My girlfriend just ended dating me because she cannot come out and make her parents unhappy...she doesn't want to continue being with me in that way because she feels guilty because she knows her parents will disapprove. Could she ever change her mind? Should I feel angry? Why would someone put their happiness aside in order to please their parents?
Once you're reaching adulthood you can't please your parents all the time. You have to think about what will make you happy. Your girlfriend may change her mind. It may take losing you to do it. I hope it doesn't come to that. Maybe you should feel sorry for her more than angry. I wasted a lot time pleasing my parents.
How old is she? I mean, I'm 17 and I'm unable to be in a relationship because of that reason but I have nowhere to go if I get kicked out... If she's able to support herself and move out, it's a bit frustrating that she's living like that. At some point you've got to live your own life happily, it's your life, not your parents'. However, I do feel the same way, I'm worried about how my parents will feel too. I would be a bit angry but at the same time, put yourself in her shoes. Some people are really close to their parents and they don't want to break that bond.
Mr Bialystok is right, she might change her mind, but even if she does it might take some time. A LOT of time. You could try and talk to her about it, but I wouldn't expect a positive response from her, after all no matter what you say it's going to sound like you're saying "it's me or them" (even though she has already made that choice). Should you feel angry? Why not, it won't help you much but you can be angry. But don't take it out on her. Be angry, curse the skies and the seas and that cat that just tore up your bin bags again, but don't be angry with her. It's a scary thing having to risk ones parents. It sucks, REALLY sucks that she's decided to go this way, because you know that she will either closet herself forever and be miserable or eventually change her mind. YOU know that, but you are on the outside, and it's easy to see from there.
I did discuss with her that she couldn't live her life to please her mom and dad. She said she was willing to be single the rest of her life as long as her parents are happy knowing she isn't with another female. She just can't break their hearts by coming out she said. She said she will be happy knowing her parents are happy..
Then you have to ask yourself, are you prepared to wait for her to change her mind, dooming yourself to not having another relationship, knowing that she will stick to that for a VERY long time.
She's 20 and has her own career and job but still lives at home. I completely understand her position. I'm not angry but love her so much it hurts knowing that she's still in love with me but just can't displease the parents. I know it's a cultural thing as well because her family is so traditional and close knit. I just wonder how and what makes one finally decide if ever to come out?
She might not. She might end up forcing herself to marry a guy to please her parents. It happens all the time. Alternatively, if something manages to convince her that it is worth 'breaking her parents hearts' she may come out. One thing I'm fairly sure of though, is that I wouldn't want to be the person that pushed it!
I know. I'm certainly not pressuring her at all and completely understand. I pity her and the fact that she's pretty much imprisoning herself and her happiness. It's just sad that some parents make their children feel like they can't be themselves. Despite how difficult it is I said that I would be there for her as a friend for whatever she needs...it just sucks that we are doing nothing wrong but fell in love.. ---------- Post added 6th Jan 2014 at 07:25 PM ---------- She said she wanted to remain "best friends" because she's still in love with me and at least by saying we are "besties" she can still see me and hang out platonically and not feel guilty or feel it being wrong or immoral...
When I was still in denial I had a girlfriend. We talked about marriage but there was a major obstacle. We both had jobs and were in college. The thing is she refused to even discuss leaving her parents house to get our own place. Visiting her parents on Friday to play cards was one thing. I was not about to live with them 24/7. In retrospect I dated her to have someone to go do things with.
She said she's not confused about being with me just about what to do because she knows it will break her parents hearts and the whole God and religion issue...
I told her I would wait....I know it's silly but I really don't want to find anyone else...she said to not wait and that I deserve to be fully happy...
You know what's odd...we took a picture recently together but I could only have the copy because she didn't want to have it in her possession because we had our arms around each other in the picture. Well I asked if she wanted a copy and she said "yes I'll put it up in my room" and I said what if your family sees and she said I don't care what they think! So I'm a bit confused as to why she would want to stop "dating" because she was afraid of having to come out to her family but yet she's willing to put a picture of us up in her room!
