1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I came out to my mom...

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by kylegf2011, Dec 16, 2013.

  1. kylegf2011

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2011
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Well, she practically forced me to, she was going on and on, so I just told her I did like guys, but that I also liked girls...

    I also told her (because she asked) about the guy Im going out with. The thing is I don´t feel better at all. She didn´t take it as bad as I thought she would, maybe because its been on her mind for a long time, but she did tell me how unnatural it is and how it can damage your body and all that.

    She also asked me to please try to go out with a girl, to give me a chance to get to know one, and maybe like her better than this guy. She also said that this guy will surely leave me for someone else when he gets the chance, so I should try to meet a girl.

    She was nice and all, she said she´s my mother and she loves me no matter what, but she said she doesn´t understand it and told me about the hell of a life I would live if I were to have a homosexual relationship...

    I feel really bad right now, I don´t feel any better :icon_sad:
     
  2. BookDragon

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2013
    Messages:
    4,605
    Likes Received:
    12
    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    "She was nice and all"

    That didn't SOUND nice... Hugs dude!
     
  3. SemiCharmedLife

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2013
    Messages:
    3,062
    Likes Received:
    85
    Location:
    KY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    My mom had a pretty similar reaction when I told her, so I get what you're going through.

    In a really stupid fucked-up and completely misinformed way she's trying to protect you. There are stereotypes about gays being promiscuous, having STDs, looking only for sex, and that kind of thing. And there's the obvious homophobia element too. Does that make any of what she said right? No, but it does explain what she's thinking.

    The way I see it, I have my mom's love, just not her understanding. She's still clinging to the hope that I'll meet a nice Jewish girl and make her a grandma and all that stuff. But I'm still her son and she still loves me, so I can wait for the understanding to come in time.

    Hopefully this helps.
     
  4. Mlpguy88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2011
    Messages:
    915
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    (*hug*) Well it didn't go wonderfully, but the important thing is that you did it. She still loves you and that is a great start. Given enough time she will most likely come around.

    Tell us anything you want along the way of this, getting these things off your chest will help. You're going to be okay bud :slight_smile:
     
  5. sweetiepi

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 8, 2013
    Messages:
    39
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    funny that the only people who are making this world hell for gay people are the people exactly like your mom who don't accept it.
     
  6. Lindsey23

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2013
    Messages:
    395
    Likes Received:
    3
    Location:
    Liberal state
    So...she said some not very nice things in a nice way? I wouldn't feel better either. I'm sorry it didn't go well. She may just need time. I don't think it was ok for her to pressure you into coming out. That's something people need to do in their own time, if at all. And why would she pressure you when she knew she wouldn't like the answer?

    You told her you also like girls? If you do that's fine but if not you need to tell her that's not true. Because she will cling to that and have false hope. I think it would take longer for her to accept it if she has false hope. Just my thoughts...
     
  7. kylegf2011

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2011
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you! I hope so, just another thing she did was make me feel like this guy I like is only using me or wants to hurt me and doesn´t care about me at all :icon_sad: I know there´s no reason why she would know this but still it made me doubt and feel used and sad :icon_sad:
     
  8. Emilia

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2013
    Messages:
    17
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Venezuela
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know it's lame to say this, but it could be worst. I think it's not a great start, but it isn't a bad one either. Your mom seems like the kind of person who could understand if she has enough time. Of course I don't know your story, I'm new here, but I hope this only gets better :slight_smile: hugs.
     
  9. Mlpguy88

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 12, 2011
    Messages:
    915
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    Michigan
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    You know the truth about him more than she does, she probably doesn't have much to go on when it comes to gay relationships so she is assuming all the bad things. You can prove to her otherwise as time goes on

    I know it's sappy but here is another one (*hug*)
     
  10. kylegf2011

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2011
    Messages:
    349
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thank you!! :slight_smile:
     
  11. Yossarian

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2013
    Messages:
    1,814
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It sounds to me more like she is trying to make you feel bad, to discourage you from doing what she doesn't want you to do. By telling her that you like girls "too", you have given her the rope she will try to hang (onto) you with, steering you towards the girls and away from the men you feel your natural attraction to. If you ARE gay, as your orientation label says, and you do not feel an attraction to girls, you are not doing either of you a favor by letting her think that if she keeps grinding away at you, she will steer you where she wants you to go. Whatever your orientation is, you need to make that clear to her, so that she can move beyond the denial stage and into the acceptance stage of handling the fact that you are gay.

    And FWIW, if you are gay, you will not be doing any girls a favor by pretending to be interested in them to make your mother happy. There is nothing "unnatural" about a gay man dating another man he is attracted to. Don't let her make you feel that there is. You are a 22 year old man, not a child, even if your mother will ALWAYS think of you as her child. You know what is good for you, even if she doesn't. Do what you need to do to make it happen, but don't share a lot of the details with her until she accepts you for who you are and stops trying to steer you down the wrong road for you.
     
  12. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Kyle, first, congratulations. I know it doesn't seem like a good thing, but it totally is. She's known for years, and was just waiting for you to confirm it... But even though she's known, she is still able to hold onto denial until you tell her, and her response today is somewhere between denial and bargaining. (Remember the 5 stages of loss... Denial, anger, bargaining, grief, acceptance)

    So she knows, in her heart, that you're a poofter, but she's still processing and working through the bargaining stage. You didn't exactly help her move past that by playing the "bi" card, but you can always go back, tomorrow, next week, or next year and say "about the bi thing... Yeah, not so much" or something to that effect.

    Now, I have to say that her lovely comment about "oh, he'll leave you" was probably nor of the mor thoughtless things someone could say, but, a I said... Give it time. And again, congratulations. It absolutely was the right choice, even if it doesn't feel like it right now. :slight_smile: