First off I posted this exact thing before but got no replies so I decided to try again as I really need the advice!!! Thanks and please understand that I'm not trying to be pushy or attention seeking or anything like that.:icon_bigg Hey guys and gals!!! I have a problem Problem-Coming out! I've known about my sexuality for quite some time and it has always made me feel self-conscious or odd. I really want to tell someone for the New Year because I know that this will help me to feel better but the question is who??? I am a naturally anti-social kind of person who takes things really hard! I usually bottle up my emotions and put on a veil of "I'm fine" I usually cut myself and I have tried OD on sleeping pills just a few weeks ago but sadly it had the opposite effect and I was awake for like three days straight But I'm glad it didn't work because I've finally accepted myself for ME!!! Because of my nature I only have one friend and we are really close! We tell each other everything and I would trust him with my life. I would really like to tell him first. The only problem is he is openly Homophobic!! He tries to convert everyone he thinks is gay to straightness whether they approve or not! My family is another story. They are all really hard-headed Christians and so they are totally against gayness. I think if I told them they'd disown me My mother has noticed sometimes that I act a bit weird concerning such things and has talked to me a multitude of times about being gay and how wrong it is! She doesn't think I'm gay but she worries that other people suspect. The rest of my family (extended) are all the same way. So I don't think I'll ever tell them. Also there's the fact that gayness/bisexuality (I'm still not completely sure which category I fall into) is not a widely accepted thing where I'm from (Trinidad)!! Of course people won't like kill me or anything but I'll be looked down upon by the multitudes!! It's also really hard for me to cope because I attend a same sex school (Boys) so there's temptation all around me everyday Because of my quiet, closed-up nature, I have been and am currently teased about being gay! If the teacher ever even mentions the word "Gay" I can hear my name being hollered out and mad snickering and laughing. The teacher looks at it as a joke but it only makes me want to go deeper into the closet! I need to tell someone though because I can't hold it in much longer! If I do I think I'll explode! Most of my evening are spent in tears (I reserve all crying for during baths ) over who I truly am inside and over all the pent up stress of holding it in (this along with other problems that has nothing to do with my sexuality but rather family issues) If there's anyone who has any advice for me I'd love to hear/read it! (Also thanks for taking the time to read my un-published book)
I have one question for you. You've just told a whole bunch of strangers on the internet that you are bi/or gay, you can talk about it openly here. What do you imagine will be the difference if you tell someone you know in real life? (I'm not saying don't do it, or trying to be difficult, I just want you to think ) Obviously you've discovered the problem that your choice is either live a lie until such point as one of your attempts at your life works, or come out and risk being 'looked down upon'. So which sounds worse to you, being out and looked down upon is preferable to being closeted and possibly dead..
Does your school by any chance have a foreign-exchange program? Maybe time away from home would be good for you in your quest for acceptance.
Do you have any trusted counselors at school? Or close teacher-friends? I came out to adults first that I knew could handle it. They're incredibly supportive. I don't want to tell you not to come out to people your age, but things are often blown-up when you tell people your age lol.
Yeah, I agree with the above. You should talk to some trusted adult about this. It seems like you can't turn to any peers or friends or family, but talking to an adult (that isn't a homohater) will probably be your best option. Sorry taht you're in that situation. But hell, if people are already giving you a hard time for being gay, you may as well come out I guess, if they're giving you trouble already?.....(take that last advice as a grain of salt)
