Hi all, I have reached to the point where I feel that I want to come out. I’ve decided, that I start with one of my friends and therefore I would like to ask some advice of what to do. Here’s the issue - I have chosen 2 persons (a guy and a girl) who I would like to come out first and I can’t decide, which one of them I’m going to tell. I’m afraid that if I tell my best friend (the guy) , I would freak him out, or even worse, make him think that I’m somewhat romantically interested in him (I’m not) and to lose him as friend. On the other hand, I know that if I come out to the other (girl), then most likely in a short period of time, there will be more people to know because I know that she is a talkative person and may spit the fact out to someone else. Any advice/suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
I would choose your best friend who in this case happens to be the guy. Simply make it clear to him that you're not interested him. Let him know that you only told him because you feel he deserved to know first as your friend since you plan on coming out in the future. At least, that is what I'd do because I feel that your closest friends can be more helpful in the long-run (in my experience, it was rough in the short-term but overall I'm happy with how it's turned out).
Well, if the girl is going to start telling everyone, you are better off not telling her. This should happen at your own pace, and not at hers. So that leaves your male friend. If you decide to talk to him first, don't make this a mysterious reveal, because it could freak him out (as you said, he might think you are trying to hit on him). Wait for the right opportunity. Let's say that for whatever reason during a conversation you end up talking about something related to gays, for instance gay marriage, or some tv show featuring a gay guy. That would be a casual time to say something like "well, I'm gay and I think he is hot!" Or say something funny about a pretty girl, like "yeah, she is hot, but I wonder if she has a brother." Kind of like using an ice breaker that will allow him to ask you questions. Good luck!
I think that the fact that you have already decided that you want to come out is a very positive step on itself. It seems that both of them are good friends, If I were you I would tell my male friend first but make sure that he knows that you are not into him and that you respect your friendship above anything else (I would even joke and tell him that he is really ugly on a funny way ) Though if the girl is a very good friend you may want to tell her, just make sure that you let her know that you are trusting her with something really important and that you need to do it at your own pace. Good luck, You are a brave guy!
LOL I did this to one of my friends from work on New Years eve. We were at the bar and he was basically asking if I found a lady friend for the night (okay it was a line of questions and he was using much different language). Anyway I just looked at him and bluntly said "You know I'm gay right?". He bout fell off his bar stool but was cool with it.
Thanks for the support and advice. I'll propably go with best friend then and hope that I don't screw it up
Hi Oliver987, welcome to EC! Yeah, going with your friend is the better option. I've heard of cases where such friends have at times been somewhat offended that the one coming out isn't attracted to them! Just play it by ear, the right time will present itself. Best to start, in the very first sentence, to tell him you are gay. With that initial shock over you will have avoided a long preamble that would have got him thinking you have cancer or something. After that is out of the way, you can talk about how your friendship is really important to you (which is why you hesitated) and that you have no desire to be that way with him (although if he is attractive, don't lie).
Who do you think would be more accepting and will respond better? If I was in your situation, I would probably choose the one who I think will be more unedrstanding and accepting. It's important the first person you come out to to be accepting. Now, I haven't come out to any guys yet (I just don't have any male friends. Well, except for my gay friend), but from what I hear/read/see girls are generally more understanding and accepting. But you can never be sure how one would react when you tell them something like this. Hopefully she's not homophobic. If you choose your female friend, make sure you tell her you don't want her to talk to anybody about this, that if you wanted other people to know, you would tell them yourself. As for your best friend - if he really is your best friend and you trust each other, there should be no problem. Just bear in mind that when you come out to straight guys, they usually think you might be interested in them, so you better make it clear that that's not the case. Anyway, I wish you good luck and hope everything goes well.
