Okay... so I got a job, just like they wanted me to. I clean the house when they are gone. I don't have parties. I don't have friends over. I don't make messes. I am going to a very good school. Yet my parents still make me feel like shit everyday. My dad gets home, and sees me playing guitar, and tells me to find another hobby. My parents only ever talk about my brother... who I try to support, but my parents always compare me to him, and tell me they wish I was more like him. My mom, since I work at the same place as her now, comes home and tells my dad all these things about me, like: I am stressing her out, and causing her problems, being too slow, not doing my paperwork, blah blah blah. She doesnt even work in the same department as me, so she has no idea. Then she says "you better not make me look bad" all the time. Then my dad then gets pissed at me and makes me feel so ashamed... for things I haven't done... They tell me that they don't want to talk to any of my relatives about me because they feel like I am bringing the family down (usually by calling me a loser; something my dad calls me all the time), and when my relatives do ask about me, my parents say "well, you know mike", followed by a laugh. Then they quickly change the topic. I could list these things off all day. I feel like I am being bullied. Cause I have no escape... They are out of the house right now, and I am honestly dreading the moment they walk back in that door, because my heart will sink back into the darkest pit of me and I'll hold my breath and not say a word until they go to sleep; too afraid that if I say something, I will get beaten with verbal crowbars. I am Hopeless. I wish they would be proud of me. And its not like I can just get up and leave... I live in a tiny town, and I don't have much money... They just got home, and they have already started again, calling me dirty... I have to go.
I know it's difficult but you have to try to do what I do with my parents most of the time, especially now. That is: IGNORE THEM. I know it's difficult but it can be done. In extreme cases you could get some of those little things you put in your ears not to hear (I apologize for my lack of knowledge of the English language), and reply "yes" to everything. Or you can just play the guitar, or the like - I know that it's very absorbing, after seeing my father playing the bass for years and not paying attention to anything while he's doing it. You also need to find ways to stay out of home. With the money from your newfound job you could pay some classes of something (personally I'm thinking of taking graphics design classes and/or programming classes in addition to university right now). It doesn't have to be useful, you only have to like it and it has to be somewhat time-consuming so that you're out of home. Volunteer work is always an option, too. Or you could get online and try to find an LGBT organization. Toronto is a first-world major city so I'd be very surprised if there wasn't one. Then you could spend your time at the meetings and maybe find some hot guy *wink* That's what I can think of right now. I'll try to think of something else as a plan... D, I think. If you ever need to talk, you know how to contact me.
Why is it parents do not receive training before they have children? Geez! We need it before they are born, when they reach the terrible twos, when they are going through puberty and consistently through the teenage years. Why do we not relate better to our kids? I don't know. I didn't have these fights with my kids. My kids might tell you a different story.......well no, I don't think they would. Mike do you think they do this because you are gay and they think that is somehow less deserving than your straight brother? Fred gave you some pretty good advice there. Really, your only escape is to get out of the house. You need to start saving to just move out of that place. Try not to let them get to you.
Hi Mike! Sorry to hear about the situation with you parents. It can be tough living at home at times. I'm sure that you are not bring your family down and you are not a loser! I mean look at the things you are doing for them and that you are doing for yourself. From what you have said, it is clear that your parents are violating your emotional boundaries without even realizing it. It sounds as if your parents are offloading their frustration (which might have built up during the day) on you. Try speaking to them about it and tell them how this makes you feel. Talk to them and list everything you are doing (as you have listed at the top of your post) and see what they say to that. Ask your mom why is it that you are stressing her out? Why is it that she's so concerned about how and what you do on your job? I'm sure you are doing an excellent job! If you find it that it becomes too unbearable to live in your parents' house, maybe trying to find a place of your own is something you should consider. Although you are living in a small town, maybe you could find something in Toronto (or just outside of it), even if it is just a furnished room or shared accommodation to start with. You mentioned that you don't have a lot of money. Maybe you could find something inexpensive on student housing websites. It is summer and a lot of student accommodations are empty. I think you could find something that is inexpensive. Do you work in Toronto itself? Alternatively, and as Frederick mentioned try doing things outside of the house so that you are not at home for most of the day, if that is an option for you. I hope this helps a little bit. If you ever want to talk more about it pm me anytime.
Hewf. Thanks guys. They are sleeping now. And my dad will be gone for the week, then my mom and him will be gone for another week. So I can let loose and have a mad Canada Day Party!! haha kidding. Thanks for the advice guys. This isn't just a one time thing though, I wouldn't make a post about that, but this has been ongoing for like a few months... (including the bootage from my home). I can't find another place to live, because my parents are going to help pay for my education, and they will flip if I decide to leave, and probably stop the founding. I will stick it out. I know its worth it. I just had to vent. Thanks again.
are you going to college this fall? can you stay with a friend until then? You're in an emotionally abusive situation, but since you're 19 there's nothing you can do about it really besides leave. Research some scholarships. I know there's a specific scholarship for glbt students in lacking situations. keep up the good fight!
The quote that I practically LIVE by: "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." - Eleanor Roosevelt Let me ask you a question. Who is Mike? Who is Beebo? Who are YOU? Take yourself out of your parent's mindset right now. Take yourself away from everybody else. Don't think what your parents think of you, or your friends, or seanathon (even though, for the record, I think you're pretty awesome.) Now, who are you? Don't let the words of your parents break you down. In my opinion, the harshest words are the ones from Mom and Dad. Would those words be that harsh from your boss? A person on the street? Absolutely not. NEVER compare yourself to a sibling. You may share blood, but that's it. You are Mike. You are so incredibly special in your own way. You have incredible integrity in my opinion. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Hang in there. Your parents love you, they just can't express it. They want to perfect you, they just don't know how to express it. But I, personally, can't see anything that needs perfection. And he's a little blast of love: LOVELOVELOVELOVELOVELOVE it's rainbow 'cuz we're ghey. One day you'll move out and they'll miss the balls out of you. ~ To be honest, I always thought that people should be screened and apply for "children licenses." Haha.... is that communisty of me?
Also, I forgot to add: (Paraphrased from a Facebook bumper sticker): Whenever you feel ugly, or stupid, or crappy, just remember.... YOU WERE THE FASTEST SWIMMING SPERM OUT OF MILLIONS. ^_^
Oh jeez Mike That's so lame. But I hope you know that I still listen to that song you recorded for me. Anything that can create that is not a lame hobby. You've got a wicked hard and a wicked mind. But sometimes that doesn't give us the best cards in life. Trust me, don't let your parents get in your way. Being a creative mind myself I feel like I am the "Failure child" at times. But even if I can't talk poltics for hours with my dad, or talk engineering with my mom to make a rain barrel. I know that I've got a wonderful mind that will get me far in life. And you have one too, Bob Dylan. Every artist needs his struggles. That's what makes good artists. BTW, I'm trying my best to see about Canada Day but honestly...UGGHHH. Sorry to hear about this. At least University is comming Then you can prove them all wrong. Mwuahaahha
Hi Mike, From what you’ve described, you are being victimized, bullied, and mobbed by your own family. Although “mobbing” more often refers to ganging up on someone at the workplace, it can happen anywhere, in a club, on a team, amongst friends (using the term “friends” loosely) or within your own family. Here is the definition from Wikipedia: “In the book MOBBING: Emotional Abuse in the American Workplace, the authors claim that mobbing is typically found in work environments that have poorly organized production and/or working methods and incapable or inattentive management and that mobbing victims are usually "exceptional individuals who demonstrated intelligence, competence, creativity, integrity, accomplishment and dedication".[3]Though the English word mob denotes a crowd, often in a destructive or hostile mood, German, Polish and several other European languages have adopted mobbing as a loanword to describe all forms of bullying including that by single persons. The resultant German verb mobben can also be used for physical attacks, calumny against teachers on the internet and intimidation by superiors, with an emphasis on the victims' continuous fear rather than the perpetrators' will to exclude them. The word may thus be a false friend in translation back into English, where mobbing in its primary sense denotes a disorderly gathering by a crowd and in workplace psychology narrowly refers to "ganging up" by others to harass and intimidate an individual. I don’t have a ready explanation as to why parents would mob and bully their own offspring. As Becky has already mentioned, some parents just never learned how to raise children with dignity and respect. They let their own frustrations get the best of them and look for somebody to blame for their own shortcomings. Giving your parents the benefit of the doubt, they may not even realize how they are affecting you. You’re already on the right track by keeping a tally of things that you are doing right. The day may come when you have to ask your parents why they continue to beat up on you without valid reason. In the meantime, maintain your self-confidence and don’t let them get you down. Prove them wrong by what you do. Slowly but surely, they should realize that they are the ones who lack maturity. Below is a link to a site about all aspects of bullying. Maybe you can find some posts that fit your situation. What you need most is support and the knowledge that you’re not the one who’s screwing up. You certainly have support here at EC. (&&&) http://www.parentscentre.gov.uk/forum/categories.cfm?catid=154
