Need advice on building support on the coming out process

The other day I was in therapy, and my therapist thinks I am ready to start the coming out process. She said I needed to start to build a network of support before I come out. She gave me information about support groups at Indiana University which is the local college around here. The problem is that I am 29 years old, and I don't know how much help this will be.

 

Yes, I know it's time for me to start coming out. I have now accepted that fact that I am gay. The problem is I will lose my job and part of my family, but I know this is the price I must pay to finally be happy though.

 

Yes losing my job will happen. My boss which is the owner of the company is extremely religious. He has told me several times that he thinks gay people should be shot in the head, and that he will never have one work for him.

 

Yeah, that does seem a little bit off doesn't it.

 

True, I am in the process of looking for a new job too.

 

That can't be legal surely?!

 

I have already came out to my ex-girlfriend and my sister, both are very supportive. I think my mother will be fine, but my father is extremely homophobic. Maybe I should just take it slow and tell one person at a time.

 

It is legal in Indiana to fire people for being gay.

 

Whoa! Hold the phone!

Hello andrew812! It's great that you have come to terms with yourself, that is a great place to start. About this coming out thing... are you doing it because the therapist told you it was time and that you were ready?

You should come out to people because YOU want to, and because YOU feel ready. Not because someone else thinks it is time. ElliaOtaku is absolutely right about this.

If you have waited a long time to do this, you can certainly wait just a bit longer. It makes more sense if you are able to secure a new job first, because your livelihood comes first. Once you have been able to position yourself in a new workplace, you will have one less thing to worry about upon taking the big step you are planning to take.

Now, about coming out. What I am inferring from one of your replies to ElliaOtaku is that today you are sad, tomorrow you will come out to the world, and the day after you will be happy. Perhaps it was a choice of words, or there is a piece of information missing, but I'm not sure I would associate "coming out" to "happiness." If you read other posts, you will usually see a connection to "taking a load off your shoulders" or "feeling relief" or "getting it out of your system." So let me ask you: What is your expectation once you come out? What do you want to happen as a result of that?

 

Aquaman thanks for the reply. What I really want most is not to hide anymore. It is really exhausting keeping my sexuality hidden. I am not expecting life to be all sunshine and rainbows after this, but I am sick and tired of always worrying if my cover has been blown.

 

Okay, that makes sense, and it is a valid reason for wanting to take that step. It just seemed in your original post that you were doing it only because this person was instructing you to, which I found extremely irresponsible.

Do make sure you take care of your employment situation before anything, though.

You may want to consider doing this in a staggered fashion. Instead of broadcasting it to everyone left and right, you may want to start slowly. You mentioned your sister already knows; that's good, so maybe if you feel comfortable with your mom knowing and any other siblings you may have. The whole world doesn't have to know. How about your start with people who know your middle name and your mom's maiden name? (LOL) Seriously, no need to go overboard.

Couldn't help notice you live in Indiana. One in a million chance that you ever met a violinist by the name David?

 

That's good advice Aquaman, too bad everybody knows me by my middle name. lol But, yeah I think plastering it on social media would be a disaster. I want to be the one to tell my parents, and really I probably wont tell anybody but close family and close friends. I am sure the news will spread like wildfire, so no need broadcasting it anyways. Nope, I am sorry that I don't know David. lol

 

It looks like the tough cookie here is your dad, so he most likely will be one of the last people in your inner circle to know about you. By then you will have already gained the support of mom, sis, and friends. Keep in mind that it could also be hard for your dad, so he might also need a support network of his own; that's maybe one other thing you need to ensure is in place before having that conversation with him.