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Being Gay... Why is it so Difficult?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HighintheClouds, Jun 22, 2008.

  1. HighintheClouds

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    Well, I posted this on two websites before, but then decided to come here as I think that it suits me better (as a community of gay people around my age). Heh, I suppose that coming here was what I should've done all along (I posted this on *** [this was one of the websites] and they deleted my account because I was too young).

    Anyway, this is my story...

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    This is about me, as a person, as somebody struggling with being a gay. You know, it’s horrible, only a few people in my day-to-day living know about my sexuality. The first was... a mistake, to put it bluntly... I didn’t even tell him willingly. He practically forced it out of me (I was 13-14, he was too). Heh, and the saddest part was: he’s a homophobe. This then led me to telling my parents (at his insistence). Up till today, I don’t know whether that was a good or bad decision on my part. They’re both strongly anti-gay.

    I went for counseling, I went to see shrinks, I even met this guy from an organization which claims to turn gays into heteros (Exodus International, I’m pretty sure that some of you people know about it). None of it worked. Me and my parents had arguments. Bad arguments. I hope never to repeat such affairs ever again.
    Do you know what a mental torture it is, trying to convince yourself that maybe you aren’t gay after all, that, hey, maybe it’s all just a passing phase, that, you know, maybe you just didn’t mix around enough with girls and that once you do, you’ll find out that you were mistaken, and also, maybe you just didn’t mix around enough with people of the same gender in a healthy way and once you do, you’ll be straight. Yeah... You’ll find out that you aren’t gay after all.
    I never could tell my parents that none of it worked. Sometimes, I think that I convinced myself that I was actually fine. Then I would drop again to reality. I never could find myself attracted to girls, only guys. That’s how it’s always been.
    I’m only 17. That’s how long I’ve been on God’s Green Planet. Only 17 years. I’ve suffered with this for a relatively short period. 4 years (but I suspect that I subconsciously realised that something was amiss even before puberty [you tend to realise that you aren’t like the rest when you sometimes play with dolls]). But you know... It feels like it’s been an eternity. Is it really a phase? Something tells me that phases don’t last for years, and that if they do, it’s all a really bad joke.

    And then... Only this year, I had an encounter with another man. It was stupid, really, I didn’t even know him. We just met up over the net and agreed to meet. I’m thankful nothing more than mutual masturbation occurred. I just never want to allow myself to go through such an experience unless I really love the person. But then... You know what? After that... I finally accepted the fact that I was gay. That I was attracted to guys and that I couldn’t change that.
    You won’t believe the... happiness that swept through my body when I finally accepted it. It seemed as if all the unhappiness and confusion I had been harbouring for the past 4 years (I still can’t believe that it’s only been 4 years; the emotions spent on this seem all out of proportion to the time passed) disappeared into thin air. And now... only two months on, I view it with bittersweet feelings coursing through my body. For I then decided to do something: I wanted to tell my parents that I was gay and that it couldn’t be change.
    The first person I went to was my mother. The huge argument I was expecting didn’t materialise. Instead, she told me a story. A story about this woman who never found the male physique attractive, even to the point of being disgusting. In fact, if she were to say so, she’d prefer the female body over the male one. And yet, this woman married and had kids. She wasn’t sexually attracted to males, but could still have enjoyable sex with her husband simply because she loved him. The conclusion of the story? Being gay is a lifestyle choice. You don’t need to be sexually attracted to somebody just to love him/her and have great sex with them. But is that true? I hear of gay men who marry women, fit in with society, and even though they love their wives, find that it doesn’t really work out. And then realise that they’ve lived their lives the wrong way, that they should’ve stuck as a gay person rather than try to live out what society wanted them to be.
    Well, I must admit that I was taken in by my mom’s argument. For a few days, at least. Then I started doubting, or maybe ignoring, and then told her that I didn’t think that being gay was wrong, which is the whole crux of the matter in my opinion. She got upset, to say the least, and this time, my father got dragged in. We then went down memory lane, got around to discussing WHY I even was gay. The theory is this: When I was young, maybe around 12-13, me and my dad had a stormy relationship. I never thought that he loved me (even though he did). He was always scolding me, calling me an idiot. And when I cried, he told me to “be a man”. Even thinking back now on those times disturbs me greatly. Maybe this was partly my fault, because I never really listened to my parents. But then, I always knew that my mother loved me. I could at least FEEL her love. To make things worse, those years were the years where I felt disconnected from my peers. I didn’t mix around. To tell the truth, I only had one friend (who is, ironically, the homophobe).
    The theory thus follows: Since I didn’t feel any love from my father, and since I didn’t have any friends (male or female), I began to have this longing for male companionship, something which I was lacking. Through puberty, the time of raging hormones and such, this yearning became sexually charged and thus I became sexually attracted to the same gender. What was the conclusion of this? That since the roots of the situation are “wrong” (in the sense that they were things which weren’t supposed to happen), being gay was therefore wrong. And I agree, I think that this theory is perfectly logical. Weirdly enough, I’m an advocate of the ‘nurture’ theory, rather than the ‘nature’ one. At least they didn’t bring up the bible against me this time...
    But you know, my father told me this: If I were to ever live as a homosexual or tell him that I still wanted to, he would kick me out of the house. And the sad thing is, he really means it.

    Only recently have I realised why people sometimes don’t want to go about having religion...

    Sometimes, I look at myself, as a person, as who I really am inside. And I see... a mess. A raging mess. And now, to me, the thing which rends my heart the most is that I used to feel so insecure, then I felt so much happiness when I thought that I was gay. And now, I’m back into the unknown. It’s depressing. It’s frightening.

    I always thought that suicide was the worst thing that one could do, and I resolved never to do it. You know what’s terrifying? When writing all this down and thinking about it, thoughts of suicide flitted through my mind. They quickly went away as I thought about what I wanted to do with my life. But it’s horrible. For the first time in my life, I actually thought about committing suicide, even if only for a few seconds.

    World, what’s happening to me? Am I really gay? Or am I confused? Can I really change? Is being gay really wrong?

    Sigh... My life is a mess. If I continue like this, I will eventually erupt. One day.

    ~~~

    No... I must not erupt. I can’t be a menace to myself and to others. Life is most definitely worth living. There are so many other things to focus on. But it’s sad, really, how things work out sometimes. How I can't be myself. The only thing reason I can come up with for this life of mine is that it's like that for a reason. Yes, an enigmatic answer. And I’d better find that reason out in the future. Maybe it’ll be when I’m 25, or 35, or 45, 55, 65, 75, or even 105.
    But one thing’s for sure: I need to get a hold on myself. I can’t allow myself to fall into depression.
    So... to any people who may have read this rather informative, if personal, entry, what are your thoughts on this issue?
     
  2. Lexington

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    I posted a longish answer to this on the other website, and it was up there for some time before your account was removed. Did you get a chance to read that? Or would you like me to reiterate that here?

    Lex
     
  3. beckyg

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    Why would anyone CHOOSE such a tormenting thing? I'm sorry, but your parents are dead wrong. Being gay is not a choice. It cannot be cured by attending reparative therapy programs in fact every major medical, psycholigical, psychiatric, and pediatric organization in the U.S. says that sexual orientation is a normal variant on human sexuality and trying to change your orientation can cause serious mental health issues. I want you to go to the sticky threads at the top and read what the APA has to say about sexual orientation and then you need to read all the PFLAG materials because I think you need to read them as much as your parents do. There is nothing wrong with being gay. Your relationship with your father did not make you gay. It is simply who you are. The story your mother told you about that woman could very well be true but do you think she was truly happy deep in her heart? How can you love someone deeply that you are not attracted to?

    This is an excellent pamphlet for someone such as yourself. Read it please. PM me if you have questions. Being yourself and loving yourself is the most fulfilling thing you can ever do for youself. http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_upload/Publications/Be_Yourself.pdf
    Be happy!!!
     
  4. subiedude

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    Wow, *hugs*

    As for you being gay... well, you sure sound like it to me, but you have to decide that for yourself.

    Its not just a phase, I learned that awhile ago. I fought it for years then said, "Fuck it, I'm never going to be happy by lying to myself"

    As for parent... Well, I've been disowned by my father and his family, and they are all bible thumpers, as am I, I just follow Jesus, not Paul (Jesus never said a damn word about it).

    My mom grew to accept it, then embrace it.

    And lastly, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING GAY!!!!!

    As for suicide, please, please don't, I almost did, I mean I had the car aimed at the edge, then turned at the last millisecond, just don't.

    I'm truly sorry that your parents cant except it. Unless you have somewhere to go, don't push them to throw you.

    I really hope this gets better for you...

    Spence
     
  5. subiedude

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    Oh, and you only get one life to live, live it how YOU want to live it. Not how SOMEONE else wants you to. We only get one shot, don't let them ruin it.
     
  6. Paralyzer

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    I guess I could give you my opinion on the whole issue, but from what you've written, you've given this so much thought already that I guess it would kinda be pointless for me to tell you what you've already concieved.

    I just have to say your parents are wrong..

    And that was one of the most beautiful-est thing I've read since coming to this website.
    One of the main reasons I'm here is to understand myself and others through this burden that was placed apon me (and others if you agree it's a burden) that is growing up with a contradicting sexuality and that passage is the core feeling and thought that I experienced while discovering myself and the world around me. Although I'm a very happy and optimistic person now, I just want to thank you for writing that beautiful response that conveys the struggle and confusion that the gay community lives through (every day).
     
    #6 Paralyzer, Jun 22, 2008
    Last edited: Jun 22, 2008
  7. Sam

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    I'm sorry about your situation. I don't believe being gay is a choice and so I don't believe it's yours or anybody elses fault. You were meant to be who you are. I'm not a highly religious person, what I'm saying is that I don't necessarily believe what is written in the bible because it was written by men and translated so many times that the way I see it some people along the way had to have put some of their own ideas in it. I do however believe in a higher power, one who is full of unconditional love and who made each one of us the way were supposed to be.

    My advice: Be yourself, don't try to be who other people want you to be at the cost of your own happiness because that is no way to live. I know you want to be happy and you said that you are happy when you are yourself SO BE YOURSELF! yes I know you are sitting there thinking "we it's easy for her to say that look at the situation I'm in I can't be myself" your right I don't know how it is for you because I've never been in your situation however, get a job if you can and save up money as soon as you can after you turn 18 move out and then you can be yourself. I'm not saying move out and stop talking to your parents but what I am saying is move out and that way when you start being yourself you can't get kicked out.

    The next bit may not be very good advice but seeing as you do love your parents, when you are around them after you move out don't mention anything to do with the gay part of your life and away from them you can be yourself.

    I really hope that your parents can open their minds eventually and I hope things get better for you and remember LIFE IS WORTH LIVING even when it doesn't seem like it.

    Good luck with everything

    Sam
     
  8. Willywilly92

    Willywilly92 Guest

    that pisses me off that people think that just because ur gay theres something wrong with u and they try to make u get help. well they can shove that help right up their @$$. dont our feelings come into consideration at times like those. and if anyone thinks that they can turn gays into heteros their retarted and should go die somewhere. i just cant stand it when people do stupid crap like that, ARGHHH! stupid anti-gay bastards
     
  9. Gustav

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    Suicide is never the answer...as tempting as it may seem in your mind for any amount of time. i've come close to suicide twice myself, and i knew someone in my lil' brother's school who commited suicide a few months ago. it is a horrible thing and it resolves nothing. i wake up stronger every day knowing i would have been dead if not for that decision to back out.

    i know life may seem to you like a dead end now, and your father is on the verge of kicking you out, but you still have your whole life to live...and it will get better.

    PM me if you would like to talk.
     
  10. Nanzuniko

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    I also don't recommend suicide. No, you won't go to hell. But you'll be stuck on this earth for probably a thousand or so years. Not fun. There was one that used to follow me around, her name was Milfred :confused:

    Oddly enough, I truly don't believe people are born homosexual. And I also don't believe it's a choice, either. It's hard to explain, but yeah.
     
  11. HighintheClouds

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    Sorry, I didn't get a chance to read it. I went to sleep and woke up and poof, everything was gone, heh.
     
  12. Lexington

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    OK. :slight_smile:

    Your mother is sort of dancing around a truth here, but she's left out something really major. Yes, even though you're gay, you can live life as a straight man. You can date girls, find one to marry, maybe even have kids with her. All without anyone else knowing about you actually being gay.

    But - and here's the bit your mother missed - for the love of God, why?

    I walk on my feet. Can't help it - it's part of my programming. How I was built. I COULD, technically, learn to walk on my hands. I might actually get pretty good at it, and could walk everywhere on my hands. But why? I'd rather follow my programming. I don't want to walk on my hands just because a few people think it's the "right" way to do things. Every time, I'd be wishing I was doing it the way it felt natural.

    We're fortunate enough in America to have many many places where one can live as openly gay. Not just in some small enclave, but in society as a whole. You can have a great job in your chosen field, be friends with your co-workers, go out after work with your friends, and then go home to your boyfriend (and, if you choose, kids). With nobody having a problem with it. And this isn't an impossible-to-obtain, lottery-style dream. It's within the reach of almost everybody. Yes, your town might not be one of those places, so it may mean moving. But it's still obtainable.

    I personally haven't ever met someone who truly fits the "I'm gay because my father was distant" mold. (I know you were a more in-depth than this, but I'm trying to sum up quickly.) I've met a few who have distant fathers because they're gay, but that's not the same thing. If it makes you feel better to have something to hang it on, fine, but I'd rather you didn't. Because for one thing, it makes your homosexuality a problem. And being gay isn't a problem - it's just a fact. You SOLVE problems, but you simple DEAL WITH facts. A cut on your hand is a problem, so you solve it by washing it off, putting on a bandage, whatever. Your foot size is a fact, and you deal with it by buying shoes that fit. Feeling "distant dad made me gay" points you in the wrong direction. You spend time thinking that "if only Dad loved me more, or I had an older brother, or an understanding male neighbor, I wouldn't be this way". And instead of looking backwards, wishing things had been different, you should be facing forwards, wondering how to proceed from here.

    Because whatever the reason for you being gay, the fact is - you're gay. And nothing is gonna change that. So your real question should me "Now what?"

    And that's where we come in. We can help you through the "now what"s.

    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  13. HighintheClouds

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    Well, people, I really must thank you all for what you've said. But I still have some doubts in my mind. So... I hope you don't mind me playing the devil's advocate and arguing for a case which seems against homosexuality. I'm doing this just to get stuff off my chest, to clear questions I have in my head. I don't want to go and talk to my parents about it because I don't want yet another argument. Not after last night. Yes, it happened again. Shouting. Slamming of doors. Me slamming my hand on the table. She, almost slapping me. She, telling me that she didn't want to care anymore.
    I don't want this to happen. I didn't want this to happen. So... Here goes.

    Again, I hope that you folk don't get pissed off; it's just that I really like to think things through before I do something, especially something this momentous

    1st Issue


    Well, I do believe that the woman was truly happy. For you see, this woman is a very close relative of mine. And I practically grew up with her. I was completely shocked when she told me that.
    This then leads on to the main argument: that one does not need to be sexually attracted to somebody to love them. Do we really need to be sexually attracted to somebody (or even a certain gender) before we can fall in love with that person? Because isn't sexual attraction superficial in nature? Isn't that what keeps marriages long and sweet? Loving the person who's inside that physical shell? Does it really need to be somebody who is the same gender as you?


    2nd Issue
    Well, the second issue isn't so much a clash of facts instead of a clash of ideologies.
    Does homosexuality really have a cause?

    Well, actually, I don't spend my time thinking that out, Lex. Rather, if I were to continue adopting this line of thought, I would (as you said) try to treat it as if it were a problem and do my best to solve it.
    The main thing here is: for the homosexual population, what is best for us? The nature theory, or the nurture theory?
    Here's how I view this controversial issue.
    NATURE: It's in you already. There's nothing you can do to change it.
    Well, okay. Maybe it is something. And if that's the case, then we should all keep fine and stop persecuting gays as it is. However... IF you are a theist (more of the Judeo-Christian type), you would believe that Man is by nature a fallen race and as such, even if it were biological in nature, this does not necessarily mean that it should be accepted and tolerated.
    Here's that other argument which I've heard being brought up. And this one's from an atheist point of view.
    So what if it's genetically proven? What about finding a link where some people are more genetically inclined to be alcoholics? Just because we find a link for something doesn't mean that we should allow those people to express those links.
    I can sense that the above argument may have touched some nerves. Again, I must say that please don't get angry and lash out. I'm just looking at all the arguments against us and seeing how we deal with them.
    NURTURE: Being gay is caused by what happened to you in your early life.
    Okay, so if this is the case, can we then say that homosexuality is not natural? Because something happened to you when you were a child/young person which wasn't supposed to happen to others? And, in extension, would this then mean that it wasn't right? And that we should try to change it?

    3rd Issue
    If there were a medicine which would allow you to become straight, would you take it?
    For me, judging by how my parents are treating me, I would say yes. Judging by how the world treats us gays, I would say yes. I don’t want to seem like a coward, but why live your life in such agony when there's a way out?
    We read about people who say that they used to be gay and then, through determination, became straight. Okay, I'm going to talk about some snippets of my life here which cause me some doubt.
    I realise that whenever I'm out with my guy friends (all straight), and when I have a really great time with them, I don't feel any homosexual longings. I'm at peace with myself. Is this a sign of that 'yearning for the same sex' we hear so much about?

    Well, people, those are my views. I implore you to try and clear them up for me, for I don't want to enter a world where I may be plagued with guilt. I hope that you can answer them as objectively as possible. Also, I would appreciate it if you could deal with all the questions I raised, for they are the questions currently nagging at me.

    But again, thank you so much. I feel the warmth here, and I must say that it's inviting.
     
  14. Emberstone

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    If your parents basis on being uncomfrtable with homosexuality because of what they have been told are biblical precepts, it proves what countless chirstian scholars and theolagist have said: most chirstians wouldnt know christanity if it came up and bit them on the butt.

    sad but true. in full biblical truth, jesus never once talks about homosexuality, except at one moment when talking about how it is a sin to use the term "rachas" against someone, which is widely considered by chirstian scholers to be a gay term. there is biblical precepts that say homophobia is a sin. in chirstanity also, the only moment in the bible that speaks out against homosexuality was in leviticus, and jesus rejected and repudiated all of leviticus purities rules. to add on top of that, chirstian scholars frequently point out that it was not a outright reference to homosexuality, but to people who were married and belived having sex with someone of the same gender wasent adultry to their spouses.

    technically, jesus rejects leviticus, and has not spoken out against homosexuality. he preached a message of love, humanity, compassion, and tolerence. he lived in a time when homosexuality was common place, and in some cultures at the time and in the area, it was widely practiced as a healthy practice. roman culture was rife with homosexuality. if it was a sin, truly a sin in gods eyes, why did jesus not speak out against it?
     
  15. HighintheClouds

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    Well, regarding this issue, I also thought that it was a good argument, until I heard that Jesus didn't speak about incest, neither did he talk about cannibalism or bestiality.
     
  16. BlueRose

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    Not necessarily. That would depend on whether one accepts the notion of original sin, which is not necessary to be a christian. The thing about sin is that it is a choice to go against god's will. If we are naturally evil, then we don't choose to break away from god. And that right there totally defeats the concept of Satan, in my opinion.

    That's an interesting question. Actually, it's very similar to another question I think about a lot:

    "If sexual attraction is genetic, then can we accept homosexuality and at the same time reject necrophilia or pedophilia?"​

    I guess the best counter-argument would be to ask if any of the parties are harmed by the act. In alcoholism and necrophilia and pedophilia there is a definite victim or injured party (in alcoholism that would generally be the self, unless the alcoholism leads to the physical of another). But it's not quite so clear for homosexuality. I, personally, don't see any harm. But I can see how others, who see it as a sin, would see it that way. Their line of thinking would be along the lines of: "Your having gay sex condemns you to hell, so we must stop it and save you from yourself." Which is pretty much the same line of thinking for an intervening with alcoholism. So the only real way to solve that issue would be to resolve the "is homosexuality a sin" question.

    Assuming that homosexuality was caused by environmental factors, then it wouldn't really be any different than any other personality trait. I, too, wondered about the lack of male companionship thing. But consider: would you go to a clinic or take a drug to cure something like, say, being an introvert vs an extrovert? Or how about liking to read vs not liking to read? Enjoying video games vs not? When I put it like that, it seemed kind of ridiculous (to me, at least). But, again, that's assuming an environmental cause. But still, nature vs nurture is a very messy situation. Neither is completely right or completely wrong.

    For this, I refer to the third X-Men movie (not really the best in the series, but I really liked the gay undertones). That totally depends on your experience and your relationships with others. I wouldn't because I have had a very positive experience of coming out. But I can see how you would want to be straight; I wanted that at one point, too. Does that make either of us cowards? No. It's just a reflection of how closed-minded our peers are. Everyone wants to fit in; it's human nature (no pun intended). But there is hope. That I and others are able to live openly is a good sign.

    What exactly do you mean by "homosexual longings"? Do you mean you stop thinking about men sexually when you're around them? Do you start thinking about women? It's perfectly fine to feel "at peace" when you're with your friends. That's why you're friends in the first place: they're fun to be around. Just because you enjoy being with your guy friends doesn't mean that a lack of male companionship was the "cause" of your being gay.

    I hope that helped some.
     
  17. Lexington

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    >>>The main thing here is: for the homosexual population, what is best for us? The nature theory, or the nurture theory?

    It doesn't matter which is "best" for us. I'm assuming one will be "proven" one of these days, but frankly, it doesn't matter which it is. Because your post seems to be saying "if it's genetic, we may be able to stop it...and if it's nurture, we may be able to prevent it". To me, the real question is "should it be prevented at all?" Or, to put it back to the original question, "Is it OK to be gay?" Not "understandable", not "acceptable, because the poor bastards can't help it", but OK. "Is it OK to be gay?"

    Your parents have told you their answer. No, it's not.
    My parents have told me their answer. Yes, it is.
    And I'm inclined to side with them. :slight_smile:

    Because what's gained and lost by me being gay? If I went back and "fixed" myself at age 15 so I'd be straight, what would change? Not much, I guess. I guess I'd have fallen in love with a woman rather than a man. Maybe I would've had kids, but I don't have much paternal instinct, so maybe not. And what else would be different? Not much. I wouldn't have had to worry about what my parents and friends would think before I came out. And I probably wouldn't have been at that parade this past weekend. That's about it.

    So if that's all that's different, why change? Why force left-handers to use their right hand in school because "some right-handers might laugh at them"? Why not just start saying, "You know, some people use their left hand", and try to teach everybody to get along with it?

    >>>I realise that whenever I'm out with my guy friends (all straight), and when I have a really great time with them, I don't feel any homosexual longings. I'm at peace with myself. Is this a sign of that 'yearning for the same sex' we hear so much about?

    Not sure where you're going with this one. I can take it to mean one of two things - "I don't feel sexual attraction for my friends, so apparently it's something that can be controlled" or "I dont' feel sexual attraction when I'm out with my friends, so my homosexuality is simply a perversion of my need for social interaction".

    Whichever it is, they're both wrong.

    Being gay (for guys) means the people you're attracted to are men. It doesn't mean you're attracted to EVERY man. Or even most men. And that's true across the board. Straight guys don't want to bed every female between the ages of 18 and 80. It just means that the people they're attracted to are female. Given that, being with your friends, and not having homosexual feelings, doesn't prove anything other than you're not attracted to your friends. (And that's a good thing, as countless threads on this board can attest to.) And when I'm out with my friends, most of the time, I don't feel "homosexual longings" either. Because I'm being social rather than sexual. Occasionaly, someone might catch my eye, but generally, we're doing social activities. Just because I don't pop a boner during that time doesn't mean I'm not gay. :slight_smile:

    You only touched on one aspect of this, though, and it bears touching on. Instead of arguing about whether gays can "reform" or not, let's assume they can. If there is, it most certainly isn't in "pill" form - it's probably a long series of psychological whatnot. So let's say that's an option.

    Again, I ask you - why?

    Your answers, as given above, amount to "because of how the world treats us gays" and " because of how my parents treat me". First off, yeah, there's discrimination against gays. But it's rapidly eroding. Twenty years ago, a gay student union at my high school (in a large city) would've been unthinkable. Now we have kids here whose biggest problem is "The guy I want already has a boyfriend." And they're in Iowa. Homophobia isn't completely gone, but we're making amazing progress.

    As for your parents, well, that's a more delicate area. Because frankly, I think your parents are dead wrong. I love and honor my parents all the way, but if they had tried to push me into being a doctor (say), I would've pushed back. Because I'm not doctor-material. Fortunately, that didn't happen. They loved us, taught us morals, punished us when we got out of line, and encouraged us to find our own way. Which is why we're so wildly different, I guess. :slight_smile: And, I should point out, both my parents are devout Christians. We were all raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday, did the Sunday school thing, everything.

    To extend a metaphor, it looks like you'd be willing to go through a long and agonizing series of surgeries to add six inches to your height, simply because "the world doesn't like short guys" and "your parents wanted a basketball player". If you really think that's the way to go, I don't think I can dissuade you. But I think you'd find it simpler, and a lot happier, if you held off for a year, went to college (or got a job some distance away), and then give being gay a try.

    Lex
     
  18. Blaz

    Blaz Guest

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    It all takes time. Sometimes you have to figure out who you are and whether that is who you really want to be.

    Sometimes in order to live a greater life, be the better man, we have to make the sacrifices of living a lie.

    Other times, that greater life comes in the form of living a(what some people call) avante-garde lifestyle.

    The thing I like here is that LOVE is present, you are searching for LOVE. If you can do that and not just look for sex, maybe you can figure out who you are.

    Good luck man.
     
  19. wivoyager

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    Well, every story has two sides. Do you KNOW this to be true? I don't believe it. I believe that through the THOUSANDS of years and multiple translations through languages the bible has gone through, some things were lost or changed through translation. I don't know this for a fact, but I read somewhere that the German Bible translated what is currently "man" to be "boy" up until 1983 in the passages that denote Homosexuality. Other wordings have changed throughout translations as well. I did a speech on Homosexuality and the Bible and I found roughly 4 different wordings to the Liviticus Code that prohibits homosexuality. You must also take the context of the writings into subject. As another person has stated, homosexuality was common back in the day Jesus walked the Earth. I really doubt that Cannabolism, incest and beastiality were as common. I mean, I know about 15 gay guys ( I'm not even out). I know 0 Cannabals, 0 People that have commited incest and 0 people who practice beastility. My whole point is that it makes more sense that he would have known about Homosexuality and it would have been a lot more probable that he would have said something negative concerning Homosexuality if he had felt that way.
     
  20. wivoyager

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    I can completely relate to this your situation, in a way. I had a friend who was similar to your parents: arguements, Bible talk, rejection and "Straight Camps" (He gave me brochures).

    First off, I don't know what they said to you or you to them. That's personal. BUT, this is what I found to be true with my friend. He cared about me. He didn't want me to go to what he percieved to be my doom. He attempted to save me from my sins, or, at least, what he percieved to be sins. Throughout this whole ordeal, we fought over the bible and feelings and pretty much every arguement concerning Homosexuality. In a way, he wasn't a true friend in the fact that he didn't accept me for who I was. In another way, he was in the fact that he was trying to aid and help me. In the end, we stopped talking to each other for about a year. HOWEVER, we made up and agreed that we each had our morals and ideas about religion and life and the we could live with the other's viewpoint.

    My point is that your parents love you and are only attempting to do what they percieve as in your best interest, what is "Normal" to them. (Heterosexuality, by the way, insn't normal. It's just common. :wink: Love that quote...thought I'd throw it in) No matter what you do, I'm sure that your parents will eventually come around, if not, they are not fit to be parents and you are better off not being around such negative people. Sorry if that sounds blunt, but it's just my opinion.

    If my parents had rejected me, I don't know what I would have done. Probably depression and suicide would haunt me again, as they did in 8th grade. I just wanted you to know that you are brave, no matter what anyone says.

    You sound SO much like me, or at least the me of the past. I swear I could have written that, or something very similar a very few years ago. It's all about accepting yourself. I would NEVER want to change my orientation now. Guys are so much hotter than girls :wink: I can definately understand why you would want to due to your parents though.

    When you said living in agony, you must remember that that will NOT be your life. You will eventually find the love of your life (I hope!). You will become happy and content with whomever you end up with. The only question is, would you rather it be a man or a woman?

    When I'm out with friends, male OR female, I don't have "homosexual lonings" it's when I'm lonely and feel like I wish I had a companion that I do. It's not the happy times that cause you to long for a partner, for someone to share your life with. It's the sad, lonely ones that brings that out.