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Coming out as not an a$$hole

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by agonizingnose, Dec 21, 2013.

  1. agonizingnose

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    Okay the title might be weird, but I'll explain. First off, I am 99.9999999 percent open with my sexuality. However, due to fear of bullying I have put up an emotional/social wall, by acting like a total a-hole, dying my hair black, smoking (I try not to), swearing constantly, and the list goes on. When I was going through depression I belived that this mask I put on was the real me, and that I was nothing better than a grungy emo twat, (no offence for anyone currently dealing with depression). However I would like to start showing the more friendly and flamboint persion that I believe is the "real" me. But everyone just considers me to be a selfish d**khole. And me myself after acting like this for a few years, don't really know how to act like the "real" me anymore. Advice?
     
  2. the lone wolf

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    Well, Haven't got real experience on this topic, but you call it the "real" you, so that should mean the someone you really are, the things you really feel ect.
    Just (cliche) respond to things with your heart, the way you really feel like.
    If you do that, the response will be coming from the real you, don't just act in ways you think you should, if it means it isn't the way you really want to act.
    Sorry if this is not exactly helpful, I'm not really sure if this is anywhere close to good advice.
    Good luck!
    Aaron.
     
  3. agonizingnose

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    Thanks man, any advice is wunderbar
     
  4. Nikky DoUrden

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    I'm sorry in advance for not being able to give good advice like other people, but I can say from my experience that it can be hard to change yourself, but being younger is an advantage, so if you want to change, it is the perfect time !
    You can start by looking how people you want to act like acting, and try to see what kind of those things suits the real you.
    Depends on your current friendships, you can start by acting differently with your friends so you'll get more used to it, like a friendly-test-environment :slight_smile:
    There are also experts on this site just in case you'll need to figure out things more deeply.

    And you can start by quitting smoke, way healthier :wink:
     
  5. matty13

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    Listen, it's clear from your post that you are a nice, friendly person, with a lot to offer.
    Always be the real you, life is so much better! I think a lot of people hide behind some kind of veil and when you are GLBT (especially if you are younger) it is often easier to put a wall up than be open and honest. I know what its like to fear bullying for being yourself, but there will always be people who will take your side and be friends with you no matter what. But, if you want to have real friends who you can trust and don't care about your sexuality then be the real you!

    With regard to the other stuff, you're a teenager, we all do stupid things when we are young, but cut out the smoking that's not cool.

    Remember it's nice to be nice.
     
  6. greatwhale

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    Here's an insight from no less that William Shakespeare:

    "All the world's a stage,
    And all the men and women merely players;
    They have their exits and their entrances,
    And one man in his time plays many parts"

    More to the point, we are what we act much more than we realize. The "self" is a performance! It is almost impossible to grasp the "real" you because the "real" you is whatever "you" decide it to be.

    You've played the role of Emo for a while now, that's the real you. Good news is, you could change to something else instantly. Whatever core "thing" within us is as insubstantial as a ghost, barely perceptible. In that sense we are strangers to ourselves; something akin to the shock of discovering what we sound like when listening to a recording of our voices.
     
  7. hitgirl

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    You sound very self-aware for a fourteen year-old and even for an adult and you're obviously a really nice person. I'm pretty impressed by your idea to be honest, I might try it myself!

    I would say most adults won't be surprised if you start acting differently. We all know that teenagers are still figuring out who they are. And as for school, why not start after the Christmas break? The gap could help!

    If you're struggling with the "how" in a more literal way, take it one step at a time. Week 1) stop swearing or cut out some of the worse words. Week 2) Say something nice to your parents or do something nice for them like washing up. If they are shocked, make a joke of it, "What, you think all emos are assholes who never wash up? I never knew you were so prejudiced!" Week 3) ...be even nicer... or whatever you wanna do in week 3.

    Good luck :slight_smile:
     
  8. Daydream Harp

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    Not everyone who likes Grunge, Emo or that have black hair and swears are evil assholes, just saying... most are probably not, I listen to a lot of Rock/Metal of all kinds and I try my best to be nice still, and I only swear because I find them to be useful words to use and I have no religious reason not to do so =/

    If this is the attitude you have, you should try to change it to come off as nicer. You don't even have to change your taste in music.
     
  9. Bradley97

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    Speaking from experience, when I was 14 I was very immature, incredibly arrogant and a complete asshole - very focused on money and social classes.

    As we develop, particularly as young adults, our mindset changes and our attitude and approach can change. I had completely damaged by image and therefore found it difficult to make friends for quite some time.

    My advice to you would be to always 'be yourself' - perhaps identify a small group who you imagine the 'real' you fitting well with and spend some time with them, show them the real you.

    Friendship is really important and having supportive friends who accept you for who you are and make you happy is crucial to enjoying life so this is an important step.

    Things will most likely fall into place naturally as you find a group of people suited to your needs - perhaps check their views on LGBT issues if you think you may come at to them at some point in the future to avoid any problems.