Hi, My name is Jesse, I'm 13, and I'm new here. (Hi! :smilewave ) A while ago (about a year) I had noticed that I had started think girls were so much prettier than I had used to, and paying much more attention than I felt I should be. I figured it was okay, because I still felt attracted to guys. Just to be sure though I told my cousin, whom I tell everything. I feel as if I could trust my cousin with my life, she is very inportant to me. I told her that I was starting to get attracted to girls as well as guys, and she had immeaditly told me that it was okay, and a very normal phase in puberty. I relaxed for a while, and everything was okay. In that time I was getting a schoolgirl crush on a guy almost every day. Just an occaional "oh, that guys hot" kinda thing. But you see, in the last, about four months or so, these have compeletly stopped. (on guys anyway) I have had to acctually tell myself "oh look at him" After about twenty min. of staring at the girl next to him. I go into changing rooms with my friends, and have to look to the side awkwardly, where I never had to do that before. I've had quite a few schoolgirl crushes on girls in the past four months, but I just thought it was part of the phase my cousin had mentioned. The way I used to have them on guys, was I would daydream of my life with them, but now, I can somehow see myslef spending the rest of my life with these girls. When I had checked with my cousin though, she had said that you weren't supposed to only have crushes on girls, just be curious. I'm not afraid of being a lesbian, but I had alwyas wanted kids of my own someday with a husband, and just some kind of fairytale ending if you will. I have nothing aginst it, I have a friend who is gay. I asked him about what I was feeling, and he had just told me that I was probabally a lesbian. My cousin told me it was okay, I just needed to do some searching. So I searched, (she probabally had in mind more of a self search, hehe) And I found this place. So can anyone help me? I'm just confused. I don't want to do anything until I know for sure. Any advice? ~Jesse
When I was around your age, I had the same issue although opposite; I felt my attraction to girls lessen and an increased attraction to guys. I remember reading somewhere that it's a normal phase in puberty, where you're self-searching or whatever it's called, and you feel the need for the support and contact of others of your gender or even an emotional relationship. It might even be something like a deep comparison of yourself to others around you going through the same phase. Not sure if that's true, but it might be and sounds right. I guess it was more like a teeter-totter, one week being attracted to guys the next to girls. Eventually after about a few months, the teeter-totter stopped and I felt myself not attracted to women, at least not sexually. After a few years I kind of accepted that. All I can say is give it some time and things will sort themselves naturally (if we can call this natural, I don't know). If your teeter-totter ends up on guys or girls, I guess in the end we somehow don't really have a choice.
Thanks, I just feel like there's so much pressure for me to find out now. My friends are getting suspecious, and my Mom seems to be in huge denail, as she's angry at me all the time. (I hope it's not me, I mean my dad moved out a while ago, and things haven't really been the same since) I just hope things sort themselves out soon wether this is natural or not.
I suppose you (and all of us) should let it take it's course. If we force ourselves one way or another, im no psychologist mind you, I think that might be a little harmful to our mental wellbeing. You could say forcing yourself to be straight is being in denial, I guess. I say let your feelings show you the way, and don't force yourself to pick a path, it should come as naturally to you as breathing, as it did for me. Wow, look at me talking like a philosopher.
Haha, well Don't worry, It's helping me a lot. I really needed this site, and people like you. thanks so much!
I realize how lucky I am. I'm so glad for them, they mean so much. Do you have anyone if your family thank you think might have a more open mind then your mom? like a cousin of aunt perhaps?
As I said im an introvert. I dont talk much to other people, except those closest to me, which would be my mother and my cat, Smokey. Mostly Smokey just listens.:icon_bigg You're lucky to have relationships with your family, most of mine are distant, at best.
Aww! Kitty! I love kats, they're such great listeners. Well then stick with you mom. If you feel like having some better relationships with your family, you can try to make that conection. If might be easy for you to get close to a family member. If you don't want to, no need, the whole, your pace thing still applies.
Hi:smilewave Jesse / finding_out. It rather sounds like your family life is pretty disrupted right now - and I imagine your Mom has a lot of her own issues to sort out if she and your Dad have split. I hope we can help you "find yourself" a bit better - then hopefully you can be more sure of "who you are and what you want" when the time comes to be more open with your family.
