I'm currently a freshman in college, and when I was applying to schools last year I always got really excited at the prospect of being able to be completely out once I was at school. I figured since everyone is new and it is far enough from home, it would be easy to just tell everyone I'm gay from the start. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. When I got there I was so worried about making friends and being liked that I decided not to tell anyone right away, and because I have waited so long I just don't want to bother telling anyone this year. My new plan is to just wait until next year. Being that I haven't really found my friend group yet, and the school is pretty large, I think its safe to say that the people I see a lot this year won't really be involved in my life next year, so I want to take that opportunity to just start fresh and be out right away. However, I'm not sure exactly how I should start this process. I'm filling out a housing application next year, and my school encourages people to include a little blurb about themselves in their application for your roommates to read once you've been matched up. It would be much easier to include the fact that I'm gay in this blurb so that everyone knows come next year, but I'm not sure I feel comfortable doing that. I'm not the type to put it out there all the time, I'm a relatively masculine gay guy, you probably wouldn't guess that I was based on appearances. I'm worried that if I include that on my application that it will send the message that I perceive being gay as a really big deal or something, or that its a huge part of my life, when I don't think it is. So should I allude to it on the application or just wait until we are roomed together to tell them?
While this doesn't totally address your question of how to handle your situation....a possible option... my son's college has gender-neutral housing available, they have to write a brief confidential blurb as to why they are requesting gender-neutral housing but it is not shared. Is this an option at your school?
Put a pride flag on your wall, get an earring, wear a pride ring. Advertise that you're gay without having to tell anyone. A hot Fireman calendar in your dorm room couldn't hurt If your roomie doesn't like it or is intolerant, then one of you can move. You'll both be freshman and both of you are paying money to the school. They won't let you stay in a bad situation. Be open and confident. Being gay isn't all you are, it doesn't have to take over your behavior or daily life. But it is a fascinating piece of who you are as a person, and your friends and roommate should know this. Again, if homeboy's uncomfortable, they can move him. Hey, who knows, maybe he'll be hot and gay!
I'm not sure if I would be totally comfortable with the pride flag and an earring and all that lol, but I was planning on wearing like a pride bracelet or something, just so that people who see me are aware that I'm gay without me having to tell everyone.
Maybe in your blurb mention that your room will be LGBT friendly. A small gesture that might not show you as gay but open up the conversation with a new room mate?
I was actually wondering the same thing. I'm going to be a freshman at college next year, and I really want to just be openly gay. I've always liked the idea of a pride bracelet or ring, but the flag just seems a little...big for my taste.
Yep, I am actually a freshman now and this whole debate for me is about my housing assignment for next year, since I'm going completely random for it… but yeah, just like you, I came into college with the expectation of being fully out. Here's a tip for you, make sure you go in with a plan. My "plan" was pretty much to just "be okay with it" and to bring it up to people if they asked about it, but now I know that this was a pretty awful plan. I'm obviously not out yet but I think some kind of pride ring/bracelet/shirt or something will be a bit better; that way it is apparent without you having to personally tell every single person. Especially because in my case it seems like my confidence in telling people seems to vary with my mood lol
I told my roommate by accident our first night at CU Boulder. We went out to a party at the house of a friend I already had in Boulder... I got absolutely shitfaced chasing vodka shots with bud and drunkenly mumbled that I was gay and hoped he wouldn't mind. He didn't.
Haha, I've actually tried getting drunk so I could tell people, because I hear it makes it so much easier for most people. oddly enough, I don't think being drunk helped at all, I still never told anyone. If anything, I became even more paranoid and worried about what people would think so I just didn't say anything. I guess it just affects people differently lol
Also, I don't think it is a good idea to mention that in your housing application. People might pin stereotypes on you before they meet you... you're far better to just go in there, be yourself but tell them pretty early on. I told all the guys on my floor in the first week while one of them was telling a story about how this gay guy hit on him at a party and how bad it was. I was worried we were going to get into homophobic territory so I just said "Uh guys, you should probably all know I'm gay." Everyone was cool with it, but none of the girls knew until one of them tried to hit on me... it sucked telling her. If I were straight, I would have.
I had a perfect opportunity to let everyone know that I was my first week, my RA had us play a game where we stood in a line, and he would say a statement and we would step forward if it was true for us. So one of his statements was "Ive questioned my sexuality", and I really should have stepped forward but idk I didn't know anyone there at the time and I just didn't want everyone to judge me initially from that.
Wooooah your RA did that?!! That is sooo bad. That would make so many people feel really uncomfortable. You should report that!! Also, if you had a moment... I would love some advice on my post. It is the 1000s of miles from Mum and Dad one.
I did not seize this opportunity but my roommate asked me if one of my friends was gay. I replied yes so he proceeded to state how he really does not have a negative attitude toward gay people. I was about to say something to the effect of "than you wouldn't have of problem with me." but I decided not to for some reason. So if little conversations like that come up or something...you can take the opportunity. It doesn't have to be: "Hey [insert name here], I'm gay", it could come naturally in a conversation like the one I had. ---------- Post added 9th Jan 2014 at 06:07 PM ---------- No, actually, that is fine. One of the jobs of an RA is to promote community and have people get to know one another. Now if the RA was like "Hey [insert name here], you gay?" then that is totally unacceptable and it should be reported. But asking that question while doing the "Step Forward" game is not bad at all.
Yeah, my RA really didn't mean anything by it, he also asked about people's political views and other personal stuff, and told us at the beginning that if we felt uncomfortable we didn't have to step forward. And Randy, that sounds a lot like the way I told my best friend from high school. I had planned for months on telling him, and he mentioned in passing how this kid he met at a music thing told him he was gay and had a crush on him, so like a week later I started a convo about him with the purpose of getting him to say that he didn't have a bad view of gay people, just so I could respond with "good, cuz I am!" haha. worked like a charm, I must say
If you know you are gay and accept it, then you weren't questioning your sexuality, so you did the right thing by not stepping forward. :icon_wink
I am heading off to college next year and I was concerned about the roommate situation as well so I started this thread and I got some advice from people on the subject http://emptyclosets.com/forum/general-support-advice/120335-college-roommates.html
