (There's more "adult" stuff going on there - that may encourage or discourage you from visiting it, but thought you should know.) Hang out, read other posts, chat a little, get to know some folks. It should help. :slight_smile:

    Lex[/QUOTE]

    Which site is that?
     
  10. Alexander

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    [Link removed] :slight_smile:

    but you didn't hear it from me! :rolleyes:
     
  11. LOVEjames

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    How exactly did EC come from that? xD
     
  12. Lexington

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    EC is *** without the porn, the exhibitionism, and the attitude. :grin:

    Lex
     
  13. Mirko

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    Just thinking about it, what might also help is joining a LGBT group in your community. All of them are very welcoming and always looking for new members. From my own expereince, it has helped me to talk about my feelings with people face to face, although I must admit that it took me a while to be able to join a group. But that's another possibility that might help you. Cheers!
     
    #13 Mirko, Jun 19, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2008
  14. MeskElil

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    Trust me, there's no rush to come out (indicates user info on the left <---- and by the way, the one friend who knows is gay himself). This is the perfect place to come for answers.
    It's a little difficult at first to get used to the fact that you're not straight or (in the eyes of a lot of the world) "normal". But...well, you get used to it.
    Mainly your goal now is to get more comfortable in your own shoes rather than telling people that you're gay. That's not the priority. Your priority is coming out to yourself and accepting that fact.
    And I will tell you this right now:
    It's okay to be gay.
    Just become more comfortable with yourself. That's pretty much my only advice (I'm usually better at this...). And keep coming here--trust me, it helps! :slight_smile:
    Good luck...and welcome to EC!
     
  15. s5m1

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    Hi and welcome to EC. You are definately not alone in your journey. I am in my early 40's and finally accepted I was gay earlier this year, after years of failed ralationships with woman and struggling with my sexuality. You have made a big step in just typing it in your post here. EC was a great help to me and I hope it will be for you. There are many of us who have been, or are, in the same shoes as you. Take it slowly, one step at a time. Just as with Asteroid, counseling also helped me, so I highly recommend a good psychologist. Please use the forum to post how you are feeling and your thoughts and concerns. I think you will find the advice and support a great help.
     
  16. Sam

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    Admitting to yourself that you are gay is hard, very hard and you did it! That is the first step. Don't worry, take as much time as you need to get used to it. Things will get better I promise and you aren't the only one going through this. Welcome to EC! We are here to help.

    Sam
     
  17. Wander

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    Something I want to stress, don't rush it. If you start coming out to people before you yourself are certain of who you are, it's going to make things much more complicated further down the road. Get everything sorted out first, become comfortable with who you are, then worry about telling other people later.
     
  18. LorenzG1950

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    Hi and welcome EM68,

    I'm another one of those late emerging gay folks who also did years of self-analysis before I figured it out at age 56 :eek:. So don't feel bad and let yourself get used to the idea. It's not a race and you have no deadlines except the ones you make for yourself.

    As you begin the coming out process, it gets better day by day and this is a great place to get good advice and support. (!)(!)(!)
     
  19. EM68

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    Wow I am surprised to hear that There are a few late bloomers here (sort of speak). I thought that I was unique. I guess not. Which is fine with me. I have had a couple of girlfriends and dated over the years but I never have been able to have a long term relationship. I could not get into a level of intimacy with them. Until recently I could not figure out why. It was very difficult for me. Thanks
     
  20. ccdd

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    Hello and welcome to EC :slight_smile:

    I think that I will reiterate what people have said before me - that there is no rush. The most important thing is to take everything one step at a time. From your first post on this thread, it sounds as though you have just taken a really big step in articulating it for the first time. Now you should think on that, think of the achievement, and lean back, and feel pleased with yourself. You deserve a very big congratulations indeed.

    One thing I have found about EC is that for me it has kind of normalised being gay. As in, throughout my life when I was in denial, and when I first came out to myself, being gay or bisexual was something foreign, not normal, something that happened to other people, not me. But I've been on EC for quite a while now, and it has made me feel less strange, as it now seems perfectly normal to me to be gay or bisexual.

    I would also like to say that I came out to myself in my mid-twenties, after more than a decade of denial, and a long-term heterosexual relationship. The truth, which I had always known, just kind of hit me one day. And I believe that there is reason for this: why would our minds, which have spent so many years not letting us see what is in front of us, one day or over time reveal to us that we are gay? Because, I personally believe, we only admit these things to ourselves when we are in a psychological position to cope with them.

    So I would say to you: take your time, and don't be daunted by the road ahead. The fact that your mind has allowed you to come out to yourself is itself a demonstration of your ability to deal with the situation.

    But welcome to EC! :slight_smile: