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Guys... Thanks For All the Help. But It's Still Far From Over

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by HighintheClouds, Jun 25, 2008.

  1. HighintheClouds

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    Haha. Wow. Thanks so much people. I seriously appreciate all the advice you've given me. I feel as if things are clearer for me.

    Still, I think that you guys will need to know some info about me. I don't live in the States. I'm a Chinese guy living in Singapore (that's a tiny Asian country just above the equator in South East Asia). The culture here is generally not very friendly towards gays. I mean, we still have a law that allows the government to jail gay men. Even just last year, when there was this huge debate over whether we should repeal it, the majority of the population wanted it to stay in effect. Of course, we don't really use it (it's more of a 'close both eyes' policy).

    Furthermore, South East Asia in general isn’t a very friendly place for homosexuals. I mean, Singapore is surrounded by two countries: Malaysia and Indonesia. And they’re both predominantly Muslim (quite conservative too, from what I can see) = Bad news for gay people.

    In other words, it won't be easy for a gay person in my country.

    You know, me and my father had a talk last night. He views are still very strong on homosexuality and I suspect that they will always be. I mean, if he's willing to kick his own son out of the house, then I think that that's pretty much the ultimate sign.

    I know that this might seem offensive and insulting to some of you, but I think that the best policy for me to adopt now is to try to change my sexuality (or, as my father says it, “get rid of the homosexual side”). My dad said that I should do it by just not entertaining homosexual thoughts. He wants me to become more “homophobic”. Now that I do not agree with. I don’t want to end up fearing homosexuals/homosexuality. That’s stupid, in my opinion. But I get what he means. (Sorry, just needed to get that off my chest)

    Frankly speaking, judging by my current environment (which includes the whole country), I think I should at least try that out. I’ll probably grow up and go overseas to further my education (college). So... If by then I’m changed, then so be it. If I still have homosexual feelings by then despite my efforts, then I think that my life is pretty much set for me (as a struggle? Or as happiness? I still don't know). Sigh... A few more years to go...

    What do you guys think?

    ~~~~~~~

    I see myself at a crossroads
    Many paths lie ahead of me
    Which do I take?

    Behind,
    The shackles and chains of love lie dormant
    Cold,
    as the reasoning which flows through them

    I lift my bag onto my shoulders
    I glance backwards
    There is emptiness

    Go on I must
    Go forward
    For it is the only way

    And as I take a step forward
    The chains rear their rusty heads
    They wrap themselves around my waist
    Onto one path I am dragged

    My life,
    For now,
    Has been decided

    Oh, may I be free to make my own decisions one day

    I shall be free
    One day

    I shall decide
    One day

    My life shall be mine
    One day...
     
  2. Louise

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    I think only you can decide this one, you are the only one that has to live your life surrounded by the prejudices that you face.

    Know one thing though, you can pretend to be straight, you can go out with girls, get married have kids, whatever, but deep inside you there will always be a grain on unhappiness gnawing away at you which will push you to do silly things, make bad calls. This can be in the form of alcohol, drugs, cheating on your wife or repeated health problems. These are all signs that there is an imbalance between what your head tells you to do and what your body and heart NEEDS.

    Yes your head can rule over your conscious thoughts but I am sorry to tell you, if you are gay, you are and no amount of denial will change that, it will just give you a facade for the world (maybe some happiness on a certain level) but deep inside there will always be something missing;

    Sorry if I sound pessimistic but that is how I see the situation. I would say, try to live your life the best you can, try to be happy, take other people (especially your parents) into consideration when making choices, but don't live your life for them, this is your life and you only get one.
     
  3. James

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    You cannot change your sexuality (or "get rid of the homosexual side"), you can try to but I can guarantee you won't make any progress (been there done that). You can shove the thoughts out of your head only for a moment, but they'll come rushing back again. Trust me, I know..
     
  4. darkestknight

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    Hi, I'm your neighbour. :smilewave

    Yes, this situation is just exactly the same here too. Can't comment too much on it, since we actually know best about the situation here! :grin:

    Hmn... you can't change your sexuality, period. It's all a futile effort. Just do or work whatever you think it'll be OK for you. You don't want to supress your feelings, thoughts and even instincts. Just go..with the flow. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Lexington

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    Sexual Orientation:
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    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Instead of attempting to change your sexuality, why not put it on hold? After all, we can't control our thoughts, but we can control our actions. So why not just NOT date anybody until you leave the country? Fantasize all you want in the privacy of your home, where nobody will know or care. And then, once you leave the country and you can try being a bit more open with your sexuality, you can see how that goes.

    Lex
     
  6. darkestknight

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    ^ OOh i agree on that.

    No need to change the sexuality. No need to live a gay life first - just keep it to oneself until one is outside the "restricted area". :slight_smile:
     
  7. HighintheClouds

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    Hmmm....

    Interesting suggestion Lex...
    Well, in that case, I think I should just lie low and hide everything for a few years (painful as it may sound).
    Let's just see what happens after those few years...
     
  8. darkestknight

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    Ya, like Lex said, just keep low while the storm is there.

    If you can secure an education,studies or work outside, you can leave the country too. :slight_smile:

    PM me if you need to talk, dude - I know what it feels like staying in a place where LGBT issues occurs. :slight_smile: