Why don't my parents just ask me if I am gay?

They won't ask you because none of those things make you sound gay...

But also, when most people ask their children if they are gay they get offended and say 'FUCK no' even if they are! If you want them to know and you want to talk about it with them, YOU need to tell them.

The only way they could 'know' is if they'd SEEN you be attracted to another male, or more likely a whole bunch of them.

 

Maybe they don't ask you out of respect, and don't want to make you feel like they are interrogating you? Just like you wonder why they have not asked you, they might be wondering why you have not told them. It's possible they just want to give you space, or perhaps they don't ask you just because they have no idea.

It seems like if you want them to ask, is because you want them to know, so if you feel confident and secure enough, maybe you should initiate the conversation.

 

I can totally relate to this. For years I wished my parents would just ask me out right but I figured it would be as awkward for them to ask me as it was for me to tell them. Much like you, I kept telling my parents that I was depressed, and they kept asking me why. But I never had the guts to just come out to them there and then. So many missed opportunities but it's probably one of the hardest things you'll ever have to do.

After I did eventually come out to them (via a letter) they told me that they had often wondered, but didn't want to offend me in case it wasn't true, which is pretty respectable I guess. To be fair, I wouldn't dream of asking anyone if they were gay, especially if they weren't noticeably camp.

Overall, if you want them to know. The best thing to do would be to tell them. That way, it's out there and you can talk to them about it. Believe me, talking helps a lot.

 

I am in this situation right now.

 

It's not something that a lot of parents want to bring up. Whether they're okay with it or not, they probably figure the conversation will end up being really awkward. Plus, the examples you gave don't seem like dead giveaways that you are gay.

I think the best thing you can do is tell them, just so you don't have to hide it anymore.

 

From my point of view, I think that you being already 26 years old, you have somewhat of an advantage. You are a grown up man, and mature enough for your parents to understand you will be fine.

I am 37 and have not talked to my family yet. They probably already know, or at least suspect it, but have never asked me. I have decided that I would tell them only if I enter in a serious, formal relatioship with a guy. The way I see it is: why talk about it if I have nothing to show for it? Now, this is only for my specific situation, and don't mean to imply that it should be the same for everyone.

Anyway, if all other aspects of your life are going well, then perhaps you could leave the conversation with your parents for a later time when it feels right.

 

Because they aren't mind readers.

Then tell them. If you can't say it out loud, write a letter or send a text message.

Asking them to guess what's wrong until they get it right is silly. They can't read your mind. You actually have to vocalize your feelings and thoughts. People actually find this rather frustrating, and are more likely not to ask questions as a result.

 

What Aldrick said. My former partners parents weren't mindreaders either. They did ask her, but only because she took me with her when she visited her parents and told them we were going to continue to live together now that we'd both graduated. (They already knew I was her roommate in college) Although we tried to avoid any public displays of affection, her mother sensed that we acted like a couple anyway. We were afraid of coming out to them for fear of how they'd react, and they were afraid at first of asking because they didn't want to offend us if we weren't. Surprisingly, once everything was out in the open, they treated me like a daughter in law, even though we couldn't legally marry.

I wouldn't suggest you go that route though, because not knowing your parents or your age or whether you still live at home, they might not have a positive reaction, and it's not good for your future boyfriend to have to be accused of turning you gay, or other crap. If I had it to do over, I'd have sent my parents a letter, but hindsight is 20/20.

 

Is it causing you any kind of distress or anxiety not being able to share this with your parents?

 

Maybe they are waiting for you to tell them instead of coming up to you and saying are you gay? Just out of respect for you

 

This is so true!!! Happened to me when i was younger! maybe you just have to act more fabulouuuusss :lol: jokes dont take my advice it most likely wouldn't suit your situation

 

Hi,

As I'm not completely out of the closet, I'm not going to pretend I know much. However, after having spoken to my parents, a friend, and my sister-in-law about why they never asked me, their response was basically 'out of respect'. My mom figured I would talk to them about it when I was ready. I'm not sure when that would have been (I'm 34). So my father basically forced it out of me last April. They were very cool about it. I think what made them ask me is that they can tell I'm not exactly happy. However, they thought I was carrying on a relationship with someone in a different province and they wanted to let me know I should bring him around to the house just like my brothers' significant others (I wasn't seeing anybody, by the way). The point is, it's an awkward conversation to have. I have a friend I've known for 10 years...pretty sure he's gay. Even though I know I am, I just don't think I can bring myself to ask him. Too awkward! So, you see...people probably know. They just don't want to embarrass you or rush you. Anyway, good luck...I know how hard it can be to tell people.

P.S. As for your father, my dad has made a number of comments about 'queers' when I was a kid. I noticed these comments petered off once I was in my 20s. I think people's attitudes change over time. I know his did. So, even if your dad has seemed not overly supportive, you might be surprised.

 

They probably won't ask you as they might want to let you come out on your own terms.

My mother asked me if I was gay, and I was incredibly upset as I wanted to wait until I was ready.

 

Why don't you just go tell them their probably waiting for you to say something