Coming out at school. What do you think?

A physical attack will probably not happen, and you sound like you could talk your way out of most borderline situations, but since you are tall and toned, RUN LIKE HELL if you are outnumbered, go for an preemptive testicle kick if not and you can't avoid a confrontation; it always gets a bully's attention and lets them know you are not an easy target. Then quickly let the school officials know what is going on and why you had to defend yourself; first one to report an incident is usually considered to be the "victim", even if the other guy is the one walking bow-legged.

 

Good luck!

Background – I waited until university before I came out to my old school friends / new uni friends as gay. Only just came out to my parents a couple of months back (age 28!) I kinda regret not having the balls to come out earlier, so I really respect you!

Here’s my opinion, take it or leave it!;

"do you think it's a good idea?"

I think it's a very good idea - you've clearly thought it through and mentally prepared yourself. You’ve got some very decent friends to turn to for support and you’ve got a safe space at home if things get heavy. You'll almost certainly look back on yourself in a few years and be very proud of having the guts to do this. It's one of the hardest things a teenager could ever have to do!

But talk to your teachers so they know what's going on. No one at school wants to do this, but sometimes you just have to. Seriously - teachers have a really difficult job and it's just not practical for them to tackle every instance of bulling, so a lot of low-level teasing never gets challenged. Some teachers may be fearful to tackle gay-bashing for all sorts of reasons (not just homophobia) – eg, they may be wary of further humiliating the person being teased (he may or may not actually be gay, after all). Unless the schools are forced to confront it, they will too often ‘ignore’ all but the most serious bullying.

Send an email to your head teacher, head of year or form tutor, or copy all of them in. Just tell them you're going to be coming out as gay and you trust you have their support in tackling any bullying issues that may arise. Simple. You can add a bit about not expecting to be treated any differently, or whatever, or that you know there’s a lot of homophobic bullying that goes on and realistically you can expect some of the flak to be heading your way - but right now you have no way of gauging how serious it will get.

Then if anything does start to get serious, they’ll have to act straight away. And because you’ve already told them, they know they’ll need to be seen to act. Seriously, if they’ve received that email, then you get beaten up at a later date, then there will be serious repercussions for the school. The teachers will know that and they’ll do what’s necessary to prevent it happening. Some of your teachers will probably be gay, too, and while they may not say it, they’ll respect the hell out of you for having the confidence to be openly gay. Also, if the teachers know, many of them will quietly look out for you and make sure you’re ok - small things that the teachers do can make your life a lot easier – often just cutting you some slack here and there if things get difficult.

Or you could literally knock on the head teachers office on Monday morning and have a quiet word. You’re actually allowed to do that - in a situation like this. The head will almost certainly be supportive and understanding and will know exactly what to do to protect you if necessary.

Anyway, a little anecdote; My best friend at school was REALLY homophobic when we were 13-16. Literally, all the time he was threatening to beat up gay people. I’d prepared myself to cut him out of my life completely, but I figured I’d give him a chance. We were in the pub when I finally plucked up the courage to come out to him, age 20 -I just blurted it out after a couple of pints;

"By the way, I'm gay"
-"Wow, I didn't guess”
(apparently, I had a terrified look on my face)
-“What did you think my reaction would be?"
"I thought you'd probably punch me"
-"Don't be stupid, here I'll get the next round in."

And nothing changed. Absolutely nothing. I was best man at his wedding - and we've remained very close friends. The homophobia thing really was just a phase that a lot of straight boys seem to go though.

Anyway, good luck, and please keep EC updated!

 

My advice is high school "NO" and college "if you want to." In high school, you won't be finding the love of your life and, if you did, you would naturally gravitate to that person and they to you. In college, look around and see what the atmosphere holds. Pick one that is tolerant and progressive, if not even large enough to provide some anonymity and lack of a grapevine. There will always be a grapevine of some sort. In grad school, these two guys of shorter stature and high intellect in my program who were probably no more than good friends and both came from more distant areas were referred to as "the butt pirates" more than once. I didn't really care to hear that. Not when the university is a large research institution and it should be more "mature" than that. There will always be a-holes around. Always.

 

Hello. First, I want to congratulate you for having the courage to "come out." And I'm glad things have worked out good so far. Chances are you won't have any problems other than perhaps a few homophobic comments from bigots here and there. Also, definitely follow the advice of uniqueusername3.

Now on to the unpleasant matter of possible fighting.
As Yossarian pointed out, physical assault is pretty unlikely. Bullies are cowards and will usually stick to verbal abuse.
Unfortunately it's not always the case, and because only cowards fight in groups, often there's more than one person to deal with if it does come down to a physical confrontation.

First off though, have some confidence in yourself. Just because you're tall and thin doesn't mean you can't defend yourself. That's absurd. You've got the same chance as anyone else, unless ninjas suddenly surround you one day on your way back home, which is not particularly likely. :icon_wink

Hell, I box, and in my opinion the most difficult people to fight are people who have the same body type as you.

And boxing isn't even real fighting, there are rules. In a real fight, there are no rules, and if you keep that in mind, that actually gives YOU the advantage.

Don't fight on your opponents' terms. You wouldn't try to arm-wrestle an octopus would you? So don't try to fight the same as someone else, especially if that person is bigger, stronger, faster, or whatever. I recommend you read this: http://goo.gl/lgRKJQ It gives 10 "rules" that when followed will improve your chances of getting away unscathed. I'd like to emphasize the first two. If at all possible, AVOID THE SITUATION or RUN LIKE HELL.

I hope you're never put in that situation, and frankly it probably will not happen.

But it could, and it sometimes does. So keep those 10 things in mind.

 

I'm glad it went this way for you. Keep in mind that some of the answers provided may reflect generational differences and different life experiences.