I'm feeling this coming process going a little bit too slowly for my liking. Amongst my friends I've come out to only three of them. I really want to tell my other friends, but the opportunity never seems to come up. I've dodged relationship questions for so long that people have stopped bothering to ask and/or maybe already know but don't want to put me on the spot (bless their hearts). I'm not the kind of person to seek attention, so I feel uncomfortable doing something too overt - I haven't yet worn my rainbow bracelet, nor have I tried to introduce conversation topics about relationships or LGBT issues. I kinda just keep on hoping for opportunities to come up, but they never seem to like they used to. Am I just being too passive? How can someone generally reserved like me create opportunities to 'spontaneously' come out?
Well you could wait for a situation that talks about relationships, such as maybe saying "I hope I can meet a nice guy someday." If not, you can always say, "That guy is hot," whenever you see a good-looking guy in front of your friends. Sometimes it's hard to find the appropriate moment but doing it spontaneously can be exhilarating and liberating.
I feel like my long time friends have avoided talking about relationships in front of me... maybe they picked up on all the other times I acted awkwardly when the topic came up. I don't feel courageous enough to introduce the topic myself... but I suppose that's just something I have to just harden up and do?
If you want people to know, so that your opportunities to meet more gay men are increased, then yes, you are being too passive. Probably some of the people you have met are also being too passive, which means that neither of you found each other. Someone has to make the first move. If you believe that can be you, or if you believe you can't, then either way you are right. Put on your rainbow bracelet. Or buy a rainbow belt buckle. Or a rainbow "dog tag" on a rainbow necklace. Go places where people might be who know what that means. It will be your sign to them that you "want the topic to come up" with your friends, or that strangers are safe to approach you if they are gay and shy. Make what you want to happen happen. As you have seen, nobody wants to bring the topic up when you seem to be hiding your feelings. Open the closet door a crack and see who follows your lead.
Thanks. It's hard to take the advice you'd give yourself sometimes. It helps to hear it from others I think. And a little courage would help too.
If you're a student and comfortable going to your school's GSA, that can be a good way to start a conversation.
