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Coming out as Pangender/Genderqueer to an unaccepting parent.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Mechamimi, Dec 19, 2013.

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  1. Mechamimi

    Mechamimi
    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Scotland
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Hi,I'm 15 years old and pangender,I'm biologically female but i identify strongly with men and act very male around close friends but i also love wearing makeup and dresses.I have wanted to come out for a long time,but recently i have been tempted more and more.
    You see,my 5 year old nephew has started asking his mother to buy him lipstick,She has bought him 2 lipsticks and a lip liner and is completely okay with him wanting to wear girly things,she is a generally nice and accepting person.My mother on the other hand isn't so accepting of him.The following is the conversation we had after my sister and nephew left our house after visiting.I have kept out our names(My brother is 9 years old by the way.)
    ___________________________________________
    Brother:"Hey 'Mecha' where is your lipstick?"
    *He smirked,Obviously wanting to try it on*
    Mum:"No,you're not wearing lipstick!'Nephew' shouldn't even be doing that,don't copy him!"
    Me:"What's wrong with 'Nephew' wearing lipstick?"
    Mum:"He is a boy,he shouldn't be wearing it."
    Me:"I don't see what's wrong with him wearing it,it's his choice and it makes him happy so why not?"
    Mum:"It's wrong.He has only female role models,he wouldn't be doing if there was a man he could look up to"
    Me:"He can wear whatever he likes,why can't you just be accepting of him?"
    Mum:"I'm not,not accepting him,I just think he need to be around men more,he is getting ridiculous"
    Me:"I didn't have a male role model,are you saying I'm extremely feminine because I grew up in a house with only women?"
    Mum:"Yes."

    This really upset me for some reason.
    I was on the verges of tearing up,I was almost tempted to come out right then and there but the thought just terrified me so I walked out of the room.I heard her let out a loud sigh.I went to my room,and locked the door.I burst into tears and sat on my bed crying for five minutes.

    I really want to come out but i have no idea how my mother will react,I think she will say it's just a phase or get angry at me.I have no idea how my father would react(He and my mother got back together recently but before that he wasn't in my life at all),i don't think he would really mind.
    Any advice would be very appreciated,Thanks for reading. :smilewave
     
    #1 Mechamimi, Dec 19, 2013
    Last edited: Dec 19, 2013
  2. Young Gun

    Young Gun Guest

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    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Come out to your mother.
    If things get too heated, say you don't care what she thinks, and walk away.
     
    #2 Young Gun, Dec 19, 2013
  3. BookDragon

    BookDragon
    Full Member

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    Location:
    Cambridge, UK
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    You ever consider acting your masculine self around your mother, like you do with your friends? Actually don't do that...she'd probably just associate that with your dad coming home...

    Hmm...part of me wants you to talk to your aunt. I mean, your mum could be right, he might only be wearing it because he only has female role models (I'm assuming that was an accurate statement on her part since you didn't say otherwise), but it still doesn't make it wrong. Your aunt clearly realises this...on the other hand she just might not have THOUGHT about it...personally I'd want to go see this aunt and ask her about it. Just say something like how you think it's really cool that you let him act girly if that's what he likes and see what she has to say about it.

    If it's something she actively thought about, you might find yourself an ally against your mother if nothing else.-
     
    #3 BookDragon, Dec 20, 2013
  4. Young Gun

    Young Gun Guest

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    I like your thinking.
     
    #4 Young Gun, Dec 20, 2013
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