I'm incredibly determined to come out in the best way possible, since this year I'll turn 23 and I've been promising myself since I was 17, and before that 11. Could someone with a similar experience advise me? Particularly people who identify as Bisexual (or anyone honestly, please) I'm in a situation where to come out as Bi is non existent in the eyes of my family. And I have that feeling (I'm sure is common) where I can already hear their passive and patronising response, and that kind of rejection (which would come from my mother) would be the most disappointing and disheartening. Also more important to my sanity is two close friends (from different social groups) One lesbian the other straight who remain unconvinced of the legitimacy of bisexuality. And in their ultimate wisdom (which they both offer their separate points of view) cannot be convinced as yet. Which obviously hurts my feelings particularly my gay friend who introduces me to her other friends as her "straight friend". These are two people who like my family have known me for the best part of my life and it's so difficult to softly present "my case" as it were... when this is so difficult and I know I could goto all this trouble and be blown off right off the bat because 'you can be gay or straight but not both or neither'. Key word is PASSIVE. I know I am lucky to not me rejected straight off the bat by my friends and family, that I cannot expect total acceptance but I can already imagine the way the conversation will go. I want to be taken serious but how do I present the idea of bisexuality? Much love, :help: A
So if there is one thing that most people seem to get wrong more than anything else about bisexuality, it's that all being bisexual means is that you have the POTENTIAL to be attracted to males or females. It's important to make this clear, because a lot of people will dismiss it otherwise. If you come out then date a girl, then aren't you just gay? If you come out then date a guy, then aren't you just straight? NO, because you have the potential to fall for someone of whichever sex, you just happened to find this person first! Make sure they understand that and in theory you stand a better chance of getting their acceptance.
I just have to ask why would you want to come out as bisexual? Because if you are about to date or dating hey opposite sex partner why bother? When the time comes and you are dating the same sex partner then explain away. Other than your opposite sex partner or same sex partner whose business is it? Just my thoughts, if you want to be taken seriously then don't make an issue out of it or use it as an excuse to cheat! have fun in life and date who you want, screw everybody else! I certainly don't care who likes or dislikes the fact that I date men because I'm a straight woman! That's my choice and I'm the one that has to sleep with that man not anyone else. if by chance I decide to try a lesbian relationship then again that's my business not anyone elses so I will not explain it to anyone else and enjoy the wonderful woman I have chosen.I just think people get too hung up on these labels. When in reality you shouldn't care whether someone else knows what you do behind closed doors. So go enjoy life and date who you want, then marry who you want if you're lucky enough to get that! Good luck, June
Thank you so much ElliaOtaku, that's really helpful and I really appreciate it. ---------- Post added 10th Jan 2014 at 12:58 AM ---------- Thanks for your input too June Cleaver! And I agree with you on many points But I'm using the same mentality of not having to come out as a shield, and it's stoping me from proudly dating the girls in my life because I feel so safe and cosy in my straight blanket (and it's so warm and cosy there). I also have this little voice in my head that wants my sexuality to be understood just my close family and friends. I'm certainly not someone whom outside this anonymous cyber situation would out rightly declare my sexual preference. I'm quietly proud, and self satisfied with the sexual being I am For only my emotional satisfaction through future relationships with of Friends, family and future partners. I have a sister 18 months younger then myself and an Older brother by 9 years. I want what they have, I don't want to hold back something so beautiful and be dismissed. I want to take a step forward to complete acceptance INSIDE my family and friends. Thank you both again, <3
I completely understand because I told my parents all along I am female and they let me believe I was gay to cover up their mistake which screwed many years of my life away trying to fit into the gay community when all along I was right. I really am a straight woman! Since then I realized labels mean not much and the gay guys who all rejected me and the straight ones who wanted me were really correct after all! Since then I just accepted the people who want me no matter what label they fall under. Just live your life to it's fullest and date your best choice for a mate you have available to you. I found no matter how I tried to get family to understand my situation, they stuck to their own preconceived notions even while I explained till I was blue in the face! June
The straight blanket is definitely warm and cozy! It's just a little lonely sometimes, haha. I think EllaOtaku hit the nail on the head when she said you "have the POTENTIAL" to love regardless of sex/gender. Maybe try explaining it to your friends and family that way. If they can't just try to be understanding, maybe remind them that since they aren't that way it might be a bit harder to understand, just like many things in life are hard to understand without prior exposure to it. Then tell them what you told us, about wanting to be comfortable talking about whatever is on your mind with them, and just emphasize that. Maybe they'll get the hint to shut their yap about any disagreements. I know that I, for one, don't really understand how people can't be attracted to girls, even objectively. I guess it's probably the same idea for them.
