Okay, I've been having problems, like, a lot lately. And I think that I may need to go back to a therapist to sort them all out. All of my problems started when I told my friend "H" I liked her as more than a friend. She freaked out and it broke my heart for more than one reason. The friendship, was probably one of the best ones I'd ever had. Also, she started being all cold and distant to me. Whereas before, she had no problem talking to me and wanting to be around me. This happened in January. So, after my heart healed a bit (think putting a band-aid on a cut jugular vein), I decided that I didn't like her anymore and I just wanted to be friends, and that's what I should be focused on. I talked to her a few times about it, she's not one of those people who handle talking about emotions very well, so it was an awkward conversation. It ended mostly in me being more confused and her being, well, more distant. Until the last conversation about it. The last conversation about it took place in April. We had gotten in trouble for something and the principal had called us to his office. After that little meeting, I bit the bullet and talked to her about it. She said she wasn't sure, if we could be friends like we used to be, again. She had told the principal we were friends and often stuck up for me when people teased me by saying "Hey, don't talk to my friend that way." Pretty soon, after getting my seat moved in science because I didn't want to hear girls talk about their underwear, we were sitting next to each other. She started talking to me, asking me for help with the science stuff, and once even asking for help with Spanish. (NOTE: je parle francais. I couldn't help her to save my life. But if je parle espanol, I would have helped her). But it wasn't all fun and games. There were times when she was really distant and weird to me. Not like, mean or anything, just like we weren't on the same page. Then her birthday came. I knew about it before hand, and she was really upset the day before (no idea why) and said she wanted a Kit-Kat......so I bought her a king sized Kit-Kat bar. She was insanely happy about that...even at 7:30 in the morning. After her birthday, she began kind of being my friend again. Just randomly talking to me in the hall and stuff. Then (I do actually speak a little Spanish, but mostly slang and insults. Nothing real formal.), after revealing to my friend I knew how to say 'lick my balls' in Spanish. She asked me how to say it, and I told her. Now, to the point of this story. Sometimes, I'll be okay, we're out of school for the summer so I haven't seen her in person for like, a month now. But, I decided to get a myspace, to stay in contact with her. I sent her a friend request and she accepeted. I sent her a message...real simple that said "hey, what's up?", but hasn't responded. I sent that message on Saturday and now it's Thursday. Just sometimes, I break down crying. I did it yesterday. I was sitting at my computer and this wave of emotion hit me and I just broke down crying. I sat at the computer, bawling my eyes out for like five minutes. I mean, my heart is still broken over what happened in January. Other times, I get insanely mad at her, and I don't even know why. Probably because it's not that hard to pick up a phone and call me or to message me on Myspace. So, I'm asking for advice and your opinion on whether or not I should go to a therapist, because I'm not sure anymore. Thanks for reading. Thanks even more for any advice you may give.
Okay, trumpetplayer first take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. I'm a third person viewing this whole situation from a removed, distant point of view. All my opinions are just OPINIONS so try to use your own discretion. But I'm trying to help. First of all, I'm not quite sure if that band-aid/vein was a metaphor or if it was implying self-harm. If it's the latter, I think you need to talk about it with someone you trust. Again, internet is quite removed and it's better if someone who knows in real life can understand you and help you. If it's just a metaphor, then let's hope it stays as one. =) I actually read your whole post, but it's late for me - and offering my two cents of advice is rather hard when my eyes are staging a rebellion. So, basically to summarise in short: - She was a very good friend - After you told her she became distant - You want to fix the relationship Ok, and I'm assuming based on those three premises you want to get a therapist. Personally, I'd say you don't need one. Because I'm going to be brutally honest and hoping not to burst any bubbles... but sometimes we need to learn how to fix issues on our own. I can tell you've had a close friendship with her, but I'm sure we've all suffered broken hopes and shattered dreams. And that's just life and EVERYONE learns how to get back on our feet. And why specifically not a therapist? Because first of all, it seems like you need to figure out how to sort things out independently. I'm not saying you can't ask for advice, but I'm telling you that you have to be independent in judging and being conscious of your emotions and in control of them in order to make your own choices and decisions. Therapists cost a lot, and for matters like these - they could exaggerate the issue - and worst of all they spoonfeed you solutions and rob you the privilege of independent thought. It'll just be a spiralling doom of indulgence if you do not learn how to solve issues like these and become a stronger person. If it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger. (That's not literal by the way) Hope that helped, and remember, you're amazing.
A therapist may be a good idea, but one thing's for sure - you have GOT to break this girl's hold on you. Seriously. You said "What's up?" on myspace. And she didn't respond. Such a message doesn't exactly demand a response. (Lord knows my myspace 'friends' and I will post such things, and not expect a response.) This girl has taken some baby steps into letting you back into her world, which was nice. She was chatting with you a bit again. She accepted your myspace friendship request. She even stuck up for you, saying "Don't talk to my friend that way." But just because she used the F-word doesn't mean she's now obligated to you in any way. She doesn't have to "be a good friend" and call you. The fact that you're getting worked up over the non-communication via myspace means one of two things - your signature line is less hyperbole than it would appear, or you've got some expectations for this girl that she's not going to be able to fulfill. I think you need to work on cutting ties with this girl. Not because she's a horrible person or anything, but because you have major trouble keeping her in the right spot in your life. Lex
Yeah, it was a metaphor....self-harm isn't really something I plan on doing anytime soon, should have made it clear, I apologize. I've been to a therapist before (court-ordered, long story....) and he's a really good therapist. The reason I think I might need a therapist is because I'm suffering really strong emotional mood swings whenever I think about or see her on myspace. I mean, one moment I'm happy the next, I'm crying my eyes out, and the next I'm really pissed off. I've tried to deal with this, and I've dealt with many heartbreaks before her, but this one seems to be the worst. For awhile, I'll be okay, then I'll slip back into the pattern of violent mood swings. And Lex, I've tried to cut her out of my life, tried to tell myself that I didn't need her and that I'd be better off without her. That's why I didn't really talk to her in January and Feburary and even in March. I was trying to cut the ties, trying to heal myself, and trying to find other friends.
>>>And Lex, I've tried to cut her out of my life. Try again. This time without the myspace friend requests and messages. Lex
If you want my two cents you are having a heart versus head battle. You feel an attraction to this girl, nothing you do or say will change this, we don't necessarily chose who we fall in love with (otherwise there wouldn't be so many couples spliting up) but since this girl isn't gay she doesn't feel the same way so your conciouse mind has told you to stop loving her. Your head is ruling... you feel fine (on the surface) You let down your guard because you are tired, busy, poorly whatever and your heart takes over you end up in tears because you love this girl. Then you are angry at yourself for not controlling the situation. It makes perfect sense to me. I would definately advise you to see your therapist, he will help you to get some perspective on the situation. If you try to deal with this all by yourself you are going to stay on this emotional rollercoaster far longer than is good for you. Uncertain does have some valid points but you have to know when to reach out for help, no one can manage everything on their own. From what you say, it is time for you to reach out. You have tried since January to deal with this and this is where you are today. Lex is right as well, you are blowing the non responce to you 'what's up' out of proportion but I can completely understand why... because you NEEDED that reply. A therapist will help you see why you are feeling how you feel and help you through this.
Thought I'd give you guys a little update. Turns out that myspace has this problem thing that when you log off it shows you as online for 10 minutes. Also, they have this thing where you can check the status of the messages you send and it shows the message I sent her as unread and she hasn't logged back in yet. Also, I haven't thought about this girl in a while and when I do log onto myspace to talk with other friends, I don't think about her as much. I haven't cried or gotten really mad about it for the past few days. I think I'll be okay. Thanks for the help guys.
