Is there anyone else here who has had no contact with their parents after coming out? I didn't get to come out to them on my terms. I was outed, but ever since they found out, I haven't heard anything from them. I did get a very snotty letter a couple of weeks ago from my mom. She was trying to make me feel guilty for putting my son in a bad position. She wanted me to think about what I was doing to him. Strangely, my son is happier than ever, and he really loves my partner. My partner keeps telling me that I shouldn't feel so abandoned by my family, because at least they made some sort of contact. I wrote a letter back, but I haven't had any response, at all. I spent some time with my partner's family over the weekend, and I feel really jealous because her family is so accepting. Mine won't even talk to me. She tells me that if they make that choice, then it's their loss, but they're my family, and a part of me wants them in my life. I don't feel like I can really talk to her about it because when I do, she thinks I'm feeling sorry for myself and tells me to stop fishing for pity. She keeps telling me they'll come around. I get really down when holidays come around, and I'm just off all day. My partner and I talk about making new traditions, but there's a part of me that wants the old ones I shared with my family. I guess I feel sort of disconnected and alone because outside of my partner, son and a few friends, I have no one. There's a little part of me that feels like I've had to give a lot of things up to be with my partner, and there's a little part of me that resents that. I tell it to go away, but it's still there. I don't like it. I don't want it there, but it's still there. My partner gets upset with me because I can't tell her what really bothers me deep down. I don't want to hurt her, but I just don't feel like she understands. My parents are vindictive, manipulative, and often abusive, even now. My mom's attitude is that if I don't want her in my life on her terms that she doesn't want anything to do with me. I've tried to explain, but my partner doesn't really understand. I was just wondering if there was anyone else out there who'd been through a similar situation.
It sounds like your partner really doesn't have much compassion for the situation you are in with your parents. It might be better to talk about your feelings with a therapist because as long as your partner keeps brushing you off like you shouldn't be feeling this way, its bound to cause problems in your relationship. The resentment is going to build. It is normal to feel upset, depressed, abandoned, and rejected when your parents refuse to accept who you are. I'm sorry they are behaving this way. They might very well come around in time but for now you are hurting and your partner shouldn't be making you feel like there is something wrong with you for feeling that way.
Thanks Becky. I do talk to a therapist, and my partner and I sometimes go together. I was already in treatment for depression and severe anxiety when I met my partner. Her parents didn't talk to her for several years, and she keeps telling me mine will come around. My family isn't like hers though. My mother, in particular, is vindictive, manipulative and controlling. She's never been supportive, and if I don't play her games then she's very happy to cut me out of her life. She cut me out of her will when I moved away. My partner didn't have a great childhood, and her parents weren't always so understanding. I sometimes feel like she thinks I'm making a mountain out of a molehill with this. She complains when I react to something she says like she's my mother, and it upsets her. For years though, I couldn't contradict anything my mother said. I was constantly criticized and belittled. I've tried to explain that sometimes her "jokes" don't feel like jokes to me, but she just says I take everything too personally. She gets upset that I tell my therapist more than I tell her, but I'm not quite at the stage where I feel like I can tell her anything. I'm always afraid she'll react like my family does and just not talk to me or leave. I'm working on that with my therapist, but it takes longer than a few months for me to believe that she's different.
Yeah, I know. Sometimes people leave us with scars that really never mend and the slightest little thing sends us spiraling out of control emotionally. Been there and done that. I'm glad you are talking to your therapist.
I'm really sorry that your family have reacted so badly to news of your sexuality, and also that your partner seems so unsupportive of you in terms of its effects on you (*hug*). I think that it's really good and important that you're managing to see a therapist. I don't really know what to recommend, as I've never been in your situation, but as Becky says I worry that this could drive a wedge between you and your partner also, leaving you more vulnerable. I also worry about how you're worried about your partner leaving you (*hug*) - if you can, you should really try and separate her from your parents in your head, and try not to fear the same behaviour from her. It may also be that you have to be firm in explaining to her that your family's reaction is really getting you down, as she does seem to be being a little unreasonable, but I can see how you might be a little afraid to do this. But I really do hope that things get better (*hug*).
