Hi everyone, I'm new to this site (although I've visited it for a while now). Also I'm not a native english speaker, so please forgive mistakes. I just wanted to share a few thoughts with you, as I'm feeling quite lonely and sad, but I can understand, if you don't want to read another sad story full of self-pity. I'm gay and in my mid-twenties. An age when it even gets more difficult to come out to people (I've only come out to my mom and my sister, but it felt so akward and wrong, that I directly began crawling back into the dreaded closed). I just cannot imagine what the world would be like if I came out and if others just see me as the gay "boy". I live in a rather liberal country, but there was no out student in my schoolyear (?) (at least that I know of). I'm aware that the main problem might be some kind of internalized homophobia and that I'm afraid to be who I am, but it can be so hard to be yourself and to be fully open. As you probably know, it can be a tough feeling to recognize that even the people you thought were LGBT, are in fact just straight ... again. I'm soo tired of this heteronormative society and all the things straight people take for granted. It even gets to a point, where I almost cannot imagine, they have "real" problems of their own and I know that this perception I have of them is not fair or true. But sometimes self pity can be the hardest, but most fulfilling thing. I'm sorry, if I've bored you, but I just wanted to hear some encouraging words about how to come out and how to see the world in a different light. I know that I have to come out and I really want it to happen this year, but I'm just very scared. I want the future to be different and I think, this site is a good place to start. Thank you very much!
Well, first off let me ask you a question. Why do you feel like it was awkward and wrong to come out to your mother and sister? Did they accept you, or did they push you away?
Hi mate, welcome to EC. I think a lot of us can empathise what the feelings you've just described as we have been there before. To be very general at this point, things don't have to stay that way and you have found the right place for support Can you share a little bit more about your situation?
Thank you for your welcome and your answers My mom reacted great and sympathetic, but the first person I came out to was my sister. And although we are quite close, her first reaction irritated me: she asked me, if I was sure or in fact, if I wasn't bisexual. Although she is around my age, at times she seems quite conservative and not too much accepting of different forms of sexuality. Well, in fact, it is not talked about much in our home. But I also think, she is rather insecure herself and tries to hide anxieties and fear behind this conservative worldview. But I don't know, if her reaction pushed me back into the closet (neither did it help me to accept myself), but it got to do something with being labeled. I couldn't bear the thought of being gay - whatever that meant for me at that time (it was years ago). I know, this sounds horrible. Now I think that I don't need to label myself, if it doesn't feel right. But still there is a process of coming out to my friends and (part of) my family ahead of me and I need to accept the label of "being gay". And yes, I am aware, that the problem lies within my perception of the world and of myself and it has nothing to to with being gay itself or the LGBT community. I don't know if that describes my situation any better, but this was my first "coming out" and the feeling of shame associated with it. Has anyone experienced a similar situation or feeling after coming out?
hello! i had a whole year feeling uncomfortable for being in the closet and at the same time not knowing what to do with the fact that i was a lesbian. i think the way your family reacted to that had a bad effect on your coming out. after i came out to my best friend she was kinda happy and said she would help me but in the end she never did (fact is that among all the ones i've come out to, she's still the least supportive - and not my best friend anymore). so for many months i was feeling bad for being gay and uncomfortable with who i was and was trying to become. joining EC helped me a lot with feeling comfortable with myself and being able to tell myself: i'm gay and i'm not afraid of it. thats when i decided to tell one friend and then some others more. i think u can try to read blogs, watch videos and try to get to know more the gay culture. at EC u may be able to find a lot of support what about friends. do u have any in mind that could help u? u can tell them it's a hard thing to say but u'd like their help. if they are really your friend, they will try to help u even being straight. i hope this advice was somewhat useful for u.
