I've been married to the most generous, kind and thoughtful guy for the past 8 years but am secretly gay. Growing up I was a tomboy and through my teenage years realised I was attracted to women..I had boyfriends at school (trying to be normal) but have only slept with one guy (my husband) I met him through my twin sister (she's married to his brother) and this is the reason I haven't told her..we are so close but are currently living on the other side of the world from each other. I have no idea what she thinks, hell she might even know but I know if I act on my feelings and be true to myself it will destroy our close family and I can't bring myself to end things with my husband who will be absolutely devastated..omg I'm in such a mess and don't know what to do.. This forum is such a help... Ems
First of all, you don't have "do anything" to act on your feelings. Only if and when you feel compelled to will you have to deal with these family issues by coming out. Maybe you aren't ready yet; maybe you would benefit from some personal time with a therapist before making that decision. Trust me on this one, it is possible to go through a large part of your life being "untrue to yourself"; what you are doing is deferring the issue, not resolving it, but for some people that is the most workable solution. Don't be so hard on yourself for taking your time making your decision, but if you do decide to separate from your husband eventually, be sure to let him know why you feel you had to do it after everything is settled, so he doesn't blame himself, or you, for what became inevitable.
