Sick of my mum's attitude

Either way, you are out to prove yourself.

I think you need to find a moment alone with your mother and talk to her about how you feel and spell it out as plainly as you can that you like girls and only girls, and that hinting about boyfriends is not useful.

I really hope it works out.

(*hug*)

 

Then at least no one can say you didn't try to make her understand.

If it does make things worse then...... Point out every single girl you think is hot and elaborate about how beautiful she is? it might make her think you're being spiteful, but you're not really. you're just being you.

 

I agree with Vampyrecat. Talking to her would be the only way she'd accept it. If you get a girlfriend and show her off, your mom might take that as defying her authority.

My suggestions. Take her aside, tell her that you like girls and only girls, tell her that the comments she makes about boys and that it's just a phase hurt you, and tell her that there is no hope for a boyfriend whatsoever.

Good Luck!

 

Aww Lucy, I'm sorry to hear that she's doing it again

I can imagine how that must be for you, my mum just completely ignored the whole subject after I told her, for months until I brought it up again yesterday.

Thing about your mum is, she's probably not used to this sort of thing. Homosexuality (especally lesbianism actually) has always been a taboo thing to talk about, hasn't it? It's not something that one would expect to happen to one of their children, it's only ever the parents who have 'let their kids run riot' or letters in magazines that they've read about. You've got to get all these bad connotations with LGBT out of her head, and treat it like it's perfectly normal. I don't think it'll make things worse to be honest, I think your mum will realise that you're not just a girl anymore if you stand up to her, and that as much as you love her, you're a woman now and you need her cooperation and understanding, not her trying to mold you into her perfect idea of a daughter.

That's the impression I got from your situation, and knowing you and your mum. You're just going to have to really press in the fact that you *don't* *like* *boys*. Just keep doing it, it'll eventually hit her one day, and she'll stop being so negative.

 

I think this is part of your mum trying to avoid your problem and make it go away, and I have a strong feeling my mum might react like this when I tell her (2 weeks to go and I'm out)

If you don't feel comfortable talking outright to her for fear of her reaction the most important thing is that you are gentle but firm. For example when she talks to you about boyfriends you must say "I appreciate your interest Mum but I like girls." These litle constant reminders will annoy her but she will have to accept it in the end. Good luck

 

Yeah, I'm currently in a similar situation, and the advice that I've heard (seen) is very good. You have to stand up to your mom and tell her how you feel, but just try not to be a jerk about it. Be mature, act like the adult in the situation here, and show her that you're grown up enough to know what you want. Tell her that you can understand that she's concerned for you and that she's trying to do what she thinks best for you by trying to get you a BF. But you also have to tell her that you are who you are, and that you can't and won't change, but you're still the same person and you still love her.

Hope you could understand that all.......it's just a compilation of the advice that I've been given for dealing with my mother really....

Good luck!

BreTt


PS:......I'm the only guy in here.....T-T

 

Hey,

That sounds like a good idea. Generally, if things are likely to get heated a letter is a good idea. At least then you can really think about what you want to say, preventing any unintentional outbursts that you may regret later. It's not impersonal, it's just the most effective way to get your feelings across without the stress and arguements. Also, even if she doesn't take it in straight away, it will always be there, so when she does decide to accept the situation she can go back to it.. if that makes any sense??

Maybe try explaining to her why you feel you need to write it as a letter when you give it to her so she can see you aren't trying to be impersonal and that you do care.

Sorry I can't be any more help, (the coming out to my own parents is going VERY slowly at the moment!) But good luck with it all and I am sure it will all work out. Just try not to let it get you down !! She does love you, she is just finding it hard. I don't know about you but it took me a very long time to sort all this sexuality stuff out, so it will probably take her a little getting used to as well. I know this probably isn't very helpful but try to realise how hard it is for her, even though I deffinately agree she should have handled it in a more supportive way, try to empathise a little. She still loves you and will accept you!!

Good luck!!

 

Rather than making a big deal of it, why not just laugh it off the next time she brings up boyfriends:

"Ya right mom - like THAT'S ever going to happen!"

And leave it at that. It's back in her court, so to speak.

 

I'm really sorry your mum is acting like this (*hug*), although as Yahoooo says, I think that parents have to deal with our sexuality, just as we have to, and just as we (or at least some of us) went through periods of denial, hope and bargaining, so do our parents. Therefore, even though it must be thoroughly frustrating, I'd try and be sympathetic rather than annoyed and angry. Your mum, I think, although she wants to accept you, and probably will I think, is trying to come to terms with it in her own way - which at the moment involves denial and/or hope.

I think that both the suggestions of being casual and jokey about it - ie non-confrontational - as well as the letter are good ideas. It's your call really, as you know your mum best and which methods are more or less likely to cause an argument. I think that, as you rightly want to, avoiding an argument is always a good thing. The good thing about writing a letter is that it enables you to say exactly what you want to say, and gives your mum time to think about it and respond. However, it can make things perhaps more formal - but then, you are trying to be serious, and get the point across.

Your mum clearly hasn't forgotten that you came out to her - there's no way a mother could do that! But I do wonder - do you talk about it at all? Have you considered that she actually might WANT you to contradict you, or to discuss things with you, but might be embarrassed to bring it up or is not sure of how to broach the subject? I only say this because this is the sort of behaviour I have come across in friends - they want to talk to me about the fact that I've come out to them in an email, but instead they start making comments about men.... but I could be totally off the mark with this.

But I would think that she has definately been gauging your reactions. It won't have passed your mum's notice that you haven't contradicted her when she says these things. And unless you know her very well, you don't necessarily know how she interprets this silence of yours. Your mum is much more likely to interpret your words more accurately than your silence. Therefore I WOULD speak to her, by letter if you feel more comfortable, although a casual, laughing, remark might work too.

Good luck

 

Well good luck with it all and I hope you start sorting things our with her !!

 

Try downloading some Pflag ressources for her as well to put in with your letter. You definately do need to talk about this and Jim's suggestion is good. Even if it is really hard and it hurts you like hell just laugh and say Yeah, right!

If that is too in your face for you just look your mum in the eye and say softly 'please mum...'she will get the message eventually. You are going to have to be strong here. Don't expect miracles over night your mum is obviously having a really hard time coming to terms with this and is firmly stuck in the denial stage.

Giving her some resources will help her realise that her reactions are normal and that you are serious about this and it isn't just going to go away because she can't deal with it.

I know this is hard because you want and need your mum to support you but in this case you are going to have to be the one giving the support... yeah I know this isn't how it is meant to be but this is how it is.

Oh that sounds harsher than I mean it to be, sorry. Let me give you and image;
An adult wants to take a child into a new strange room, the child clings to the doorframe kicking and screaming and refusing to go in, they don't know this room and they are scared, they don't understand why you are trying to force them in. Once the adult prises the child off the doorframe and drags it into the room, once the child has calmed down and looked around it sees that this room is not so different, not so frightening and they can relax and smile once more.

So in this story you are the adult and your mum is the child... do you see what I am getting at, your mum is scared of the unknown. Try to see it from her point of view and it will give you the understanding you need to be patient with her and help her overcome her retisences.

This is a job which will require time and patience. Even if things do get worse for a while, don't give in your mum is just having an adult temper tantrum out of fear of the unknow and giving into her will not help you or her.

I'm sorry that you have to take on this as well as all the other things that are going on in your life but the sooner you start being firm with your mum with 'looks' which say muuuum!' or gentle words she will HAVE to come round eventually.

As for the g/f thing don't worry what it looks like to anyone, if you like someone and they want to go out with you then just do it, don't over analyse it just relax and enjoy.

 

Good luck! I really hope everything works out for you. (*hug*)