Hey there ! I'm currently 21 and in my second year of university. I'm not one of those people who will say "I've always known I was gay" because to be honest I didn't. That said I wasn't into girls either! I didn't even begin to think of anything sexually till I was about 16 and when all the boys ( I went to an all boys school - that'll help my parents case against me ) and so they always fussed over girls and I never saw the appeal. I did however have my eyes on a few of the older boys in the school and that's when I knew. I have a twin ( non-identical) and he was the first person I told just before I went into my first year at university. He said he always knew something was different about me when we were kid. I always liked playing with the "girl characters" in Soulblade on the Playstation and I shyed away from sports, small things like that; and now it somehow made sense. He's indifferent. One wouldn't know I was gay unless I told them so it's never even been a notion in anyones mind which Is why when I tell people they feel shocked and hurt, like I've kept it from them. I haven't gone out of my way to "hide " anything! I didn't even realise at times like that we're meant to make it obvious to people! Enough rambling, the issue now is that on my 22nd birthday I've decided to tell my mum that I'm gay. The only catch is that I'm a Sri-Lankan guy. Typically, things like this beome 10 times more intense and worse which is the only worry. My brother, who I talked to about it would rather I didn't tell them till I was completely moved out and on my own and independant incase of any backlash. I just feel, that any relationship I'm in, always goes really well for the first few months till "it's time to meet the folks" and when I can't introduced my significant other to my parents they feel hurt, or like they're not good enough and bolt. Which is fair enough, I may not understand but I can empathise. I just don't want to get to 30 and have realised I've spent the most part of my life hiding relationships and things from my parents and to tell them half way through my life that I'm gay might make it even harder for them. I honestly don't know, I seem to talk to myself round in a circle. Suggestions? Comments? A box of 9 nuggets? Sars x
Lol, I like you. When I told my mother, I didn't really outright tell her. I had to see a physiatrist who is actually an ex-olympic gymnast believe it or not, so he was unbelievably gorgeous and I had gotten back from an appointment one day and was just completely unable to not blab about how sexy he was, so I said screw it and blabbed to her. Was pretty hilarious the next day she was like "Were you telling me that you're gay yesterday?" Hahaha, I love her. She's a strong simple southern woman. You seem pretty like a pretty reasonable fellow, I'd like to believe your family had something to do with this so hopefully they are also pretty reasonable. If you have had really 0 interest in girls growing up (as I did as well) then it wouldn't be that surprising if the thought had already crossed their minds once or twice.
Haha why thank you ! You're little story did get a giggle out of me :lol: ! They are pretty understanding parents, in the "asian" community It's more what other people think of you than what they personally think, which tends to be the root of most our arguements. When I went to university I got my lip pierced and although they where upset I hid it from them, they where fine with it personally (after they got used to it, and it was a big deal considering what I thought would go down!). I do still take it out whenever relatives come round so they don't have to deal with the looks and hushed whispers though mind, and I imagine when I tell them it'll just be something they know and no one else in our family does, which to be honest I don't care about I just have this pit in my stomach whenever we share a moment as a family and everyone's happy and has that shine in their eyes that has me thinking, "Would they still love me like this if they knew?" Thanks for your response - I guess I had resigned myself to not getting a response but seeing someone taking the time out to read and respond has made my day :smilewave Sars x
Being gay in a non-western culture is harder in a lot of respects. Hell, even being straight and growing up in a western culture while being ethnically foreign can be difficult too. If you think that telling them is, or will be inevitable, I would suggest doing it sooner rather than later. Absolution is a wonderful thing - you'll either know and they'll take it well enough; or you'll know and they'll kick up a fuss, but then at least you can work on it. Not knowing and never knowing is painful in the long run. It's a big help that you're not living at your parents anymore, so there's one less thing to worry about. Picking up that courage to do so is easier said than done, but this community is here to help give you that
You said it perfectly! Might have to quote you on that when I give them my whole coming out "speech"! I'm beginning to feel that sense of community, I can't begin to get accross how much of a weight's been lifted off me getting this off my chest! I regret not looking for boards such as this sooner, being the "token gay" can be lonely; especially when the only "advice" you get from friends is "DO IT", I'm sure my friends are going to be bias so it's nice seeing a level headed opinion from people who've gone through it already!
Hey Sars, I can definitely relate because we're of similar background (I'm Pakistani/Indian). If you don't mind, to get a better idea of the situation you're in, what's your family's religious background? Hindu, Muslim, Christian? Anyway, coming from a non-Western family and still being dependent on your parents, I would have to suggest waiting to come out until you're independent. That way you're more prepared for the worst case scenario. On the other hand, your parents may be offended you waited so long to tell them, but sometimes you really gotta do what's best or safest for yourself. I'm sure when dating your boyfriend would also understand. Make sure to keep us all updated!
