Hi, About 2years ago, when i was 17, i started to realise and come to terms with the fact that i was bisexual after i fell in love with or atleast had strong feelings for a woman(this turned out to be unrequited). It didn't really come as much of a surprise to me as when i was younger, and before I understood bisexuality, i would have times when i would be unsure of whether or not i was lesbian or straight. One particular memory i have was reading the confession section of a teen magazine, probably at about 10 or 11, where a girl told her story about coming out and i considered that, having had felt some of the feelings she expressed, i could be a lesbian. However at about 13 i became more interested in men and developed real feelings for a man, and for this period of my life, I kind of forgot about my doubts and just assumed that I was straight .Even once I started to become sexually aware, I mostly thought of men, sexually, however I was occasionally attracted to women. The main problem for me that caused doubts about my sexual orientation, was that I didn’t realise that you could have a ‘preference’ and still be considered bisexual. As I have been to attracted to many more males than females, I kind of thought that it might be a phase. Now, I realise that it isn’t a phase and I have been attracted to enough women to know that it isn’t just a case of curiosity and that I probably am a 2 on the Kinsey scale. I haven’t come out to my friends or family yet, mainly because I haven’t had a reason to, although I am now quite sure I am bisexual, I haven’t been with a girl before and I know that my family will probably just dismiss it as a phase, especially as to them, by being bisexual, I would be ‘choosing’ to be with a woman over a man. There is also the fact that My Grandparents are strongly religious, and believe that being with someone of the same sex is wrong and my Dad is slightly homophobic and while I know he would accept me if I do come out he probably would never be ‘happy’ or fully supportive of what he would call my “lifestyle”, because of this I feel that telling him might put a strain on our relationship and I don’t want this to happen as I still live at home. Considering all this, and the pros and cons of coming out, I have been thinking about only coming out when/if I get a girlfriend as I don’t know how far into the future this will be, and may be under better circumstances (like having moved out from home etc.) however I am not sure if my family would react better to knowing now so they have a chance to process it or just one day telling them I have a girlfriend? I am interested to hear what people think would be the best thing to do? how was your experience coming out, how long had you known when you came out and how did your family react? Thankyou for any advice, Emma
Hi, Emma. Before I give you my (shitty) advice, I'd like to tell you a bit about my experience with coming out as bisexual. Which will basically be my advice anyways. XD At first, I was completely unsure of who I was and it was eating away at me. I then decided I had had enough. I needed to tell someone. Trust me; once you tell even just one person, you feel so much better that you have at least one person to confide in. I told one of my best-friends. She was completely accepting and I felt like a massive weight was just.. gone. After a few days, I decided I'd tell my crush (who also happened to be one of my best guy-friends. :3). It went well. And I was happy that I told him. There was something he said that day, and I want to impart it onto you, because I think it is very good advice: "If there are people that don't accept you, then they don't deserve your friendship or attention even. The people that accept you are the ones that care about you. And I accept you, because I care about you." So... yeah. XD I hope that helps... even just a bit... Sorry if it didn't. This is the first time I have given advice on this forum. I hope you are doing alright. When/if you come out, make it someone who you trust immensely and that they are accepting of the LGBT side of life. :/ Anyways... Good luck! Kael~
