So I've been thinking about talking to my school's counselor sometime in the next few weeks, because I want to possibly come out at school. maybe. There are a few reasons why I'm doing this. One, because I don't want to run for the girl's track team, I want to run on the boy's. Two, because in March, I'm going on a trip to Lansing and I don't want to be roomed with the girls. I don't want to be roomed with anyone at all, actually. (I have a friend in the grade ahead of me who is also trans and last year they gave him his own room?) Third, because I really, REALLY don't want to have to wear a dress to dances and formal events anymore. It causes me so much dysphoria and discomfort, I'd rather just not go at all. And fourth, I just can't bear lying to everyone anymore. I can't stand being called 'she' and 'girlfriend' and 'miss'. I've had enough. While my school is very small (300 students total), a lot of the people in the area are very conservative Christians. Most of the students boys in my school grade are NOT people that I'd want to be around if I came out. They still tease my friend, and it's been almost 3 years since he came out. Just a few weeks ago they were making jokes about him during class. I got so upset, I almost cried, and when class was over I practically ran out of the room. I wanted nothing more than to punch them all in the head. But now I'm a bit off topic ^^; I'm also not out to either of my parents or extended family yet. Only my sister, a few friends, and my boyfriend. Well, and the school counselor. (I could only tell her because my friend came down to the office with me. but he had to talk for me the entire time because I was too nervous to talk, or even move at all. I stood frozen in the exact same spot until we left.) If I told my mom, she'd probably be fine. She already lets me wear men's clothing. But my dad....it depends on what kind of day he's having.. I think he's fine with LGB people and all, he congratulated me for writing a bill on LGBT discrimination, but he laughs at crossdressers and the like. Although he's 1000% fine with my friend, so I really have no clue about his opinion. Anyways, I'm just scared things won't go well. But I can't wait till college. I still have another year to go through. I'm terrified of this.. I don't have a clue as to what to do or what to say..
The easiest bit of this to address is probably your dad laughing at cross-dressers, and I have my mum to thank(?) for this answer! So your average everyday knows-nothing-about-trans-people person knows a couple of things about cross dressers. 1. They are blokes in dresses 2. They are totally weird 3. They look bloody awful Please for the love of all that is decent in the world know that those are not my opinions and never have been. These came from my mum when I first started coming out to her. Her experience of cross dressing came mostly from TV and this one guy who she described as wearing "a ridiculous mini skirt...tights with hairy legs! He looked completely stupid, it shouldn't be allowed". If he's OK with your friend, it could well be because that's different to him. It doesn't look weird to see someone FAAB wearing men's clothes, at least not to the extent it does if you have your average MAAB person wearing a dress! There could be all sorts of things like that, but if he's OK with your friend it might just be because the association of weirdness isn't there! Alternatively, that theory could be COMPLETELY wrong since I don't know you're dad, but what can you do Anyway...as for school, your decision breaks down to which of these is worse: "Being picked on for being yourself" or "Pretending to be somebody else" I'll be honest, if I was still at school I wouldn't know which one to pick either. As for your parents, if you want to come out seriously at school, then obviously they have to know. Whatever you tell them, be prepared for the fact that it will shock the hell out of them. Even if they accept it completely, it will still stun them. My best friend took it and ran with it and has been amazing about it, better than anyone else, and it hit him like a train. Now imagine how it feels to a parent?
If you counselor already knows, go talk to him/her about it. If it's ok'd to have you be recognized as a male then you really just have to start telling other people. If you're going to be with these people only one more year, in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter what their opinion is. So...go for it.
((I'd also like to note that I'm very afraid of my dad. He has physically hurt me once before, when I actually stood up to him, and once with my sister too. When he gets /really/ angry he threatens to hit my sister and me, or kick us out of the house. When he's not angry, he's still not the most pleasant person to be around, but he's generally okay.))
Abuse of any kind against a minor is illegal and intolerable, let alone to one's offspring. Talk to your counselor.
See you say that, but here you are a year later freaking out to strangers on the internet about how you don't dare come out as yourself because you fear he will do it again. That's the thing about threatening behaviour from an authority figure, they only have to demonstrate their power once to render you powerless. From then they just have to remind you that they have the potential...
