Well, I might as well start from the top. This is hard and im literally breaking down and crying as im typing this.:icon_sad: I'm 23, male, and have accepted that i'm gay but not out. I was diagnosed with a panic disorder several years ago which has left me unemployed, living with my parents; I don't have any real life friends, I don't know how to drive, and I think i'm afraid of commitments. My grandmother just recently died, so my parents are out of town, leaving me to take care of our two cats. That's the back story. While I was just browsing the net for music (I heard the song Sugar Baby Love on the radio and wondered if there was a music video), I came across a video some of you have probably seen ( http://www.ifilm.com/player?ifilmId=2818874&cmpnid=717&pt=sr&refsite=8875 ). I watched the video and suddenly my emotions just burst out. While it's about HIV/AIDS and using protection, I caught at another message: growing up, being gay, keeping it a secret, then somehow coming out and knowing that everything can alright in the end. As to being gay I dont have any friends to talk to, nor any family members that would understand. I've never had sex, nor felt real emotional attachment to another guy, but I know i'm atracted to men and have accepted that. I suspect my parents know i'm gay or at least bisexual, but they've never acted on it or asked questions. I guess my mother would be supportive but my father is a basic 'meat and potatos' kind of guy, with typical negative views on homosexuality, racism, and civil rights. My problem is I don't know how to approach the subject. Since I don't really have anyone to talk to I considered counseling, but without being able to drive there would be no way to do so without my parents finding out. I'm so frustrated and there's no way to vent my feelings. If I don't tell somebody soon i'm going to have a serious breakdown. What should I do?:icon_sad:
It will be okay for you. You got past the first, "Am I gay?" thing, and your strong for that. I haven't gotten there, because I'm really not sure if I am or not. If you feel like your not ready to tell your father, there is no need. It's okay. You say you have no one to talk to besides your family, thats okay too, start with them. You may say they are not accepting, but they are your family, they love you and accept you no matter what. Try to tell your mom, it will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, but you should try if you think she will understand. Once you open up to someone, you will have a much easier time with the rest, you'll see. It'll be okay.
It's not even like me to even post here, much less think about 'coming out.' I've always been a difficult person to talk to and having difficulty in talking to others. I have had this secret for so long, I think it's finally come to the point where something needs to happen. I'm usually so strong willed, this crying business is a bit of a shock.:icon_redf I guess I need to get my priorities straight...
It'll take time i'm sure. I don't really know if I am a lesbian or not, but I've got this strong feeling that even If I'm not, this will be rough. It's rough for everyone who has this problem, but plenty of people have made it through. you can too, I'm sure. If you feel like something needs to happen, that's good. Your going farther, and eventually, you'll be okay with everything you are. It's not really a matter of priorities in my opinion, but a matter of you. If you are okay with everything, then you can move on. I'm glad you feel like your ready to come out, and know that it is best to take this at your own pace. It'll be fine.
LOL, listen to us to sobs talking like marriage therapists. I guess that's what these forums are for; not only getting advice from others, but helping those others go through the sme phases.
LOL, Well I don't know about you, but I like it here! I feel like I can really make it through here. I'm really glad I found it.
It's okay here, but a little quiet. We can continue to talk, I suppose. I'm not a pedophile or stalker, since im not really into girls as you've probably guessed.:lol:
LOL, that sounds good. Do you have an e-mail or IM? (I'm not into older guys anyway LOL) I'll private message you with mine.
Hi sleepless :smilewave (Oh - and "Finding Out" too ) Yes - it can be kinda quiet here sometimes - but it is getting busier, so please stick with us. You guys already seem to be developing a "cyber friendship" - and EC is pretty good for that sort of thing. As far as "not having anyone to talk to" goes - well - you've already made a start. And, believe me, a place like this can be very good practice for working yourself up to what you want to say in the "real world". Good to see you both posting - please keep it coming - and take what you can from the plkace - it's a really friendly little community here.
Sleepless.. I have posted my story on this site too... I can tell you it sounds a bit like yours... I can relate to feeling as though there is no one to talk too... The post with my story on it is titled "Looking for a Friend." I would be interested in chatting with you in the future... I Get IT!!! :icon_bigg
I had talked with an online friend last night and tried to open up, although it was difficult. Fortunately he was understanding, and suggested therapy to help cope with the stress of coming out.
Therapy.. AHH what a wonderful word... It is interesting though... I have tried therapy in the past. I did not find it to be very helpful. Of course I went in thinking something was wrong with me for being gay. So here is a tip.. KEEP THE THERAPY FOCUSED ON THE STRESS AND ANXIETY... Remember you don't have Mental Health issues... Therapists are trained to help with Mental Health disorders... So once agin keep the therapy focused on stress and anxiety... <---- Said it twice... That's my 2 Cents
I know there's not something wrong with me. I just feel that maybe talking to somebody who doesnt have a bias towards me and is neutral on the matter would be a good place. Even paying somebody to just sit and listen while I talk is good enough for a start, to me.
Sleepless, you are absolutely right. Having a therapist / counsellor that can listen and talk with you that is non-judgemental and accepting is a real help. That has been my experience, for sure. Some companies have 'employee assistance programs' and your mom or dad's work might be one of them. They have 800 numbers that you can call to get in touch with someone, and if driving isn't an option, sometimes you can even do sessions over the phone. This isn't ideal, but it is a possibility. Your folks wouldn't need to know the specifics, other than you were feeling down and thought speaking to a professional might help... I've been pretty low lately as well - but things can and will get better. Look at all the people that have responded to your posting already! There are lots of people around that care. Good luck.
Like me! I care It would help a lot, I talk to the guidance counsler in my school, (not really a therapist, but close enough) And talking to someone like that is a real help. You may have trouble talking to them at first, but just think. It's their job to listen!
Sleepless........I can't say that I know how hard this is because I was on the other side when my son came out me. I can tell you that is absolutely hell seeing your child so upset and not knowing what is wrong with them or how you can help. I was relieved when my son came out because then I knew what was wrong! All the anxiety and depression disappeared after he was able to that. Its okay to cry and its okay to talk to people both here and professionally. I hope you are doing better now. Becky Proud Mom of a Gay Son and Two Straight Daughters
Thanks for the support, guys (and girls). I do feel better now that it's at least semi-open. I've never actually come out and said anything, or asked for help. I had friends back in school that pretty much 'knew' I was gay, but I never told anyone anything. Even had a male friend that thought the shyness was kinda cute, lol. With the emotions, it seemed like a dam burst open and all the supressed feelings came flooding out. I mean, I had accepted that I was gay around age 17, but never actually sat down and thought about it until last night.
