I am 38 years old. I got married at 18 (still married) and we have four children. We get along really well and he is my best friend. We both also feel it is really important to bring up our children in a stable family as we never had that ourselves. However, throughout our married life, we have had difficulties in the bedroom dept. as although I can have sex with him I can never kiss him and I have always fantasized and had strong crushes about being with women. My first sexual experience at 15 was with another girl and we had amazing sex. I have always fancied women, and don't really understand why I got with my husband, I think it was because he promised the best opportunity for me to get out of the situation i was in at home.I don't regret being with him and like what we have. I did have a girlfriend about 5 years ago. She was bisexual. My husband was fully aware and thought it good for me to be able to experiment. ( I know it sounds weird) It did not work out with her, although great fun, because all she wanted to do was put on a show in front of men and that made me cringe as I am not interested in men. I was with her for 18 months.I loved kissing with her, which I think hurts my husband. I have tried to kiss my husband but its not right, I don't enjoy it, it makes me feel a little sick but I will try as it makes him feel loved. I want to make friends with other women who are gay but I feel like a fraud. How can I be gay if I am happy to continue being married. I am also quite feminine and pretty so think I don't look like a typical lesbian either.But I feel gay, I love women and I know I have never desired men.If my husband and I ever split, I would be in a relationship with a woman. Is it fair of me to make friends with other gay women? Will they think I am a shallow fraud?
no your about as much a fraud as i (have a look at my posts 38 married and still in closet) if you want to stay in your relationship have you considered finding another bi-sexual woman who also likes your husband and is willing to try a threesome? or do you want an exclusive relationship? please forgive me if i seem a bit obvios but i saw no1 had replied to your post and at the very least wanted to tell you you are not alone ,chin up and good luck
As long as your husband is comfortable with you bringing another woman into the relationship, I say WHY NOT! It seems like the perfect way to keep everybody happy and you still have your stable family relationship. Becky Proud Mom of a Gay Son and Two Straight Daughters
Thank you both so much for responding - I thought no one would! I don't really want to bring a bisexual woman into our relationship ( and yes we have considered it - much to my husbands excitement) because I have realised over time that I want to be able to mix with people like myself and its not really just about sex. Most of our friends are straight and it feels sometimes like I am living a lie around them. I don't know if eventually we will split so that I can go and be myself, but at the moment I don't want to leave this relationship and break up our home. My husband is my best friend and is an amazing support, we have four children and of course it is complicated. I don't think I am trying to have my cake and eat it because I am not going to go out looking for sex, I just want to widen my circle of friends within the gay community but I think they will think I am a fraud and wont want me!! I have joined a couple of chat rooms, and have put myself down as single. I have done this because I feel that as soon as they see I am in a heterosexual relationship, they will assume I am looking for a threesome, which I am not.But it does not feel right either that I am almost hiding 20 years of my life so that I can talk to people. This whole thing is hard.
start as you mean to go on , i really do not think it is a good idea to lie , its better to say the truth ,or nothing at all , i wish i had'nt lived a lie so much as it is now much harder as lie's beget more lies and you may find that any new friends you meet will feel betrayed if it comes out or you decied to tell them? how would you feel if you met someone and then found out they have been fibbing ,also the gay community are just people and like people are a mixed bunch , you dont really need "friends" who would look down on you cos of you lifechoices .i know its easier to give advice than live by it but as its not sex i think you should just make some new friends .after all friends are friends are friends? hope this made a bit of sense . good luck
Maybe if it's just friendships you are looking for, why not get involved in some gay rights activists groups? Heck, I have more gay friends than straight. Becky
Both of your advice was really great. I hate people making judgement on me and so think your advice to be honest is best and if they don't agree with my situation - well, it's their loss! (I am a great friend) I have now started looking to see how I can support the community in any way - as I think it is a great way for me to meet people and make friends first hand without having to tell lies. So thank you both, I feel so much happier now. I wish you both well. Silkymess x
