How do I come out to my parents?

Hi. Welcome to EC. Grab a mug of cocoa, find a chair, and enjoy the warmth.

First, don't rush yourself into anything. I don't know how old you are, but you have a lot of time. Religiosity doesn't necessarily commute to homophobia, so I would first try to (discreetly) probe them to see if they are open-minded to homosexuality. If they are, then come out when you feel ready, otherwise, you might need to be a bit more careful.

You can either try to steer them in more tolerant direction, or hope that their love for you is stronger than any of their homophobia.

 

Can you provide a little more background about yourself. You should not rush doing it unless you are really ready for it and are self-independent.

 

Ain't that the truth!

A lot of us are in the same boat here

 

Talk about Gay Rights see what they say about it. If it is Bad, brace yourself! but if it is good go right out and tell them!

 

Welcome to EC! It's a lovely place to get advice and feel more at ease with yourself so I hope you'll stick around.

First things first, try to see their stance on gay people. I had originally expected my mother to throw a fit when I came out to her and I even had a plan in case I got kicked out. She may still be having issues accepting it but none of this happened. You can never be sure of their reaction.
Most people are assumed to be straight because that is the "default" in our society. We are still considered deviants. So don't worry if you went along with all of their dreams. It's okay.
You said you've come out to some of your friends. Have they been supportive? If you suspect that your parents might not be, it'd be a good idea to tell some people who you know will support you first. It'll do a lot for your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

Now, the basic things to worry about if you intend to come out to your parents:
-What's the worst-case scenario? They kick you out? They disown you? They get angry at you?
-Can you deal with the above scenario?
-If yes, are you ready to tell them?
-If yes, do you want to tell them both at the same time?

Another thing to consider is that it really helps to prepare a little speech in your head before proceeding. You probably won't follow it completely but it will help you explain your feelings. They might have questions, too, so it'd be easier to answer them if you are prepared.

I am no expert, just talking from my own experience. I hope I've helped even a little bit.

 

Yeah I agree with others that say to discuss gay rights and see what they say. You really need to be able to realize that there are gonna be people in your life that will have problems with your sexuality, and that it is not your fault. When I came out to my mom she started crying and saying how I caused her so much pain, and at first I felt bad but then I realized that her issue with my sexuality was HER problem and that she would just have to get over it. I suggest that if you think your parents might kick you out or harm you then you should wait until you're able to provide for yourself. Good luck

 

I live in a religious community as well, but when I came out everybody was very accepting. I feel like sometimes coming out is a shot in the dark, so you just have to take a chance and hope for the best. They can't be mad at you for who you are, and even if that happens, at least you know you're openly being yourself =)

 

Some people live a fantasy based on what they were exposed to as children and were told to believe about what is "right and wrong" or "normal and abnormal". We call these organized belief systems "religion". As adults mature, they can either begin to question and weigh these beliefs against other realities they become exposed to and temper these beliefs to be in accord with the "real world", or go totally dogmatic, and think that every word and letter of the religious dogma is to be followed, even when some of the dogma is self-inconsistant or self-contradictory or just out of date or incomplete.

You say that your parents are "religious" and that you live in a "religious neighborhood", but you haven't said what YOU feel about the religion of your parents, which they have probably tried to impress upon you. Do you feel you are doing something "wrong" or "sinful" because you have realized that you are gay? Or have you simply recognized that gay is what you are, that it is going to be natural for you engage in sexual "acts" that are in conflict with your parents' and maybe your own religion, but which are totally consistent with being gay?

If the latter is true, then you are going to have to reject some or all of your or your parents' religious beliefs. That WILL upset some parents because they have to deal with what is often a "disappointment" that their offspring will have a more difficult and non-traditional life, and at the same time may be rejecting some unverifiable "beliefs" they have but have invested a lot of their personality and lifestyle in. That is a sort of "double-whammy" for some people which they handle by blaming the gay child for what they have no control over. Other parents will simply "go with the flow" and value their relationship with their child and their child's family above their religious beliefs.

If you feel your parents are the accepting kind, then you should probably come out to them as soon as you are ready, but if you feel they are the dogmatic kind, it is probably best to wait until you are out of their house and able to support yourself. If you are ready and do tell them, keep in mind that THEY may not be ready, and may choose to "ruin your relationship", even if you don't want it to happen and don't have a problem with them. That is their problem to have and one you cannot solve, no matter how you try to sugarcoat your coming out to them. You have to decide if you need to take that risk to be happy.