I'm about to come out to my brother over text. He will be the first family member that knows, so this is a pretty big step for me. He's also blatantly and outwardly homophobic, so I'm actually very interested to see what his reaction will be. Me: Hey, I need to tell you something. Brother: Okay And this is the text I'm about to send: Oh boy. This is probably going to be shocking. I don't know if this was obvious at all, but _____, the guy that I brought over to your house, was not just a friend. We've gone on a few dates, and I really like him. That's irrelevant though. The point is, I think I'm gay. Possibly bisexual. Not straight. I've sort of known since I was 16, but only came to accept it in the last year or so. My friends all know by now, and I haven't had any problems. Everyone has been extremely and surprisingly supportive. Only mom and dad don't know now. So yeah, thought you should hear that from me before you found out some other way. Wish me luck!
He probably doesn't know what to say; he is the one who was surprised. Whatever he says, keep your cool; you did it your way when you were ready; you are in control of the discussion, not him. Are you going to follow up and tell your parents also? (because he might)
That was very brave of you to tell your brother! I agree with Yossarian that he probably just doesn't know what to say. That's happened a couple of times to me. When I told my best friend, I texted him a similar kind of text and it took him about 4ish hours to reply. He was totally accepting, he was just trying to figure out how to word his support! Best of luck in there! I also second Yossarian's question. If you plan to tell your parents, that's great! If you don't, do keep it in your mind that your brother may take the liberty and tell them.
Thanks guys! To be honest, even if my brother's reaction is bad, I'm not going to be too upset. My friends have been so amazing and supportive that I think I can handle one bad reaction. Obviously a good reaction would be preferable, but I'm not going to agonize over it. Still though, it's been almost six hours in total now. I texted him this two hours ago: "If you don't have anything to say right now, that's fine. But can you just acknowledge that you saw and read my last text? Thanks." And yes, my parents are next. Hopefully tonight if I finish the email. I wish I could do this in person, but I don't think I could handle the awkwardness. Once I hit send, I'll be out to everyone that matters to me. This will definitely be the most difficult one though.
I sent the email to my parents. Oh boy, I'm really emotional right now. They'll know tomorrow morning.
Just read this, and congrats on gathering up the courage to tell your family. Tell us how it goes ... and if it doesn't go well at first leave them some time to accept that fact. How did it went with your brother ... you said he was homophobic ... but keep in mind that maybe deep inside he is not, but acting homophobic just to fit in.
For anyone who is interested, this is the letter I sent to my parents: "I need to tell you guys something important. I'm assuming that this is going to be very shocking, and I don't think there is any amount of lead-up that could prepare you for what I am going to say. I think it would be too uncomfortable if I did this in person, so that's why I'm sending this email. I wasn't being completely truthful when I told you that I drove to _____ with _____ on Friday. I drove with someone you don't know. More specifically, I drove with a guy you don't know. This guy and I are romantically involved. We've gone on a few dates now, and I really like him. That's mostly irrelevant though. The point is, I'm romantically and sexually attracted to guys. I'm probably gay, but possibly bisexual. I know for a fact I am not straight. I am not confused about that. I've more or less known since I was 16, but only came to accept it in the last year or so. Accepting that I was attracted to guys was probably the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. But it was also the most relieving and exhilarating thing I've ever done. I used to think that I would never be able to develop a strong emotional connection to someone and that I would never find someone to spend the rest of my life with. I know now that that isn't true and that I was simply looking in the wrong place. I'm happier and more confident than I've been in years, mostly because I no longer have to hide who I am. All of my friends and acquaintances know, including everyone in my fraternity, and everyone has been extremely supportive and accepting. There has been no perceptible change in the way people treat me. I am comfortable with who I am, and eventually I hope you will be too. Sorry for a bombshell like this before the work week, but I figured it was time that I tell you. I thought you should hear it from me before you found out some other way. If you have any questions or want to talk, you can reply to this email or call me after work tomorrow." I told them not to call me while I was at work, so they both texted me. My dad was pretty brief: "Read the email. Not sure what to think/say except you need to be happy and I love you unconditionally." My mom said a little more: "Hey ____, I got your email. Was I surprised, of course. The only thing you need to know is that I always have and always will support and accept who you are. I don't care if oyu prefer guys over girls. I just want you to be happy. That's what is important to me! I'm sad you have been struggling with this for so long and couldn't talk to me. I'm glad the pressure of keeping this to yourself is over. I'll call you later. Love you." It really couldn't have gone any better. Still haven't talked to them though. That'll probably be awkward. My brother STILL hasn't responded. I'm not sure what to think about that...
First off, CONGRATULATIONS!!!! Second, I don't really know what to say about your brother. I know when my Uncle told his brother that he was gay, he didn't respond for a week, but he has been coming around lately.
Congratulations on a successful coming out. I think your letter to your parents was written very well, and that had to be part of why it went so smoothly. Your brother will respond sooner or later, when he figures out what he wants to say. Maybe he is waiting to talk to you about it in person.
