Can't come out or express feelings

" I know being in love with a gay best friend doesn’t really seem like a problem"

Sounds like a problem to me!

Put it this way, you could stay in the closet forever if you wanted, but why would you do that to yourself? It doesn't stop things from getting worse, it just takes away the chance for things to get better!

Admitting your feelings for your friend? Eh, that's a different story.

Think of it this way. You are currently 'in love' with your friend. While you're in the closet, you always will be, because it's safe. You can't risk showing affection to other males because someone might notice and then WHAM! you're out by accident. So while you're in the closet you don't even have an opportunity to move on, OR to see if there could be something between the two of you!

As for feeling ashamed because you're older? Why is that something to be ashamed of? Being in the closet isn't something to be ashamed of, it's a crap feeling and we've all been there. Coming out IS something to be proud of and I don't give a monkeys what anyone says about how it shouldn't be. At the moment, it is. There are lots of feelings involved and for people like you and me who aren't good at expressing emotions to others it can be a nightmare. Don't feel ashamed that it took you until now, feel proud when you've done it!

As for how...there are so many ways, but if they are both gay anyway you could probably just say it as casually as you'd ask them what that dog over there is doing!

 

I can imagine how your feeling. When you said you feel like your dying inside when your best friend goes on dates with other guys.
As I recently got rejected from a gay guy I really liked and found out he hooks up with men all the time. It really hurts when I think he's out there having his fun life without me .

I think you should tell him. I am sure he will be understanding. I told my friend I liked him and we are still friends. He was very understanding and turned me down gently but still wants to be friends. Atleast now I can move on and not think about him that way.

good luck with whatever you decide

 

Well... on the upside... your friend is unlikely to out you to anyone else.

So, do you want him because you can't have him or because you love him? Don't answer. The reply is for you to think about.

Bit of cynical advice. Don't be with the one you love. Be with the one who loves you. In order for that to work, both people involved need to be with someone who loves them. So, it usually works out.

I doubt he's going to freak out. The worst that will happen is that he'll friendzone you. Don't want to be in the friendzone, do you? Or is it that if you admit this to your friend, you'll actually have to consider that maybe you are... you.

Seeing as your lack of aggression in finding someone, I suspect you want someone to find you. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Also, not going to happen. He is NOT going to magically say, "Hey, lets get married! I've always loved you."

I think he's an aggressive sort, yes? Well, I suggest you be blunt. Just once. After that, be yourself, but for the first conversation, be as blunt as you can be. Just get him alone. Don't ask him anything.

Sit him down and say, "Hi. This is the part where I spill my heart out and you crush it. I'm good with that. I need to know something and if I don't know, I'm going to go crazy. I want you... to want me. I want to know if you are attracted to me, and if so, please oh please come after me. I'm sort of screwed up right now. It might be a bit of work. But I'm not the type to chase and I've been pining you for so long now. I have no one to blame for your ignorance but myself. So..."

That would be the part where you watch his stunned expression. Running is also acceptable at this point. It'll resolve itself after that.

Or maybe I'm way off here. Advice from the internet usually is horrible.

 

My suggestion is simple. Come out to him. Totally appropriate because your best friend is a very good place to start, and since you know he is gay already, not much to be concerned about in terms of risk.

Once he knows you are both on the same team, he will then be free to either A) reveal to you that he has always been into you but was not going to say anything since you were "straight", or at the very least, B) start thinking about how he feels about you, and put you on the "new possibilities" list. If he makes any positive statement to you about having feelings about you, then you are on the "A" line, so you can continue and reveal that not only are you gay, but that you have been into him for a long time; if not, then you are on the "B" line and need to give him some time to absorb the new information and think about it for a while. Hugs are not out of order to give the process a nudge in the right direction; YOU need to loosen up too and express your feelings openly to him; you must be emotionally wound up tighter than an 8-day alarm clock, holding both secrets inside for so long.

Oh, and this thread should be titled "Won't come out and express feelings", not "Can't"; there is no reason for you not to do this in the circumstances as you describe them.