Hi I am new here I started yesterday. I am 14 but definitely gay. I have been wanting to tell my mom, sister, other sister ect. That I am gay but I don't know if I should wait until I am older. I know my mom has a couple gay friends and is ok with gays but the rest of my family not so much. My older sister(19) is against gay and lesbian relationships. I also know my grandparents are very religious.
Well two things to consider when thinking about WHEN to come out: Do you NEED to? Do you WANT to? They seem similar so I'll elaborate. DO you NEED to? If you don't come out right now, does your life get worse? For example, are you in a position to want to start dating right now, and someone might find out that way? Does someone know and is threatening to tell your family unless you do something they want you to do? Do you WANT to? Why do you want to tell them now? What happens if you wait? What happens if you tell them now? Does your life improve if they know? I make the distinction because coming out to people is essentially providing them with a warning. It's you saying to them 'be prepared for me to bring back a guy one day". People shouldn't need, and are certainly not entitled to a warning, but sometimes we feel we should give them one. Now if you want to tell your mum, then great. If she takes it well, even better. I asked earlier if you were in a position to date anyone, because the most common thing I hear as a response from parents is "You're too young to know for sure". I'm sure you are aware of that response, since you felt the need to say that you are "definitely gay". Now if you want to tell her now, great, you go for it, but be prepared to hold your ground if she tries this on you. I asked about dating because I know some people find it really hard to stand their ground with their parents, and waiting until they start dating someone gives them that bit of evidence. If that's not a problem for you, then don't worry about it. As for your sister, there's no nice way to say this but SCREW HER. Nobody cares what your sister has to say. She might be bad to you about it, but in the end it's your life. Her opinion of gay and lesbian relationships isn't going to change the fact that you're gay. You might choose not to tell her for a while, which is perfectly fine, but don't let her crappy opinions get in the way of being who you are. Same with your grandparents. There is no reason to think that 'respect your elders' isn't a two way street. They may not like it, they may be fine with it, but don't let them worry you. Good luck!
