So, this isn't really coming out advice as such, because I've already done the coming out, it's more about what I should do next... I came out as bi to Friend A by text about 2 months ago. We spoke briefly on the phone about it afterwards, but I found it quite hard to judge her reaction from this as there was a lot of background noise. While she didn't say anything negative, she didn't seem as supportive as some of my other friends had been. I sensed she wasn't very comfortable talking about it, so since then I haven't brought it up again and we haven't discussed it at all. That hasn't really been a problem, as I don't have a girlfriend so there hasn't been any reason to talk about it. However, today I was talking to Friend B (who is pansexual), and she said that when she had come out to Friend A in person, she had got a fairly negative reaction. Friend A apparently seemed to think that we were too young to be labelling ourselves (we're 14/15) and that it's probably just a phase. I didn't realise she felt this way, and I really want to have a proper conversation with her to clarify that, while I'm not entirely sure of my sexuality, it's not just a phase and I know that I'm not straight. If it seems like she's not entirely comfortable with it, then I'm planning to make it clear that I know I am romantically and sexually attracted to girls, and remind her that she (I presume) knows she's straight at 14, so why on earth wouldn't I know that I'm not? What do you guys think? Is that too direct a way of putting it, or is it the best way to get the point across? Is there anything else you would say? Sorry for the long post. Any advice much appreciated!
Hi AutumnRain, I think you need to ask yourself one question: why is "Friend A's" approval so important to you? If it is not for approval, what is your need to clarify, with her specifically, that this is not just a phase? Not everyone can be accepting. For whatever reason, some people can't and won't understand what it is to be anything but straight. I doubt that anything you do or say will convince her otherwise. If you value her friendship, give her time to process this information. I wouldn't initiate any conversation, but if the subject comes up, as it inevitably will, I wouldn't avoid the subject either. After all, she didn't react negatively to you personally, which suggests to me that she may value your friendship differently than she does your mutual "Friend B". Give her time, let this lie low a bit and get yourself a girlfriend!
i know you feel as i am young yet know i am attracted to girls. if it comes up tell her it is not a phase and you know its true. and if she cant accept you then it's her loss
