Well, usually I am a very bubbley, outgoing person, but recently I have started to find that I am getting a little less sure of myself- although I still manage to give out a very confident facade inside I can't help but worry what people are thinking about me. I know all this is probably very common amoung teenagers but it has really been effecting the one thing that I used to feel so comfortable doing - my sport. Basically, in September of last year I started playing for a new team. It was a very huge step up from the last team, I think about five leagues, but I had someone pushing me on and it was supposed to improve my game, as I would be playing with better people. Anyway, I started the season feeling better than I ever had - I had spent alot of the summer training and was feeling really positive about it all.. then I had an accident which turned things upside down and changed a lot. The first week back into the season I managed to really badly damage all the ligaments in my ankle. I was in a cast for about 3 weeks and wasn't allowed to play for 6 monthes. Sport is my stress relief. It is the one place I used to feel able to be myself, be confident and fit in. Of course not being able to walk, let alone play for so long really got to me. I was constantly in a bad mood and basically not very nice to be around. It was also during this time I started to think - realising that actually, maybe I had spent too much effort on sport as without it I felt like I had very little, and I also accepted the fact I was gay. It was a pretty stressful time really. So I wasn't able to play untill 5 months after the injury, I regained alot of my fitness, going to the gym every other day for the last 2 months of the time I wasn't allowed to play competitive sport, but I really underestimated how hard it would be to get back to where I was. When I came back, I came back far too soon and realised actually my ankle counldn't cope with the stress I was putting it under and I probably damaged it even more. I also seem to have pretty much lost all my confidence in my playing ability. Hockey used to be the one place I didn't care about things and I could get away from the rest of my life. I used to feel so confident, and now part of me hates it to be honest. I find it all so stressfull as I don't believe in myself and I don't trust my ankle any more. When I play I seem to be in constant fear of messing up, to the point where I sometimes don't want to play at all. It has lost it's fun, which is stupid when you are only 16!! It's just hard when I put so much effort and time into it, and now I am not enjoying it. So basically has anyone got any ideas how I can get my confidence back? I still love hockey I just hate all the expectation and worry I have about not doing well.
To get your confidence back, I think you should go out more. Like, go to the gym and work out, so you're improving fitness and confidence. Also, play hockey, even if you're not playing competitvely, play with some neighborhood kids or friends. Also, this is what I do when I have confidence issues, I buy new clothes. Even if it's just a cheap t-shirt or something, getting new clothes to look better always improves my confidence. Good luck!
A couple things. First off, evaluate your options. Is there somewhere else you can play? Here in the states, we tend to have "pick-up leagues" - generally laid-back sort of "fun" teams. You'll probably end up playing with people who aren't as good as you, and probably the games won't be very competitive, but it might be an ideal place to get back in the swing of things. You can play pretty much as much or as little as you think your ankle can stand, without a team "relying" on you. And you can do it in an environment of fun rather than competition. This can either be a short-term solution (until you get your ankle back, and want to return to more competitive leagues) or a permanent one. Secondly, keep expanding outwards. You might kick ass at hockey, but you're more than hockey. What else do you like? Not "what are you good at" but "what do you like?" I write, I draw, I design T-shirts, I collect music. I can't say I'm any good at any of these things, but that doesn't matter - I like doing them. Doing them makes me happy, so I do them. And that makes me like myself more, and boosts my self-esteem immeasurably. I think I kick ass, and because of that, other people feel the same way. So give it some thought. What else do you like? Lex
What Lex said but with an extra big (*hug*) I know this isn't very nice what I am going to say but you have just learnt one of the less pleasant lessons in growing up. You can have all the self confidence in the world then something comes out of the blue and rocks your world. Like Lex said, you are more than just hockey, I know this boosted your self estime and made you feel good about yourself but if your ankle really isnt up to it look to another sport or activity. You say that this is your stress relief, and I believe you but you added stress to your life as well, I get the impression you like to be best of one of the best at what you do. Again this is a self esteem thing and most of us like to shine at what we do, that's only natrual but for the moment you are going to have to take the pressure off yourself and do something else. The only thing I can think of for the moment is swimming where there is no strain on the ankles. Maybe you could ask your doctor which would be the best sport for you to try, even if it is only as a way of releasing your stress energy. If you like competitions and stuff like that you can always push swimming to competition level. I know it is not the same thing at all, it is just an idea but when you really really can't have what you want you have to settle for something else or just make yourself unecessarily unhappy.
