I'm putting my coming-out letter up here, so you guys can give me feedback? (and before you ask about grammar, its the way ive always talked and my mom knows how to understand me. she also knows i have anxiety/depression issues. and she needs things explained to her most of the time.) Dear Mom You are such a kind and loving parent. I know you care for me and Ruby so well. I trust you. That is why I'm writing this letter. Ive been struggling with a thing for about two and a half years now, and I'm ready to talk to someone about it. But I really need you to keep in on the downlow. Dad is religious, and he would be mad. I don't want Ruby or any other Family Members knowing about this yet. This is really hard to say without it sounding lame, so I'm just going to say it. I'm a thing called Gender Fluid. It kinda sounds like what it means. Sometime I feel like a girl (she/hers) sometimes a boy (he/his) and sometimes nonbinary (they/them- no real gender). Before I go any farther, I just want to clarify, I'm not transsexual, or transgendered. I dont want to change my genitals. I dont need surgery, I dont need to go on hormones, I'm okay with being a biological female most of the time.** My sex is female, and my gender is fluid. (They are, contrary to popular belief, two different things.) **Notice how I said most of the time? This is the little part where you can actually help me, and the main reason I'm writing this letter. My gender changes on a day to day basis. Since I am indeed biologically female, when I feel like a boy inside my head, I end up getting sad/upset/frustrated, because my physical appearance doesnt match what I am on the inside. A lot of the time, I feel nonbinary/non gendered, and this usually changes how I feel about myself a lot. I'm tired of hurting myself out of frustration/upset because I dont have inner peace between my inner and outer selves. I'm asking for your help and understanding. I've felt this way honestly ever since I was a little kid. I found out about the term/name of it about two and a half years ago, and since then ive been studying up the terms& such just so i can absolutely make sure this is what I really am. I'm positive it's not just a phase. It's been my inner lifestyle for so long, and I'm ready to make a change about it. What I feel like is the biggest and most needed change I want to make, is buying a chest binder. This seems like a little thing, but it would make a world of difference to me. Ive already done research into brands/sizes and such, and I kind of hope we can work something out for my birthday maybe? :3c This is a really hard letter to write and I'm happy to answer any questions you have, as long as you can kind of word them gently (or i might have a panic attack and cry or something this is very nerve wracking) I know this might be hard to hear. I'm still the same person. I still love sea life, I love you, dad, and Ruby, I still want to be a mermaid, I still want pink hair and bubblegum coloured skirts, but I want to have all the options available to me. I'm just ready to express myself, and to feel more comfortable in my body. You don't even have to do much. Just try to understand how I feel, and maybe help me a little if I need it. You dont need to change a thing. You can still use female pronouns (she/hers). You dont need to talk to me differently. I just need you to be accepting of me. I'm horrified and really scared to say all this. Youre the most accepting person I know. Ive read all these horror stories of nonbinary kids being disowned, harassed, and even killed after they told someone about this. I have full confidence that you will be able to accept me eventually, and I hope we can continue to have a strong and loving relationship. On the off chance that you do want to disown/harass/kill me, just toss the letter. If you dont bring it up, I'll get the message that you dont want me to be this way, but keep in mind I wont be able to change myself in this way. If youre ready to work with me and talk to me, Please come get me after school and we can talk and I can answer questions. I love you! -Lolo uwu
You did really good with this letter. It's good that you explained to her what it means to be Fluid and the letter has a really cautious approach and at the same time a right-to-the-point approach, which is really good. If I can suggest, I would take out the request for the chest binder for now, just in case she reacts badly or it may be too much to ask before the info can soak in. But good letter, very good letter. I wish you the best of luck
Actually I like the fact that the chest binder is in there, I might remove the part where you ask for it as a birthday present, but I think it belongs there because it gives her an idea of what exactly you are dealing with and how it can be made better. You've told her all the things you DON'T need, you may as well let her know the things you DO need. The one thing I would say is I would remove the part about 'dad is religious'. Dad might be mad, is fine. The reason being that even though his religion might be the reason he gets mad about it, it's not the kind of thing you want to put in a letter to your mum, because it WILL come out no matter how you intended it as 'due to this massive character flaw your husband has he's going to be a total dick where as I'm sure YOU'RE going to be nice about it'. Doesn't matter if that's how you feel or not, it's going to come out that way! It's a really good letter otherwise, good luck!
