For the past little while I have been thinking about of coming out to my sister. I think it would be a good idea if she would be the first one in the family to know. I have tried to think about what to say, but so far all the answers that I've come up with didn't do it. I feel that having pretended for such a long time to be someone I'm not, makes it a lot harder for me to be completely honest with her. I have tried to engage her in small talks about homosexuality through pointing things out that I've seen on the news or read in the papers to get a sense of her stance on the issue. But thus far, I haven't been all to successful in that. It seems to me that either I caught her in a bad time or she is avoiding the subject. Making things a bit more difficult is that most (if not all) of her friends are from very conservative families and cultural backgrounds. I'm fearing that her friends might have influenced her views on homosexuality. I don't think that she has ever suspected something either. So, given all of that, what would be a good way to approach it? Thanks!
Well assuming that your sister is roughly the same age as you give or take a few years, your sister must have wondered about the lack of girlfriends. If your sister is avoiding the issue then the best bet is probably to be very open and franck and tell your sister that you need to talk to her, that in the interests of honesty you want to confide in her, that you need to confide in her and that you hope what you have to say doesn't shock her. Start by telling her that you love her and need her love and support and it is for this reason that you have chosen to tell her first out of your family then just jump in with both feet and tell her that you are gay and then let her take it from there. Be ready to answer any of her questions without offence, even the offencive silly ones. Hopefully seeing your age she won't talk about 'phases' or 'how do you know'. Most questions are not meant to be offencive but they do show a 'straight' person's ignorance in the matter of homosexuality, so you might want to get her some resources and then just be patient with her. Even if she has homophobic friends most people will favour family of over friends, trust your sister. Good luck.
Get her alone. Take her out to dinner or lunch. And yes, pick up the check. I think it'd help to give it some sort of context, so you're not simply and solely saying "I'm gay". Are you dating someone? Are you looking to date someone? Then you can tell her, "I've been looking for a boyfriend" rather than "I'm gay". As always, let her know why you're telling her - "You're really important to me, and I didn't want it to seem like I was hiding it from you." Lex
Thanks Louise and Lex! I appreciate it. After thinking about it some more, I decided to wait a bit longer with coming out to her. I still feel very uneasy about it. I'll keep all your suggestions/advice in mind for when the day comes. Thanks!
You want to be able to discuss it with her after you tell her. Worst thing is to leave her hanging and having her draw her own speculations and assumptions. Therefore, a letter or such may not be ideal. I liked the suggestion of taking her out to dinner, make sure it's just you and her. Be the same person you always are and tell her you haven't changed. I suppose she could be in kind of shock or processing this new information - so even though you will be capable of discussing the issue with her if she wants to - make sure you give her some deserved time, space and respect during and afterwards. Hope all goes well. But the bottom line is, if you really think she should know, then the means shouldn't really affect what you achieve out of this. However, what's important is I think you need to still be yourself after coming out to her to show you're still the same person and try not to make a big deal out of it.
